14-year-old cries when his parents and older siblings speak only in Mandarin when he can barely understand it: 'I told my mom that she is bullying me for not knowing how to speak our native language'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 24, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

It's a truth universally acknowledged that language immersion works. If you drop somebody into the French countryside to be a scullery maid for a family who talks a lot, they will probably be fluent in French within the next few years. It wouldn't work if you know no French language and are barely exposed to real French conversations, but if you've got a couple of hundred words in your repertoire and are actively engaging in conversation whether you understand it or not, you might be dreaming in French sooner than you'd think. 

The hard part about language immersion is the feeling of inadequacy and exclusion. It's not easy to never really hear your native language and constantly try to keep up with speakers of a foreign language who constantly talk fast and use slang. One teenager whose parents were trying to help him with language immersion felt this exact frustration, leading to a big family fight. 

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    via Lynne Baltzer

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for crying when my entire family started to speak a language I barely know?
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 03
    So I'm a 14 year old guy and my parents are from Taiwan their native language is Mandarin. My older sister(19F) and older brother(17M) both speak it pretty much fluently. Well by the time I came around and was like old enough to actually learn stuff my family rarely spoke our native language. Due to that I barely speak it, my mom said I barely compare to a toddler in the language so she signed me up for online Mandarin lessons that I'm starting this week.
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 04
    Today when I came home from school my sister was the only one home and greeted me in Mandarin and started speaking to me in it, I asked her why in English and she told me in English that our parents want everyone to speak more Mandarin around the house. I just started to have a lot of anxiety because of it and tonight at dinner everyone was speaking Mandarin and I can't really pick up on most of it, I understand enough to like kind of understand what's happening in the conversation but barely an
    via u/O0OwE3E
  • 05
    CrimsonKnight_004 I'm not going to say you're an AH, but I do think you completely misunderstood your mother's intentions here. She wasn't bullying you, she was trying to immerse you in the language so you can more quickly learn. When learning a language, it's always best to be immersed in it as much as possible (some people suggest spending a lot of time watching TV/movies or listening to music in the desired language) and she was likely just trying to give you a head start by encouraging every
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 06
    Have a talk with your mom. Explain that you misunderstood, and would like to maybe set times that are "Mandarin times" (times when everyone speaks Mandatin so you can be immersed), and times when you really want/need to be heard and understood in the moment. NAH - Your feelings of being left out are valid and you aren't an AH for crying or anything. Be honest about the misunderstanding so everyone can come to an understanding. Wishing the best for you!
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 07
    Trespassingw set times that are "Mandarin times" (times when everyone speaks Mandatin so you can be immersed), and times when you really want/need to be heard and understood in the moment. This is great idea, so OP can learn Mandarin and still have time for some important talks using comfortable way of communication.
    via u/Trespassingw
  • 08
    erivanla Speaking only for myself, my adhd brain gets overwhelmed by spending too much time listening to one specific language, so these times are important. Also, if there is something you don't understand at all, the Mandarin should stop, explain what was asked to/of you, then continue in mandarin. At least until you know enough where explaining something in Mandarin can be used.
    via u/erivanla
  • 09
    user37463928 Exactly. "Immersion" is pretty useless if no one is interacting with you at your level.
    via u/user37463928
  • 10
    Atanamis That's fundamentally not true. Immersion works by forcing you to pick things up on context and repetition. It can be an incredibly frustrating way to learn, but does work.
    via u/Atanamis
  • 11
    beep beep_crunch He didn't misunderstand. If the person didn't volunteer for it, it's not a nice thing to do (to put it mildly). NTA.
    via u/beep_beep_crunch
  • 12
    Ok-Calligrapher1345 They signed up for Mandarin classes, dont exactly think this was very surprising that people would start speaking Mandarin to aid in OP learning. They definitely misunderstood
    via u/Ok-Calligrapher1345
  • 13
    -chimerical- Immersion is absolutely beneficial and it's cool that OP's family is on board with helping them learn. That said, starting FULL immersion at home before OP has even started classes? With no switching to English when they were clearly out of their depth? That wasn't helpful.
    via u/-chimerical-
  • 14
    alma-azul They should have started this "immersion" and given him "head start" 14 years ago. This is not a misunderstanding, this is his parents being lazy by not making any effort to teach their child their native language, and then 14 years later having completely unrealistic expectations in expecting him to learn it, which put their kid on the spot and probably made him feel ashamed and inadequate. My family is a bilingual household, and we have spoken Spanish and English to our kids since da
    via u/alma-azul
  • 15
    KrofftSurvivor NTA - she doesn't get to make up for years of failing to expose you to a language by forcing you into a situation where everyone is refusing to speak to you in a language you understand. Immersion is not a bad way to learn a language, but she's going about it all wrong.
    via u/KrofftSurvivor
  • 16
    squuidlees Absolutely agree. They all should've started as soon as op was a fresh baby. All the other comments saying, "well at least they're having op start now" is bogus; and does not make up for how op feels. It is a language he should've learned growing up. I'm an international adoptee (to parent of another race) and do not know my native language. I can imagine, while mine an op's situations are obviously not the same, the feeling of being so behind and therefore an imposter within what sup
    via u/squuidlees
  • 17
    Plumbus-aficianado NAH - Learning immersion style is hard at first. Accept that it will be difficult and just jump in and keep trying without embarrassment because your ignorance is not your fault. Stop them and ask when you don't understand what they said. Work at it and fluency will be hugely valuable for you. When you learned to walk you didn't just start out walking. You fell down a lot. You didn't quit then, even if it made you cry.
    via u/Plumbus-aficianado
  • 18
    BluePanda YellowPanda NTA. This is solid proof that just because someone speaks a language, doesn't mean they're a good teacher. I remember trying to learn German, I asked a colleague to practice and she spoke so fast, using complicated words, it was horrible. I told her I'm still a beginner and needed her to slow down and we can talk about easy things, and she said "no, that's not how Germans talk" and that pretty much ended my German learning adventure. I'll add, your native language is Englis
    via u/BluePandaYellowPanda

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teens cry teenager teenagers siblings Taiwan conversation language mandarin foreign language dad mom Parenting Fail parents crying
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