15-year-old publicly calls out her parents for their preferential treatment of her 17-year-old sister during family gathering: '[Things] got awkward after and my parents yelled at me'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 1, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Sisters, can't live with 'em and—can't live with 'em…  When it comes to siblings, disagreements, spats, and petty arguments are just part of the bargain, and even if you grow up to be best of friends, there will be points when you're growing up where you just want to tear each other's hair out. None of this is helped at all by sibling rivalries, the other complex family dynamics, and the topsy-turvy changes of adolescence. Still, things aren't quite even that simple or straightforward when preferential parenting and possible narcissism are involved. 

Well, it's not a family gathering without a bit of drama, and after enduring years of what she feels is clear favoritism towards her older sister, this 15-year-old confronted her parents in a very public way at a family birthday party for her father. She publicly called out her parents' preferential treatment of her sister, questioning them on their behavior. Despite the support of a caring uncle, her parents lashed back out in anger, leaving her wondering if she was in the wrong for causing the confrontation. 

She appealed to this online community to share her story and get their judgment as to whether or not she was in the wrong.

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  • 01
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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+

    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA for bringing attention to my parents favoritism of my sister in a public way? My parents have my sister Amy (17F) and me (15F). They always liked Amy more. I'm not sure why. I don't know if I'm not their real kid or if they only wanted one kid and I ruined everything but they pay so much attention to Amy, show her so much love, support her in everything and I get nothing from them. My support comes from a couple of extended family members and friends and friends parents.
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  • 03
    Examples; Amy since she was in elementary school got to pick what summer camp she went to and she never got told no for where she wanted to go. I was never given a choice. Some years I went to the local free one during the day and other years I went to no summer camp at all.
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  • 04
    When Amy turned 8 she got a bedroom makeover and was given her own TV, a cool new bed, a desk space and a new computer and they put a mini fridge in it, all in pink to match her favorite color. I still don't have any of that stuff. The laptop I'm using now was a gift from a family member. When I turned 8 I was given used dolls from the thrift store that were from the dollar store (I saw them enough times to remember).
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  • 05
    Some were even broken with missing limbs or hair that was half pulled out. My parents will buy Amy pizza or Taco Bell as a treat for "being a good daughter" and "being their special girl" and it happens at least 3 times a month where she gets it just because. I never get it just because. I don't even get it for doing good in a test like she would.
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  • 06
    They spoil her whenever she does good in a test. I never get spoiled. They told Amy they have money saved for her future. They never told me that. I brought it up to my parents before but they brushed me off, even when I cried. My mom told me to stop being so childish.
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  • 07
    That's why when my parents had a party Saturday for dad's birthday and they started boasting about Amy and how great her grades were, I kind of lost my temper and asked about me. I pointed out my grades were actually better than hers.
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  • 08
    But they never talk about me like that. I asked why they only talk about Amy. Why is she their favorite. Why don't they care more about me. My uncle (dad's brother) said out loud that I have a point. But stuff got awkward after and my parents yelled at me for doing that. AITA?
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  • 09
    OP has offered the following. explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I brought public attention to my parents favoritism to my sister. This happened at my dad's birthday party and I did it in kind of an angry and outbursty way that might make me childish and show why I'm not loved like my sister is.
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  • 10
    Ladiesbane NTA. Not only are you not the a- hole here, your parents definitely are, sorry. This is not your fault and it's nothing you deserve. A lot of parents have favorites, but most of those have the decency not to be obvious about it. Some families go through cycles where one kid is the golden child; others take turns.
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  • 11
    Find your strength, love, connection, and belonging in other areas. You need those to grow and be strong for the remaining years you are with them. And try not to let it sour your relationship with your sister if you can. If you can't, at least acknowledge that it wasn't her fault, but theirs.
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  • 12
    More unsolicited advice: try not to let their bad parenting make you a bad person. Some people never get over this stuff and it can make them more likely to engage in risky behavior (drinking, drs, with inappropriate people, etc.), thinking "if I don't matter to them, I don't matter to me". Check in with yourself and if you see self-negativity, pull it out and remind yourself that you deserved as much love as the next kid, and you still do.
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  • 13
    Definitely write down all the examples you can think of dates, times, who was present, whatever. Narrative therapy can help solidify details outside your head, getting it out of your system and onto the page. But don't destroy it. One day it might be valuable to you, to keep faith with your young self, to have a record of the truth if they every claim you are exaggerating. I'm also not joking when I say this is fodder for future work: adult reflection, therapy with a pro, or literally writing a
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  • 14
    Always keep the receipts. If your parents ever turn to you for help, you can remind yourself whether you want to put them in a nice retirement community or the kind of raisin ranch that shows up on or simply tell them 60 Minutes -- to ask the daughter they invested themselves in.
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  • 15
    • VehicleCreepy806 13h ago • NTA. When you're an adult and ready to leave, don't look back. Go NC with them and have a great life without them. And if they see how successful you are and ask for a handout, tell them you have nothing to give to them. That's me being petty, but they don't deserve it. INFO: what is your relationship like with your sister? You don't mention it, but does she act like a spoiled princess and b ly you or does she see that she's more favored and try to make it up to you?
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  • 16
    DutchDaddy85 13h ago • • NTA. I don't know what is going on with your parents, but this is definitely a form of ab e. Make sure to talk to someone at your school about this, like a counselor, they might be able to help you get some help, especially with planning your financial future with regard to education.
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  • 17
    ArchLith • 13h ago. The day you turn 18 leave and go. NC, but first tell them you took a DNA test and are disgusted with your mother. No reason not to burn a bridge if it leads to a dumpster fire.
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  • 18
    extinct_diplodocus • 13h ago. NTA. They're overdue for public exposure for private ab e. They're the ones who introduced the subject of grades. All you did was reveal the truth. They're angry because they lack any acceptable excuse.
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  • 19
    • PracticallySkeptic 12h ago • NTA. I was prepared to dismiss your complaint but it sounds serious: do you really have no college fund or bedroom furniture while she does? Do they really never praise your grades or reward you in a comparable way to sister? If so that is bizarre and inappropriate. Maybe discuss with the uncle who thinks you have a point, unless your parents are willing to listen again and hear you out. Good luck!
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  • 20
    • Marjan58 12h ago. Just wait. Amy is going to screw up big time in the future. That is when she or your parents will contact you and tell you to help Amy. Of course, you should say No. Then you will get the "but it's family" line. You should go NC as soon as you can, do your best to excel and try to make sure they never get your contact info.
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  • 21
    TRACYOLIVIA14. 13h ago • Did they denied it? I assume there is no chance you can move to another rleative !!! If you can't then try your best working on an exit plan, looks like your grades are good so build your own future But I have to admit I would also want to know why they hate you so much.
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  • 22
    Silaquix 12h ago NTA. It's called the golden child and scapegoat dynamic in psychology. It's a known phenomenon with no specific trigger. Sometimes it's about half siblings or step siblings. Sometimes it's about the scapegoat being an oops baby or because the parents had gender disappointment and put all their issues on the child. Sometimes it's just that the parents are narcissistic
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  • 23
    You need to go to outside trusted adults like your uncle or grandparents and explain exactly what's going on in the household including the b lying you described in another comment. Start doing research and making plans based on not having your parents support in the future. Heck if you can get emancipated with the help of relatives that will go a long ways to helping you to
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  • 24
    get funds for college. FAFSA uses your parents income until you're about 24 unless you can prove you're not connected to them such as with an emancipation ruling.
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