Entitled sister expects uncle to take time off work to watch her collection of 3 children aged 10, 7 and 5-years-old: 'I told her no, I wasn’t available'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 2, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Making adjustments to your schedule and going out of your way to accommodate and do favors for others only to have them cancel on you at the last minute or throw it back in your face is going to make you like not to do it again. Really, no one can blame you for that—well, except that same disgruntled and entitled friend or family member who is coming back around looking for another favor and expecting you to drop everything at a moment's notice for them again.

Sure, it's great for parents to have family to rely on to help with childcare, it can really ease the burden when you have other things you need to attend to. Still, when you're doing a favor for someone, you'd probably prefer it be done without drama and accusations, which is what this uncle found himself facing after setting boundaries with his sister over the care of her children.

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    AITA for refusing to let my sister's kids stay with me after she canceled on me last minute? So, my (29M) sister (32F) has three kids (10, 7, 5). Last month, she asked me if I could watch them for a weekend while she and her husband went on a short anniversary trip. I agreed because I love my nieces and
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    nephew, but I made it clear that I needed at least two weeks' notice because I work long hours, and I'd have to rearrange my schedule. Fast forward to this past week. I asked my boss for time off, cleared my weekend, and stocked my house with everything the kids would need.
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    Friday afternoon rolls around, and I'm waiting for her to drop them off. Suddenly, I get a text from her saying they're not coming. She decided last minute that they were going to a family-friendly resort instead and didn't need me to watch them anymore. No apology, just, "We'll do it another time."
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    I was frustrated because I had completely cleared my weekend, turned down plans with friends, and rearranged my work schedule for this. I responded by telling her it wasn't cool to cancel on me last minute like that, especially when I went out of my way to help.
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    Then, two days later, she called me again asking if I could watch the kids the following weekend. Apparently, something came up with her original plan, and she needed someone to watch them after all. I told her no, I wasn't available. She got upset and said I was being selfish and punishing her kids for something that wasn't their fault.
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    Now she's mad at me, and my parents are saying I should be more understanding because "things come up when you're a parent." I don't have kids, but I feel like it's just basic respect to not cancel on someone last minute and then expect them to be available whenever you want. So, AITA for refusing to watch my sister's kids after she canceled on me last minute?
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    Edit: Wow, I didn't expect so many NTA responses! Thanks, everyone. I was starting to feel guilty about standing my ground, but it's good to hear that others agree it's important to set boundaries, even with family. I love my nieces and nephew, but my time is valuable too, and I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable here. Thanks again for all the support!
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I guess I might be the ah le because I refused to help my sister when she asked me the second time, even though it was for her kids, who I do care about. I know she's juggling a lot as a parent, and maybe I could've been more understanding about her canceling the first time. My
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    decision to say no the second time might seem like I was holding a grudge, and some people might think I should've just sucked it up and helped out, especially since it involves family.
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    rst... • 23h ago Edited 10h ago . Nta just tell them you cannot rearrange your schedule back to back like this, and you told her you need at least 2 weeks, so she already knew that chances were very unlikely. Her trying to guilt you is in poor taste.
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    Additionally, just because your sister was inconsiderate and you are now saying no, this does not mean you are punishing the kids. I'd probably emphasize that point the most. Instead of having her ask for a weekend for you to babysit, you could ask for a weekend to take them in the future for a makeup weekend for bonding. Take control of when you see them instead of relying on your flakey sister.
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    Ambroisie_Cy • 22h ago • NTA Sometimes, people with kids tend to think people without this responsiblity have no life and no other commitment. I had to have a talk with my family recently about this. They were taking for granted that I was available last minute to put my life aside and go for weeks
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    at a time to help out my sister and her kid or take care of my parents house while they were away or going to my brother's place to take care of his dog for a week, etc. I sat them down and explained how disrespectful it was to put me in situations where I was either the j for saying no to help out family and feeling guilty or I was the one giving up on all my plans to help out. Either way, I was miserable.
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    One of the reason I made the choice of not having kids, was because I didn't want the responsibility or having to be tied down. Yet, my family was seeing that choice as a free babysitter. But, after a long talk with them, they understood where I was coming from and I realised that I was allowed to say no (Still working on that). So, I think the best thing to do is to have a talk with your family.
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    . hushnecampus · 23h ago NTA. You're not punishing the kids, you're punishing her. The kids will be fine, it's just gonna be a PITA for her to make sure they're fine. As for what your parents said: yeah, I'm sure things do come
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    up when you handle kids, but it's your responsibility as a parent to handle those things. Anyway, this wasn't "something coming up", it was her deciding to take them with her cos she wanted to.
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    • miosassy 23h ago. NTA. It sounds like your sister really took advantage of your kindness. You had plans and made sacrifices. She should respect your time too. Good on you for stickng to your boundaries
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    PortableHobbit · 23h ago • • NTA. Tell them your work won't let you rearrange your schedule again and that you are more than willing to watch them if given two weeks notice so you can get your schedule sorted.
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    • Flying Fighting Type 23h ago • NTA just tell them you made plans you couldn't cancel after they canceled on you.
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    SilverDarner 23h ago • NTA - Part of clearing a work schedule involves accepting alternate hours. You can't just not do those alternate hours because you didn't do the thing you thought you were going to do with the free time. Does sister even have a job?
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    Positive-Platform... 23h ago. Nta and if your parents are so worried about it they can watch those kids for the weekend
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    HappySummerBre... • 23h ago Things didn't "come up" though. She just changed her mind. Nta
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    briomio 22h ago • • That last stunt would have ended any babysitting help I was willing to give her. You're not a yoyo OP - watch my kids, don't need you to watch my kids. Not sorry that you jumped thru all kinds of hoops to help me out when I cancelled last minute. Oh BYW - can you ruin another weekend of yours to help me I can't guarantee | - won't change my mind again, but hey I would be wasting your time and not my time. Your time is of no consequence to me.
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    BoobySlap_0506 • 23h ago and my parents are saying I should be more understanding because "things come up when you're a parent." Oh, that's nice of the grandparents to volunteer to watch the kids!
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    PensionLegitimat... • 23h ago. NTA. You're not punishing her kids you're punishing her as you well should be. Just because you don't have kids does NOT make your time less valuable than hers.
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    blubbahrubbah • 23h ago. Your parents are correct in saying, "things come up when you're a parent." What is also correct is that when you're a parent, your manners and consideration for other's time and effort to help shouldn't suddenly end. Unlike your sister, at least you have the decency to let her know you are unable to drop everything.
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