Highly logical wife tells husband she married him because he asked her and she trusts his judgement, sends him on a spiral: 'She says love and marriage are not the same things'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Oct 3, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Love isn't logical, but marriage sure is. If you would marry someone without fully trusting that they will make sound financial and life decisions with you for the rest of your lives, you might not be making the smartest choice. So many girls want to marry the hot guy in the romance novel who is obsessed with them and wants them more than everybody else, but that isn't always the person you want to wake up with 20 years from now when both of you are fatter and uglier. While marriage can't function without some level of romantic spark, you have to take multiple factors into consideration before you marry someone. 

The logical woman at the center of this story did just that. When her then-boyfriend asked her to marry him, she said yes, not only because she loved him but also because he asked, and she trusted his judgment fully.

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    Cheezburger Image 10412109824
    via Vitaly Gariev

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    WIBTA for being upset at my wife's reason for marrying me?
    via u/throwaway72hsu
  • 03
    My wife(31F) is a very practical person and not really "girly". I don't know how to explain it other than she sees everything as a cost benefit analysis and doesn't seem to take much of her own preferences into account if she thinks something is objectively better. She is a senior data scientist so maybe it's why she is good at her job. I love the practically it's so nice to have a debate on why we should do something because of x y and z not because of feelings.
    via u/throwaway72hsu
  • 04
    But I asked her a question on Sat and it's been bugging me since. I asked her why she married me kind of wanting to hear how much she loves me. She said "because you asked". And I asked "well what made you say yes?" Then she said "because I trust your judgement". I was kind of taken aback and asked her what she meant. She essentially explained that she loves me but that's not enough and she would never marry someone based on love alone. She said when she was younger she loved an idiot
    via u/throwaway72hsu
  • 05
    who would have ruined her life if she married him so she never dated him seriously. She says love and marriage are not the same things. She said she trusts me to make decisions that would benefit us and our goals and marriage is like trusting someone with your life and everything you have built. I guess I should be flattered but it only seems like she picked me because Im a logical choice. Shouldn't it be more than that? That's what is bothering me. But I also know she sincerely thinks it's a hu
    via u/throwaway72hsu
  • 06
    Arievo Him: I love how she makes logical choices and doesn't argue based on feelings Her: I made this decision based on logic and not purely because of my feelings Him: surprised pikachu face
    via u/Arievo
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    AutumnMama I don't even understand op's thought process here. How is "I love and trust you" not an emotional answer? Logical would be like "well, I never wanted to get married because I know you can never really trust anyone. But I knew you would leave me if I said no, so I weighed the good against the bad and decided I would rather marry you to keep you in my life, even with the risk that things could turn bad one day." I really doubt op would've wanted to hear "you're just so big and strong an
    via u/AutumnMama
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    Brief-Bend-8605 Um... wait... is this not how other people choose a partner to marry? She loves you check. She trusts you check. She knows you will prioritize unit goals that benefit the marriage and your lives check. This is actually high praise..these are real answers not superficial ones. You love her for her practicality—she was honest and I think quite flattering. I think you are way over analyzing all this in some kind of a negative light and you reaaaaaallly shouldn't.
    via u/Brief-Bend-8605
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    olorin-stormcrow I married someone and love was the only thing we shared - a relationship built on love alone. No trust, no communication, different goals, different personalities, different everything. Can you believe we divorced after 2 years? It's not that we didn't love one another, it's that we were not a good match to build a life together. It takes more than just love - love is a prerequisite. I remarried years later and it all clicked.
    via u/olorin-stormcrow
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    Brief-Bend-8605 Agree. I can't imagine marrying someone I don't trust. Love is not enough.
    via u/Brief-Bend-8605
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    WallabyLife7863 Having emotional needs is often seen as "girly." If you're looking for an ego boost, that's considered manly and not based on emotional needs at all. OP doesn't want to fulfill someone else's emotional needs, so he chose a partner with fewer of them. But now he's frustrated that his low EQ partner isn't meeting his emotional needs.
    via u/WallabyLife7863
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    OP, have you thought about the fact that you didn't choose your wife solely because you love her? You likely did so because you didn't want to partner with someone who has high emotional needs. Your wife is right that love alone isn't a strong enough foundation for a marriage. You need to share values, be sexually compatible, want a similar lifestyle, have compatible financial priorities, and agree on whether to have children. Don't you know friends or family who loved each other but broke up ov
    via u/WallabyLife7863
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    LimitlessMegan Exactly. That's exactly it. Loves she didn't make him do the emotional work any other partner might, is upset discover that a partner like that also won't do his emotional work for HIM.
    via u/LimitlessMegan
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    cookiesarenomnom Love and marriage is not like the movies. You can't marry someone just because you love them. It HAS to be a practical and logical reason as well. Do you have the same prioties and goals in life? Do you trust someone? Even if it's a terrible financial decision, like they're irresponsible and have a lot of debt could be a reason. Even if you've loved someone more than anyone you have in the past if you disagree on something like children, that marriage will never last. Love is no
    via u/cookiesarenomnom
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    Misty Mtn421 Honestly he should feel honored he met her highest criteria.
    via u/MistyMtn421
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    neddythestylish I'm confused by why you'd say she's "not girly" and then go on to explain that she's a logical person with a kickass STEM career, who isn't ruled by her emotions. Doesn't seem like you have a very high opinion of women.
    via u/neddythestylish

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