Woman Refuses to Contribute to Parents' Retirement Since They Did Not Lend Even a Dime for Her Education: 'I did everything on my own'

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    r/AmltheA u/Fit Location9834 • 9h AITA for telling my parents I won't help them with their retirement because they didn't help me with college?
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    I (26F) recently graduated with my master's degree and landed a great job. Here's the thing: my parents never helped me with my education. They flat-out refused to contribute a dime and told me if I wanted to go to college, I had to figure it out on my own. Meanwhile, they lived comfortably, took fancy vacations, bought new cars, and even did expensive home renovations. At the time, it hurt that they wouldn't support me, but I worked part-time jobs, took out loans, and made it through on my own.
  • 03
    Now, my parents are nearing retirement and have started hinting that they expect me to help them financially because they didn't save enough. I finally snapped and told them that just because they brought me into this world doesn't mean they're entitled to my money. I laid out everything they did while I was struggling in school and told them they should've thought about their retirement before wasting money on luxuries. I said I wasn't their personal safety net and that they're going to have to
  • 04
    My mom broke down crying, saying they sacrificed so much for me growing up and now I'm turning my back on them. My dad was furious and accused me of being ungrateful and selfish. He even threw in, "We raised you for 18 years, and this is the thanks we get?" My siblings are now calling me a brat, saying it's cruel to let our parents suffer, especially since I'm the most financially secure out of all of us. But I can't help feeling like they made their bed, and now they need to lie in it.
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    Here's where it gets even messier: I also said I'd never take care of them when they're old and that if they end up in a bad spot, that's on them, not me. My siblings are horrified I'd go that far, but I'm standing my ground. AITA for refusing to help my parents with their retirement, even if they end up broke and struggling? ✩ 8,624 1,575
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    KaliTheBlaze • 9h Prime Ministurd [495] By bringing you into the world, your parents committed to meeting all of your needs for 18 years. That was the bargain they signed up for: you want a kid? Okay, in exchange for getting to choose to have a kid, you're now responsible for all of their needs until they become an adult.
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    They don't deserve some kind of payback for raising you. Raising you was an obligation they chose, not an exchange you signed up for. You don't owe them for their choice to have children. When children choose to support their elderly parents, if it's a healthy relationship, they choose to do it out of love rather than obligation. If obligation is the only reason someone becomes your caretaker, it's going to be awful for everyone involved. NTA. ← Reply 13 13.2k
  • 08
    Chance-Lavishness947 8h Precisely this. Children cannot agree to a contract before they're born, they are not a party to that decision at all. Parents make the decision to have a child and they hold all of the responsibilities for raising that child to adulthood with no promise of a return on that investment other than the joy of seeing their child grow up. NTA 2.6k
  • 09
    This Gabrielle Archa • 8h Right Here Also, what is your siblings' contributions? Your parents took care of them too right? So, shouldn't their money be volunteered to help out their parents? I'd go as far as to enquire whether your siblings got their college paid for like you didn't? ... 673
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    Badgering Magpie • 8h Partassipant [2] Doing the bare minimum of 18 years isn't necessarily deserving of being called a great parent either. The ones who stick it out past that and make sure you have everything you need to get where you want to go in life are the ones deserving of being helped later in life. They didn't have to help at that point, but they did. 373
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    Ducky818.9h Craptain [170] NTA but parents are for being financially irresponsible and then trying to guilt and manipulate you into being their retirement plan. You had to figure out school expenses on your own so now I guess they will have to figure out retirement on their own. Guess they will have to change their lifestyle to fit their income. You take care of you. You are not responsible for your parents financially. If your siblings feel so strongly about it, I guess they can step up to the
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    -Jewelz- 9h • Certified Proctologist [27] NTA - I'm sorry but how are they nearing retirement if they can't afford to retire? That doesn't make sense. Either they work until they can retire or they continue working. Just say you can't afford to help them and do not give any of your family any kind of information about your financial position. Your finances are not their concern. If they are able to help your parents, then let them. Reply 1.5k
  • 13
    tsh87.8h This. I'm actually not against parents not helping with college if it's a choice between that and eldercare. Frankly, I'd rather my kids get student loans than be forced to take care of me in my old age. But as it stands, they didn't help OP with college. And with all the money they saved from that, they didn't even set themselves up in old age. That's so irresponsible and it should not fall on OP in any way. ... 543
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    Storms_and_Rainbows • 9h Enthusiast [8] NTA. Stand firm in your position. Since your siblings want to input their two cents tell them to open their wallets to financially support your parents, otherwise stop counting on your money that none of them will get to enjoy. You will soon start to get harassing phone calls and texts from siblings and external family members giving their two cents as well...tell them the same thing about not counting your money and block them. Reply 670
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    TiredEnglishStudent • 8h Partassipant [1] NTA. My parents are clear that I have an obligation to pay them back by paying it forward if I choose to have kids. They help with school and my wedding? I'm expected to help any future children with school and their weddings. They help with groceries on rare occasions? I should help my children, should the time come. The idea that I owe them for choosing to birth me and choosing to raise me is absurd. They just wany to model the behaviour that they hope
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    OkHovercraft4450 • 9h Certified Proctologist [23] NTA. And college is a red herring. You are never obligated to help your parents in their retirement just because they failed to plan accordingly. Having said that. Any person in their mid-20s should be contributing a minimum of 10% of each and every paycheck to their retirement investments. Don't repeat the mistake your parents made. ... Reply 364
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    KimB-booksncats-11 • 8h Partassipant [4] "We raised you for 18 years." Yeah, because your parents CHOSE to bring you into this world and they were responsible for that. Congrats. They did the bare minimum expected of parents. NTA. Sounds like they were irresponsible with finances and it is NOT your responsibility to provide for your parents or be their safety net. Reply 151
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    cocos_mama • 8h Tell them you'll give them allowance every month that's double the amount they gave you in college. ... Reply 84
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    WhereWereUChilds • 9h Laugh at them for Thinking you were a financial investment and not a child. ← Reply 36
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    AbNormal_Yam • 9h NTA - But do not make the same mistake as they did, start saving/investing now. Reply 35
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    green-gumby • 8h Unknown to you there's a good chance you'll be supporting your less successful siblings if you support them too. You can make their life hard by saying that if you agree to help them you'll have to see all their financials and you get the final say on how any money is spent. Watch them fold like a bunch of lawn chairs Reply 28
  • 22
    Quiet_Village_1425 • 8h Your horrified siblings can take care of them. You don't owe them anything. Poor planning their part doesn't constitute a need for you to support your entitled parents. ... Reply ☑ 223

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