40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (September 14, 2024)

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  • 01
    Franklin Leonard @franklinleonard Who started calling the cybertrucks Deploreans? I owe you a drink. 11:13 AM 9/9/24 308K Views 2.6K Reposts 133 Quotes 16K Likes 238 Bookmarks
  • 02
    Brandon Streussnig @BrndnStrssng Bebop and Rocksteady before the mutation 10:04 AM 9/11/24 32K Views 81 Reposts 8 Quotes 793 Likes 14 Bookmarks
  • 03
    Falby @Whotfismick Final @Vickcantmiss. 1d guess my destination
  • 04
    Janel Comeau @VeryBadLlama this debate stage looks like a place where supervillains would gather to decide which of them gets to kill Aquaman promote the gen for the United Sta 9:07 PM 9/10/24 -750 Views
  • 05
    @ungodlywests "i have concepts of a plan” me when people would ask what's next after graduating 10:30 PM 9/10/24 432K Views 4.2K Reposts 92 Quotes 32K Likes 970 Bookmark
  • 06
    timothy faust @crulge There's a woman at the bar who is cheering the debate at unpredictable intervals and I was completely unable to figure out her politics until we realized she's playing bingo . 9:35 PM 9/10/24 2.3M Views
  • 07
    Kyle @KylePlantEmoji There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server. "and who ordered the Alfredo?" You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo. 2:38 PM 9/7/24 4.2M Views •
  • 08
    maker of things. @tylathecreative I just drank two of these and now I'm responding to everyone's Instagram story like they sent it to me personally WILE Breaux Mart SECRE 99 $3.49 CORTE PRACHE $2.9 AWARD-WINNING REAL SPIRITS CUTWATER® LEMON DROP MARTINI 11% ALC. BY VOL LEMON DROP MARTINI MADE WITH LEMON JUICE & NATURAL FLAVORS CUTWATER VODKA, TRIPLE SEC, TWATE
  • 09
    Princess Mindfulness | Co... @themultiplemom I left my wallet in the car and asked my 9yo if I could borrow $3. He gone say "look at me carrying this family on my back". Boy...❤❤ 8:23 AM 9/10/24 341K Views . 1.8K Reposts 308 Quotes 20K Likes 377 Bookmarks
  • 10
    J. Dior @TherealJDiorr No idea how you've stayed under homeland security's radar for this long but they're on their way rn Pimpcess 1 @sjdess00.1d Please tell me I'm not the only one who spreads it like this?? 10:39 AM 9/9/24 2.3M Views
  • 11
    reb @rebmasel America has a lot of faults as a country but we absolutely went off with garbage disposals in our kitchen sinks. "just use a food catcher?? scrape the food into the trash???" thank u Europe but we actually put loud finger-ripping chainsaws in our drains god bless. 4:39 PM 9/9/24 • 1M Views 2.1K Reposts 161 Quotes 52K Likes 998 Bookmarks
  • 12
    robyn @robynsaur he was being naughty so i show him rabbit stew recipes goodfood Slow-cooked rabbit stew
  • 13
    Anna Krauthamer @AnnaKrauthamer my anxiety is at an all time high because i keep getting texts that begin like 'anna, we need to check in' or 'this is a difficult message to send' and for a second i think it's my boyfriend breaking up with me before i realize they're all from tim walz 7:28 PM 9/8/24 533K Views . 680 Reposts 26 Quotes 25K Likes 309 Bookmarks
  • 14
    Ursula Doyle @suladoyle My mum (93) has just clarified that when she was asked her pronouns at the hospital, she thought it was a dementia test 'They usually make me do the months of the year backwards.' 1:44 PM 9/9/24 348K Views . 1K Reposts 75 Quotes 11K Likes 188 Bookmarks
  • 15
    chefkids @girlflopping val @poeitus. 1d cooking together is NOT romantic, MOVE out my way. 5:48 PM 9/8/24 8.3M Views
  • 16
    trevy @chillextremist Microsoft is a crazy thing to name your company 4:55 PM 9/9/24 2.8M Views 7.2K Reposts 616 Quotes
  • 17
    meghan @deloisivete Bye, have a great day. I'll see you after school, I tell the orange in my kid's lunch • 10:16 AM 9/9/24 41K Views • 125 Reposts 3 Quotes 2K Likes 26 Bookmarks
  • 18
    Ramin Nasibov @RaminNasibov iPhone 16 2:00 PM 9/9/24 11M Views @akram.eddine
  • 19
    SOMTO @___Somto_ IPhone 16 is out YouTubers in 2days : 2:53 AM 9/10/24 1.8M Views
  • 20
    Jack @jackfromohio Nah man don't buy AirPods. You need the Sony WH-1000XM5-WHCH720N-WF1000XM5- CH520 5:13 PM 9/9/24 5.8M Views 16K Reposts 2.2K Quotes
  • 21
    Melissa Stewart @LissaJoStewart The only way I can describe this photo is that they look like they're in an SNL skit about themselves. 11:21 AM 9/9/24 2.1M Views
  • 22
    Rob Fox III @RobFoxThree Mahomes and Kelce look like the henchmen in a Jason Statham movie. 7:58 PM 9/8/24.5.5M Views 7.8K Reposts 827 Quotes 152K Likes 3K Bookmarks
  • 23
    Pookie @PookiesParadise y'all gotta stay off them youtube shorts ✩ Sosa @ihysosa. 23h y'all not ready for this conversation
  • 24
    Ben Rosen @ben_rosen i said to my wife, "hey brat summer is over, what kind of fall should I have?” she said "a fatal one" 5:30 PM 9/8/24 • 1M Views 4.3K Reposts 64 Quotes 53K Likes 2K Bookmarks
  • 25
