40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (August 31, 2024)

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 31, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

Being "in the loop" can be a blessing and a curse. If you're the friend who's plugged in, you probably feel somewhat responsible for informing your less-inclined friends. You may find yourself deep in the trenches of explaining memes, discourse, and the latest trend that everyone seems to be a part of. Your friends rely on you for secondhand information. This is a deeply important role in culture. 

On the other hand, being the plugged-in friend can also mean that your brain is full of useless tidbits, facts, figures, and sound bytes. You may find it hard to sleep at night, what with all the noise rattling around in there. It would be wise to strike a balance between the two, being just informed enough to sound cool among your Gen Z coworkers, but not so online that your REM suffers. Here at Memebase, we support you on your journey. You can start with these tweets. 

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  • 01
    amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde they BETTER be falling in love. or at least doing hand stuff. those are my tax dollars Cara Lisette @CaraLisette .23h I can't believe two people have been stuck in space for over two months and it's not bigger news, I literally feel sick just thinking about it • 8:50 PM 8/24/24 From Earth 1.1M Views 1.3K Reposts 35 Quotes 27K Likes 663 Bookmarks
    via @ameliaelizalde
  • 02
    Robin Typhina Rex @TyphinaRex who exactly are airport shops for? like imagine going oops, forgot to grab a prada bag and a rolex that I totally need for my flight BOTTEGA LINE PRADA VENETA ALT BREITLING BREITLING BALENCIAGA luxury timepieces TAG HEATER
    via @TyphinaRex
  • 03
    Serotonin Goblin G@SerotoninGoblin you know the taco bell is gonna be good when they're too high back there to make 3 cuts Imao ALT 1:23 PM 8/24/24 From Earth 2M Views . .
    via @SerotoninGoblin
  • 04
    DE David Dennis Jr. @DavidDTSS There's a light projection of Steve Harvey over Atlanta right now and I have no clue why
    via @DavidDTSS
  • 05
    Katra in the Hatra, the Femme in Yellow... @Katrafiy Job one: get fat Outcome: did a great job "Grazer was single this year. She had no cubs to defend and feed, so she could just concentrate on herself and job one, which is getting fat, and she did a great job of doing that," Naomi Boak said, a ranger at Katmai National Park. i NEWS abc.net.au Fat Bear Week title awarded to female who gained weight during 'single girl summer' 11:04 AM 8/23/24 From Earth 1.1M Views
    via @Katrafiy
  • 06
    Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD @jacasiegel I love my fiance, I can't wait to marry him, and I am glad that he wants to be involved in planning our wedding. However, from a project management perspective (e.g., budget, timeline, creating an event that is both legal & possible), I would like to remove him from the project. 11:50 PM 8/23/24 From Earth • 1M Views 1K Reposts 162 Quotes 42K Likes 1.3K Bookmarks
    via @jacasiegel
  • 07
    @twaniimals "tomorrow i'll wake up early to do it" me at 10am: 1:18 AM 8/22/24 From Earth • 2.3M Views 6.8K Reposts 260 Quotes ལ
    via @twaniimals
  • 08
    pancake @ilovesubnautica dude this is like the funniest I ever to me the burger king in my town was SO BAD they were cut off from the chain and are now just called burger. they still have the same menu too just with different names BURGER BURGER Buttermilk Tenders Chicken Wings Burger Classic Big XXL Bacon Extra long Chili Chicken 8 Large Chicken 7 Crispy Chicken Diese Füxe gibt es auch als plant based! 6:45 AM 8/26/24 From Earth 1.9M Views • 6.4K Reposts 672 Quotes 72K Likes 6K Bookmarks
    via @ilovesubnautica
  • 09
    David @schaalfan I love that Athens, Georgia has a new hockey team that they chose to name the Rock Lobsters. 10/10 team name. No notes. 1:53 PM 8/24/24 From Earth • 1M Views
    via @schaalfan
  • 10
    Period Terrible Maps ❤ @TerribleMaps Mapping the Lickability of the Periodic Table Group 1 2 3. 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12+ 13 14 15 16 17: 18 2 1 Can I lick it? He 2 30 4 Be 11 12 Na Mg 5 6 B 13 14 15 Al Si INSP 10 O Ne 18 Ar 4 37 Rb 6 87 7 Fr 22 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Ca Sc 38 St 56 57 Ba La 58-71 新 ㄍ V Cr Mn Fe Co Ni Cu Zn 85 31 32 33 34 36 Ga Ge As Se Kr 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 Zr Nb Mo Tc Ru Rh Pd Ag Cd In Sn Sb Te Xe 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 BO 82 83 84 85 86 Hf Ta
