'John treated our house like it was his own personal man cave': Irresponsible couple trashes in-laws house while staying with them, wife balks when husband refuses to let them stay again

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 24, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Having guests stay with you is not necessarily something that people enjoy doing. Usually, they're doing it out of some sense of care or responsibility for the folks staying with you. Maybe, you think, they will return the favor one day. But usually, you open your home out of the kindness of your heart and the chance to make some fun memories. There is an unspoken social contract that goes into this, though. If you're being hosted, you must do everything in your power to make your host's life easier. You should pick up after yourself, maybe contribute a meal, and offer to help with a chore or two. Even if they don't take you up on it, at least you've made all the efforts to be gracious. 

This couple didn't quite understand that philosophy when they foisted themselves on their in-laws. Read on for the details and decide what you would have done. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10408323072
    via xbadxfaeriex
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to let my in- laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time?
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 03
    So here's the situation. A couple of years ago, my wife's (F34) brother (John, M36) and his wife (Sarah, F35) were going through a rough patch and needed a place to stay for a few weeks while they figured things out. My wife, being the caring person she is, asked me (M37) if they could stay with us temporarily, and I agreed because family is family, right?
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 04
    Well, the "few weeks" turned into nearly four months. During that time, they completely took advantage of our hospitality. John treated our house like. it was his own personal man cave, leaving trash everywhere and never helping with chores. Sarah wasn't much better-she kept "borrowing" things from our kitchen and bathroom without asking and never replaced anything. Our guest room looked like a tornado hit it when they finally left.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 05
    The worst part? They had two kids (5 and 7 at the time), and while I get that kids can be a handful, they were out of control. They would run through the house at all hours, break things, and scream over every little disagreement. My wife and I repeatedly asked John and Sarah to rein their kids in, but it always fell on deaf ears.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 06
    After they moved out, it took us weeks to clean up the mess they left behind, and we even had to replace some broken furniture. My wife apologized, and we agreed that we wouldn't put ourselves through that again.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 07
    Fast forward to now: John and Sarah are once again having issues and asked if they could stay with us "for a little while" while they figure things out (again). My wife immediately said yes, but I put my foot down and said absolutely not. I reminded her of the disaster that was their last stay and told her I wasn't willing to go through that again, especially since they hadn't apologized or acknowledged how badly they treated our home the last time.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 08
    My wife is upset, saying I'm being heartless and that family comes first. She thinks I should give them another chance and says I'm overreacting. But I feel like I'm just setting boundaries. We have two kids of our own, and I don't want them to have to deal with the chaos that John and Sarah always seem to bring.
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 09
    Now my wife is giving me the cold. shoulder, and her family thinks I'm the bad guy for not helping out in "a time of need." So, AITA for refusing to let my in-laws stay with us after they trashed my house last time?
    via u/SpicyBaby31
  • 10
    loverlyone 2h ago . "Family comes first." You're family too, right? Don't do it. I had a similar situation with a cousin. He left a terrible mess after he left. My partner talked me into letting him back and, 4 years later, I'm still mad about the mess he left and the way we were treated. NTA
    via u/loverlyone
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    NaughtyBaby92 • 2h ago You are NTA for refusing to let your in-laws stay again after the way they disrespected your home the last time. Setting boundaries, especially after such a negative experience, is perfectly reasonable. John and Sarah not only overstayed their welcome but treated your house carelessly, leaving you with a mess and damaged property. They also ignored your requests to control their kids' behavior.
    via u/NaughtyBaby92
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    You gave them a chance before, and they took advantage of your hospitality without acknowledging or apologizing for the trouble they caused. Your refusal now isn't about being heartless; it's about protecting your home, your sanity, and your children from a repeat of that chaos. Family may come first,
    via u/NaughtyBaby92
  • 13
    but that doesn't mean you need to tolerate disrespect in your own home. You're just ensuring your family—including your own kids- has a peaceful, stable environment. Boundaries are healthy, and you're simply protecting your home from another round of unnecessary stress. definitely NTA
    via u/NaughtyBaby92
  • 14
    Disruptorpistol • 2h ago NTA of course. What in the world is wrong with your wife? Does she routinely make decisions that will affect you without consulting you? I can't imagine being so thoughtless toward my spouse.
    via u/Disruptorpistol
  • 15
    Lyzab77 2h ago NTA, her family considers you are the bad guy? Why don't they help ? They can give them money or take them in their house. Not enough place? One child with mummy in a house, the other with daddy in the other house. Problem solved.
    via u/Lyzab77
  • 16
    Not your problem! You helped them for 4 months and you received nothing but a disaster! They were disrespectful and you deserve better.
    via u/Lyzab77
  • 17
    It's a two yes situation and you said no. So she can't let them come in. Maybe time to take a front door camera if you don't have one, to record what happen in front of your home, if she invites them when you're working... Just in case...
    via u/Lyzab77
  • 18
    Allaboutbird • 2h ago NTA. You mutually agreed that this wouldn't happen again and she decided to break that agreement by offering them a place to stay. It's your home too. She's in the wrong.
    via u/Allaboutbird
  • 19
    MistressLiliana • 2h ago NTA. let them go stay with the family that is giving you a hard time.
    via u/MistressLiliana
  • 20
    GirlDad2023 · 2h ago NTA whole heartedly but the first time they stayed with you lasted way too long. You needed to put your foot down when the issues started up right off the bat instead of letting it get out of hand. No way should they be allowed to stay with you again and I'd tell them every little detail why.
    via u/GirlDad2023_

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family drama aita drama living together siblings relationship-drama neighborhood-drama living family feud married life in laws family reddit thread Reddit dramatic relationship drama
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