The era of “Every Video Game Deserves a TV Show” needs to chill
Yes, The Last of Us was good. For one beautiful, perfect season.
Yes, Fallout is great. So far.
Yes, everyone ran around screaming “This is it, the golden age of game adaptations is HERE.”
God of war is getting a series.
Horizon zero dawn is getting a series.
But Assassin’s Creed?
Really?
Have we thought this through?
This is a franchise where the main plot is basically “Do parkour in whichever historical postcard Ubisoft sends you to this year and clear every icon on the map.”
Not exactly prestige drama.
Assassin’s Creed does not have a story. It has vibes.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Assassin’s Creed (well, some of them)
The games are fun. The historical settings are cool. The outfits slap.
But narratively?
There is no single story.
There is no consistent protagonist.
There is no emotional arc between games.
The only ongoing plot is the one in “modern day” and I say this with love
It has always been the weakest part of the entire franchise.
The Animus stuff
The Pieces of Eden
The ancient aliens
The corporate conspiracies
It’s like reading the world’s most confusing Wikipedia rabbit hole at 4 am and hoping it starts making sense if you scroll hard enough.
So what will each season even be?
One season in Ancient Jerusalem
One season in Renaissance Italy
One season in Ancient Greece
OK… and?
What's the story?
The games worked because you got to do the parkour and the assassination puzzles. Watching someone else do that on TV is just watching a guy in a hood climb buildings for 8 episodes.
And stealth missions
Don’t translate to live action.
At all.
You can’t build prestige drama around crouching behind a haystack waiting for two guards to finish their conversation.
Meanwhile, Fallout and The Last of Us had actual story baked in
Fallout is a world driven by rich lore.
The Last of Us is a character driven tragedy.
Those are stories.
Assassin’s Creed is tourism with murder sprinkled on top.
Netflix, thank you, but no
I truly believe Netflix means well.
And Toby Wallace is a cool casting choice.
But just because something sells 230 million copies does not mean it needs to become eight hours of prestige streaming content.
We don’t need every franchise turned into a show.
We don’t need an adaptation just because the algorithm says “gamers like this”.
I mean, this is one step away from “Fortnite - The Series”
So Netflix
Really
It’s OK
You can put this one back on the shelf.