    one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500 the two genders Messages Dad D They should fire that 6:58 PM > coach Mom 6:56 PM > M Bad sports day 7:01PM. 9/7/24.4.3M Views
  • 26
    Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish me: did you have fun on your playdate? my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend? 11:29 PM 9/8/24.598K Views • 603 Reposts 53 Quotes 32K Likes 512 Bookmarks
  • 27
    jen merritt!!! @jennifermerr beat teen pregnancy and with the current dating market it looks like i might beat adult pregnancy too 9:35 AM 9/7/24 5.2M Views 36K Reposts 1.1K Quotes 313K Likes 7.1K Bookmarks
  • 28
    america's lounge singer @KrangTNelson just a thought I had while eating some salsa how salsa jars are generally shaped Salsa! how salsa jars should be shaped Salsa! • 6:26 PM 9/8/24 2.2M Views 3K Reposts 354 Quotes 99K Likes 1.2K Bookmarks
  • 29
    SB @adoreSB tired of being asked what i'm doing for my birthday. what are YOU doing for my birthday? how bout that • 12:48 PM 8/12/24 · 1.8M Views 11K Reposts 896 Quotes 58K Likes 2.4K Bookmarks
  • 30
    Admiral Snaccbar @Chris_Mench Serving shrimp with the tail still on when it's already mixed into something (pasta, rice, etc) is insane. Populism Updates @PopulismUpdates - 2d Tell me your most radical position that cannot be placed on the left-right political spectrum 1:06 PM 9/8/24 5.3M Views 15K Reposts 799 Quotes 164K Likes 2K Bookmarks
  • 31
    • María | deepfriedhoney sh... @FriedHoney I forgot my stanley cup at the car dealership and when I went back to get it, it was on someone's desk with orange juice running down the side (i left it on the lobby floor full of water). They come out and it's the same person that complimented it when I first walked in 6:32 PM 9/7/24 4.8M Views
  • 32
    elaine @elainesim28 My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday. I asked her, "How small?" She replied, "Just you, me, and the principal. 1:44 AM 9/10/24 1.3M Views
  • 33
    suz @suzwhoever this is exactly what I mean when I send the salute emoji 1:13 PM 9/9/24 • 5.6M Views beloved friend, whatever plan you have in mind, count me in. i am there for the whole afternoon, day, night, whenever, a thousand times over! of course, i am uneasy about the military symbolism (or should I be?) but perhaps there is something important to it-consider all the ways we entrust to each other our lives, in full knowledge of the power we necessarily have over each other, the ways in wh
  • 34
    Miami Vice Apologist (extraction 3 #1 fan... @ViceApologist I love the modern television trend of me not being able to remember anything that happened from the previous season that was released 2+ years prior 4 DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm. 2d 'PEACEMAKER' Season 2 will officially release in the second half of 2025. 11:13 PM 9/8/24 4.6M Views •
  • 35
    BETMGM BetMGM SECOND CHANCE!! @BetMGM Why does Aaron Rodgers stare into the camera when something goes wrong like he's on an episode of The Office 10:13 PM 9/9/24 1.1M Views
  • 36
    UJI @UjinotYouji just saw this korean guy wearing one nicee jacket! i asked what brand, he didn't even gatekeep. as i saw the price of the jacket now now i for prefer if he gatekeep • 4:31 PM 9/8/24 1.1M Views • 2K Reposts 143 Quotes 25K Likes 1.2K Bookmarks
  • 37
    Shadow Of The Nerdtree @agraybee My mom is obsessed with a Japanese reality show that's just small children shopping. That's the whole show. Japanese five-year-olds going to the market and buying fish. They get home and their moms are proud of them. 8:49 AM 9/9/24 • 4.8M Views
  • 38
    Austine @theereal_one Apparently, lemons are not naturally occurring. They're a hybrid by cross breeding a bitter orange and a citron. So basically life never gave us lemons, we created them ourselves. Jè @ohitssje. 1d Tell me something that doesn't concern me. • 10:13 AM 9/10/24 -6.7M Views
  • 39
    dj @pleasekilljay extremely cute girl at chic fil a gave me 4 free food vouchers bc i "seemed cool" then told me she was off in 15 minutes and i just said " yea" and left 9:46 AM 9/10/24.6M Views 6.7K Reposts 1.6K Quotes
  • 40
    Arizona AriZona Iced Tea @DrinkAriZona THE CHOICE IS YOURS 1 PS5 PRO 700 ARIZONAS 1. 5:39 PM 9/10/24 1.3M Views
  • 41
    abby govindan @abbygov Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise" for adults... write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong 3:04 PM 4/3/24 1.1M Views 2.8K Reposts 54 Quotes 39K Likes 760 Bookmarks
  • 42
    cass city @HeavenlyGrandpa two weeks ago a friend was telling me about how they were sad because they hosted a cookout and invited "all their friends" but no one came and i just had to sit there and smile and nod as they sadly told me about this cookout that, incidentally, they did not invite me to 1:29 PM 9/10/24 4.9M Views

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