    via @TerribleMaps
  • 11
    Nae @NaesCloset When he turn his back to you in his sleep: SZA @sza 17h I never wanna be romantically interested in a human being ever again in my entire life. That disease. is a ° 11:55 PM 8/21/24 From Earth 916K Views 3K Reposts 53 Quotes 16K Likes 811 Bookmarks
    via @NaesCloset
  • 12
    Analytic Valley Girl Chris ◆ @ChrisExpTheNews George Lucas has you covered Wren Scarborough + @wrenscarbor.... 1d just once I want to see the male love interest reveal a shocking capacity for violence in defense of the ones he loves and instead of being disturbed the female love interest is like "that is the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life"
    via @ChrisExpTheNews
  • 13
    Kristen @kristenstockdal An interesting development in the Kim <> Kanye saga d VIDEO Kim taunts West by launching test missile over Japan 1:50 AM 10/5/22 From Earth • 40K Reposts 1.2K Quotes
    via @kristenstockdal
  • 14
    LABORDE 24 V Jacob @LFCJacobb Listen, kid I don't have much time Please be aware that currently the M11 Cambs Police @CambsCops. 1d Please be aware that currently the M11 1:51 PM 8/23/24 From Earth 5.6M Views •
    via @LFCJacobb
  • 15
    Dylan ❤ @DylanMcD8 Question, how do you get the App Store back if you delete it HUB Apple Hub @theapplehub. 1d Apple has announced that the App Store, Messages, Photos, Camera, and Safari apps will now be deletable in iOS 18 for users in the EU + 2:37 PM · 8/22/24 From Earth. 6.9M Views 4.1K Reposts 209 Quotes
    via @DylanMcD8
  • 16
    Benedict Townsend @BenedictTown why did I read it as him O Alison @TradWife2049.21h you can get addicted to a certain kind of sandwich • 6:01 AM 8/23/24 From Earth 1.8M Views . 3.3K Reposts 97 Quotes 53K Likes 937 Bookmarks
    via @BenedictTown
  • 17
    michael @FilledwithUrine 120 knives for dinner again :/ 9:11 ☑ Delivery Pickup 28 min left to order from this store on DoorDash Logan's Roadhouse Knife $0.00 -> - 120 + + Add more items 9:14 PM 8/21/24 From Earth • 1.6M Views 4.5K Reposts 143 Quotes 91K Likes 1.5K Bookmarks
    via @FilledwithUrine
  • 18
    Seinfeld Current Day @Seinfeld2000 what if the cast of seinfeld was 1 person 9:27 PM 8/22/24 From Earth • 1.5M Views 1.2K Reposts 130 Quotes
    via @Seinfeld2000
  • 19
    laurence @functionZero "Hawk Tuah is brat. Inside Out 2 is demure. The Rizzler is cringe, and Lil Yachty is bas-" You bolt awake in the mountains of Carthage. You are not online. It is 217 BC. You are the general Hannibal. The future cannot come to pass. Rome must burn. 2:32 PM 8/22/24 From Earth 802K Views 1.8K Reposts 51 Quotes 21K Likes 997 Bookmarks
    via @functi0nZer0
  • 20
    Cheek Mills @gymgirllex He looks like an imaginary friend. D. Bryant @LakerGangDay - 21h When you let your toddler pick their outfit. T THE SHADE
    via @gymgirllex
  • 21
    @metaphoricleash he had a choice and he didn't choose you - my therapist at 11 am 1:56 AM - 8/21/24 From Earth 2.6M Views . 11K Reposts 1.8K Quotes 119K Likes 7K Bookm
    via @metaphoricleash
  • 22
    SG @SGPoltergeist Posting yourself celebrating a goal that was disallowed in a match you lost is hilarious Alejandro Garnacho @agarnacho7.6h God has something planned for me, trust the process Snapdrag 3:53 PM 8/24/24 From Earth • 2.2M Views
    via @SGPoltergeist
  • 23
    Irish Ranger (Sevvy) @VeteranIrish Loving Taylor Swift's outfit, which is clearly designed to break up her shape against the background, thus making it difficult for German U-Boats to calculate her range, speed, and direction. AA AA 12:35 PM 8/24/24 From Earth 555K Views •
    via @VeteranIrish
  • 24
    rebecca @abcdrih booked too soon Dabane wakwa Laxa @MelikhayaL3006.2d Your graphic designers Vaal Based Make up Artist Neigh Make Up Available for bookings Zone 12 Sebokeng 0792457856 2:18 PM 8/23/24 From Earth 1.5M Views
    via @abcdrih
  • 25
    Luka Ivan Jukic @lijukic Follow Officially the most German thing I've ever read "I had to change planes in Frankfurt, and I went to the front of the queue and said: 'My connection is in ten minutes, could you let me through?' And [the official] said: 'No, get to the back.' I said, 'My father's just died.' And he said, 'Yes, everybody's father dies.' I had a British passport, and I spoke to him in English. I think he would not help me because of long-held ideas." "Long-held or recent?" I ask. "Ei
    via @lijukic
