Online community members back employee for refusing to give vacation days to their coworker for her honeymoon: 'She wasn't happy and told me I was being selfish'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 1, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

When you're planning the biggest event of your life, what is possibly a once-in-a-lifetime event, it's important to make sure you actually get to the planning part of it and not just leave essential parts to chance… this, coming from someone who is notoriously poor at planning beyond the end of the week. 

If you want to go on a trip that is going to require you to take time off work, you should probably make sure you request the time off work first so that you're not stuck with an already booked trip and not able to leave your job to take it. This, of course, is common sense to most of us, but you'd be surprised how many people leave it until the last minute.

However, there are things in life that will require our absence from work that can't be accounted for. Maybe the coworker had to push her wedding up due to the failing health of a family member or something. That might be giving her too much benefit of the doubt, but in situations such as this, you'd hope that people—especially the employer—would be understanding and accommodating. 

But if it's really just down to good ol' poor planning, it's important to remember that "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on others." It's a hard lesson to learn, but there's a reason why this phrase is so popular.

This employee had already had their trip booked to see their family for some time; they were surprised when their coworker approached them, asking them to cancel so that she could take her honeymoon. While sympathetic to the predicament the coworker was in, the employee declined but, in doing so, earned the wrath of their coworkers. 

With everyone determined that they must be wrong for their refusal, the employee turned to this online community to see whether or not they were in the wrong. Community members reassured them that they had more than a leg to stand on in the comments, declaring that the coworker simply should have planned better.

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    AITAH for refusing to give up my vacation days so my coworker can go on her honeymoon? I work at a small company where vacation time is pretty limited, and we have to request it months in advance. I put in my request almost a year ago to take a two- week vacation during the holidays. My plan was to visit family, who live out of the country, something I only get to do once every few years.
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    Recently, a coworker of mine, who's getting married, came up to me and asked if I'd be willing to give up my vacation days so she could go on her honeymoon. She apparently didn't realize how quickly the days would fill up and waited too long to request her time off. Now, the only way she can go is if someone cancels, and since I have one of the longest vacation blocks, she came to me first. I told her I was really sorry,
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    but I can't give up my time. This trip means a lot to me, and it's the only time I can see my family this year. She wasn't happy and told me I was being selfish for not accommodating her "once-in-a- lifetime" event. Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don't have "special circumstances" like a wedding.
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    I feel bad, but I also planned this trip far in advance, and it's important to me. AITA for not giving up my vacation so she can go on her honeymoon?
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    Spoopyowo 2h ago NTA, I am assuming she planned her wedding for a while, it's not your problem that she didn't think ahead. Enjoy your vacation!!
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    peakpenguins NTA, it's not your fault she waited so long to request. the time off, and seeing your family is not less important than her honeymoon. If people don't back off I wouldn't be afraid to pull some I like "I have to go, my grandma is dying!" and watch them all feel real awkward. lol
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    clearheaded01 · 1h ago NTA . Apparently her own honeymoon was not important enough to secure time off for it.
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    Now, a few other coworkers are chiming in, suggesting I could be more flexible since I don't have "special circumstances" like a wedding Let them.give up.on their vacation, then...
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    Own-Whereas-... . 2h ago. Absolutely NOT. NTA, I repeat, NTA!! And the peanut gallery coworkers you have need to hush. You aren't selfish for taking the time that you put in well in advance. People make me sick she can reschedule their honeymoon trip, it doesn't HAVE to be right after the wedding.
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    srkaficionada65 • 2h ago. You're NTA but my petty behind would totally cancel my vacation IF and WHEN she pays me the equivalent of the greater of the PTO hours OR the cost of my travel and she'd have to pay it upfront. If she has money to plan a wedding and go on a honeymoon, she can pay me for inconveniencing me. I bet if you proposed something similar, she'd freaking back off.
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    Unpleasant_Ad... • 2h ago NTA, the wedding and honeymoon should also have been planned well in advance.
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    Amazing_Realit... • • 2h ago. NTA You are not being selfish. Her poor planning. does not constitute an emergency for you. She should have planned better and put in for the time off as soon as she could. Now she's got to deal with the consequences of her procrastination.
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    If she or your other coworkers keep giving you a bad time about this, take it to HR or your boss. It's not ok for them to be pressuring you and guilt tripping you about this. They're bullying. you and creating a hostile work environment.
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    stargazerr779 • 16m ago. NTA. You planned your vacation well in advance, and it's a rare opportunity for you to see your family, especially if they live out of the country. Your coworker's failure to plan ahead doesn't obligate you to sacrifice your own plans, no matter how "special" her circumstances may seem to
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    others. A wedding and honeymoon are important, but so is your time with family. You're not being selfish for sticking to your plans—if anything, it sounds. like your coworker should've been more proactive about securing her time off. It's not your responsibility to fix that.
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    shammy_dammy • 1h ago NTA. She failed to adequately plan. That's on her. Sounds like your coworkers are volunteering, though
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    OkCopy8361 1h ago. NTA. She's being entitled. Your trip is something you planned a year ahead and something you get to do only once every few years. You're not chilling out twiddling your thumbs on your porch burning your PTO. Enjoy your holiday!
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terrible coworkers workplace discussion employment issues amitheahole aita antiwork workplace-stories jobs employee employment-discussion AITAH job work coworkers reddit story employees etiquette overworked-employees workplace Horrible Bosses workplace drama reddit thread coworker employment in the workplace
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