Mom Sets Healthy Boundaries With a New Friend After She Complains About Her Family for Hours During Their First Hangout

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Sep 30, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

We all need to set boundaries with our relationships. Whether you're a teenager, a mom, or a sorority sister, drawing the hard line with your friendships can sometimes save your own mental wellness in the long run. If you've got a friend who's constantly bogging you down with their negativity, it might be time to consider alternatives to sound-boarding their laments. This is exactly what the mom in our next story did. 

After living next door to the new family for months, this woman finally decided to reach out and spark up some sort of friendship. Seeing that the woman next door was a mother as well and was interested in fitness, a bike ride together seemed like the perfect way to break the ice–that is, until this new friend complained literally the entire time. Wrung out, mentally exausted, and tired of responding, 'Really? That's crazy', the mom decidedly put up some boundaries that would save her from ever feeling this way again. 

There is a fine line between healthy venting and negativity-bombing with a friend, but when the trauma-bonding is doing more damage than good, it's time to take a step back and look out for your #1 first.

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    Cheezburger Image 10408052224
    via Konstantin Postumitenko - Prostock Studio via Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I befriended a mom and now regret it We are neighbours. I just went out cycling with her for 2 hours. For 2 hours she complained. About her husband, about her kids, about other moms, her MIL, FIL, BIL, her husband again...And
    via TumbleweedOk7006
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    for every suggestion I make she finds a problem with it. I know she needs someone she can vent to but I also don't want to solve her problems. My kid is 18 mo and I hadn't really been anywhere without him for 2 hours. I thought this will be good for me and also
    via TumbleweedOk7006
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    for my husband to spend alone time with our son without me. Now I am left more tired, annoyed with her and overstimulated. Next time, I'm going cycling alone. Rant over.
    via TumbleweedOk7006
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    Recovering Abuse • 2d ago Don't try and solve the problems. You can choose to be someone she complains to sometimes, but that doesn't mean you need to fix it.
    via TumbleweedOk7006
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    I have friendships where we have times when we need to someone hear us explode so we do that for each other. Then we do fun stuff other times. You can also decide that it's too much negativity for you and continue the friendship search elsewhere.
    via TumbleweedOk7006
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    ammylynnn .2d ago Sometimes all they need to hear are those two special words - "that ". Don't offer advice. Everyone deserves to vent JUST like YOURE doing right now.
    via ammylynnn
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    Rosey Posey30 • 2d ago Give her another chance, maybe she had a lot of pent up frustration and wanted to talk to someone about it. Doesn't mean she's like that all the time.
    via Rosey Posey30
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    Runnrgirl 2d ago On one hand, I understand people need to vent. On the other hand, I don't always have the mental capacity to be a sounding board either. I don't think your friend did anything wrong, but when you have limited spoons and limited freetime its okay to be picky about who you spend your spoons on. Def go solo if that's what makes you happy!!
    via Runnrgirl
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    AmyD224 2d ago I read a book called Keep Your Love On by Danny Lee Silk and it seriously changed my life in regards to my relationships. One lesson was to reply with "so what are you going to do about it?" I used it on my "friend" who constantly complained to me allllll the time but never wanted my advice and I'll be damned if she didn't quit complaining to me! For real!
    via AmyD224
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    eye_snap 2d ago I had a friend, who would tell me all her problems, which I was happy to lend a listening ear to. But if I tried to mention anything going on in my life she would shut it down and be like "anyway see ya bye".
    via eye_snap
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    If she is that kind of person, if its not a give and take, if it's just her dumping her stuff on you, then seriously not worth the hassle. But if she just had a bad day and she does extend the same listening ear to you when you need to vent on a bad day... then I'd say it is worth giving her another chance.
    via eye_snap
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    Ruby Mae4 2d ago I have had friends like this that I had to distance myself from for my own wellbeing. One of my friends got stuck in only complaining, ruminating, gossiping. She'd always say she felt better after we hung out but I always felt worse. I just got really busy and I kept the connection with short visits
    via Ruby Mae4
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    ClickAnd ClackTheTap . 2d ago My sister has a friend with chronic pain. Fibromyalgia I think. She told her 'I like you, I want to be friends, but you get 10 minutes of complaining. Then on to other things.'
    via ClickAnd ClackTheTap
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    Only-Limit-9528 • 2d ago My breaks from my kids are RARELY spent with other mothers. I realized that if I truly needed a break it needed to be spent ALONE in my thoughts doing something that fills me up. People are unpredictable so it's best if I stay to myself during my mom breaks.
    via Only-Limit-9528
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    muddhoney · 2d ago Oooh I'd be so embarrassed that I just dumped it all on someone in the first 2hrs. I say give her another chance, hopefully she'll feel less like making you her emotional dumpster and more like a friend who listens too. If she's still just dumping it all on you, you have every right to limit your interactions.
    via muddhoney
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    pixiestardust8 · 2d ago Don't worry about feeling like you have to fix anything. Sometimes a listening ear is what is needed.
    via pixiestardust8
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    Old_Country9807 • 2d ago Obviously none of us were there with you but sometimes people just need to vent. Maybe she's screaming for help and no one is listening. Perhaps it was her first time out in a long time. Give her slack. Everyone has bad days.
    via Old_Country9807
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    • pepperoni7 2d ago She is venting and often probably dosent want advice sth I learned in my 30s about people. If you guys have a solid friendship then sure if not it is just draining.
    via pepperoni7
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    motherh4n • 2d ago I used to have a friend like this, it was the most draining friendship.. I had to call it quits I just couldn't take it any longer! Sorry you had to experience that
    via motherh4n
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    shay-doe • 2d ago People like this can be annoying. Maybe she just hasn't been in company for a LONG time and she accidentally used you to dump everything she's been holding on to.
    via shay-doe

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