  • 26
    Michael. @yosoymichael Girl, leave me the alone. NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost. 22h You're probably cracking your eggs wrong— which could be hazardous to your health trib.al/LDcApbs 8:36 PM 8/23/24 From Earth 1.9M Views 7.5K Reposts 25 Quotes 101K Likes 732 Bookmarks
    via @yosoymichael
  • 27
    ali @alirichthem this is exactly what david byrne was wearing under his big suit he just didn't make a big deal about it @sabrinacraves. 2d sabrina carpenter, the fashion icon.
    via @alirichthem
  • 28
    Lys + @lyssah_a man if i wanted to die i'd jump from my IQ to yours. CARTIER. @CartiersSaint-1d ain't she indian? wym asian american x.com/ popbase/status... Readers added context India is in Asia. google.com/intl/en_us/ear... Show this note • 3:53 PM 8/23/24 From Earth • 3M Views
    via @lyssah_a
  • 29
    niles @NILES100 these dudes look nothing alike. yall just racist and think all Black ppl look the same The Pettiest Laker Fan @ThePettie.... 11h Donald Glover & Childish Gambino >> x.com/ gabthegem/stat... rence IGGINS TC [T'Y 7:12 AM 8/25/24 From Earth • 3.1M Views .
    via @NILES100
  • 30
    yash ..+ @dildoswagginzs me: give it to me straight doc doctor: you have seven months to live me: give it to me gay doc doctor: it's giving seven months • 12:27 AM 8/25/24 From Earth 1.1M Views • 4.4K Reposts 87 Quotes 70K Likes 1.7K Bo
    via @dildoswagginzs
  • 31
    gianni→ @Clapped_Dre I fear I won the best randomly generated name sweepstakes My School Top Classes JESUS LORD T | NAT: 14 STA: 1 | POS: 3 F Top 8 Top 5 Overview Recruiting Scouting (100%) R1 Top Schools # SCHOOL INFLUENCE 126 2 3 0 5 6 50 7 50 E 8 TOP 5 OFFER VISIT P TIER Locked Out 9 M No Context EACFB Series 1:23 PM 8/24/24 From Earth 172K Views 000000
    via @Clapped_Dre
  • 32
    W.E.B. DaBoi @Tyre_94 The loser of our fantasy league had to do the entire draft from a dog cage 101 ARMORALL LESS WORK. ESPIT NFL Vikings MINJ Hat 25-21 20 Eagles 3/2007
    via @Tyre_94
  • 33
    Jalbu @Whotfismick me thinking how I went from $800 to $23 dollars 2:15 AM 8/20/24 From Earth • 575K Views 3.2K Reposts 214 Quotes 19K Likes 481 Bookmarks
    via @Whotfismick
  • 34
    Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Oh I just know her thoughts on vaccines are CRAZY Ay'denn Ella'noä Lilly'maë Elyah'nor Noéz'lou Log'hann Brenn'ley Billy'jane #momlife
    via @emily_murnane
  • 35
    brit @booritney the purest example of "good american values" is when the diner makes too much milkshake and gives you the extra in a metal cup on the side 4:50 PM 8/24/24 From Earth • 1.3M Views 5.3K Reposts 200 Quotes
    via @booritney
  • 36
    меди @notahorror how i look at bro while he's googling the thing i know im right about CAL DEST 8:34 PM 8/24/24 From Earth 3.7M Views
    via @notahorror
  • 37
    Bureaushat @omgTrex22 Interesting things happening at the BiC factory... 1950 BiC 1987 BiC 2024 BiC are they ever gonna change the design of this thing
    via @omgTrex22
  • 38
    Life After 18 ✪ @Life After 18 Women be calling off work "sick" then come back the next day with Knotless Braids. 12:14 PM 8/22/24 From Earth 2.3M Views 1.5K Reposts 800 Quotes 12K Likes 534 Bookmarks
    via @Life_After_18
  • 39
    PF X0 @crosskeysfan Reading about the 2040 Olympics and who might be bidding and I cannot believe my eyes! City Country NOC Ref. German Olympic [5][6][7] Berlin Sports [8] [9] [10] Germany Confederation (DOSB) Germany had plans to bid for the 2036 Summer Olympics in Berlin, as a centennial to the 1936, but opted out due to the geopolitical turmoil from those times. Also, 7:39 AM 8/25/24 From Earth 560K Views 465 Reposts 49 Quotes 16K Likes 589 Bookmarks
    via @crosskeysfan
  • 40
    please be nice to patrick @ruff_bluffs Visiting Italy so beautiful. Such a different way of life vs America ONLY target COSTCC WHOLESAU
    via @ruff_bluffs
  • 41
    Martin Pilgrim @MartinPilgrim1 My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing. 4:06 AM 8/26/24 From Earth 886K Views 1.6K Reposts 45 Quotes 33K Likes 574 Bookmarks
    via @MartinPilgrim1
  • 42
    Joseph Fasano ❤ @Joseph_Fasano_ I wonder if any student will ever top this email. Professor Fasano, Like Hamlet, I have hesitated to act for reasons I cannot articulate even to myself. May I have an extension on the Hamlet paper? 11:54 AM 8/25/24 From Earth 2.9M Views • 6K Reposts 193 Quotes 153K Likes 7.4K Bookmarks
    via @Joseph_Fasano_

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