Frugal Single Mother Refuses to Buy Christmas Gifts for 40 Family Members, Focusing on Saving Money for Her 4-Year-Old Son's Future Instead

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 4, 2024 10:00 PM EST

Christmas can get expensive–and if you're a large family survivor with 25 cousins, 10 aunts n' uncles, and at least 15 in-laws that you keep getting mixed up, the holidays can take a huge chunk out of your bank account. But oftentimes, amid a mondo Christmas gift pile, common decency gets lost in the mixup. 

The holiday season can make even the most level-headed family members lose their moral compass, which is why it came as no surprise to the single mom in this next story when she got guilt-tripped into participating in the annual family Christmas party–an event that required a gift for each random cousin, half-sibling, and flamboyant uncle So when this single mother was looped into a group chat with 40 of her closest family members (and their respective Christmas lists), she decided to take a stand against the gift giving this year, focusing instead on securing a financial future for her 4-year-old son. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10431977472
    via SDI Productions

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for telling my family they will be getting ramen noodles for Christmas? I (27) female have a son (4y M) and we just moved into our first apartment this past September. After saving for almost 4 years and working 3 jobs, we were finally able to get our own place.
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    However, like last year, we can not afford to get everyone gifts. This year is especially difficult as I am not even sure how I am going to get my son anything, and I have a list of almost 37-40 people total in immediate family that I typically have to get gifts for. In the past, I
    via No-Elevator3324
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    have tried suggesting doing secret Santa's, which everyone seemed to go for, however they would want to do a separate gift exchange after which almost defeats the purpose of doing a secret Santa. Not to mention the limit is typically set to almost $100, which I just simply can not do. I've tried to
    via No-Elevator3324
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    explain before that I can't afford to keep doing this and for everyone to just not get me anything, but it's always met with an awkward conversation of "Oh, well you only have to spend $5 it's not that much". And no matter how much I
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    saw I can't, it doesn't seem to register. So this year, my family started sharing what they all want for Christmas, and I again said I can't do Christmas and to please not include me or my son as we won't be able to get anyone anything. It was met with the same response, so I simple said ok.
    via No-Elevator3324
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    Then, as everyone was sending their ideas in our group chat, I sent over the following," Hi everyone! I have said a couple times that I can't afford to do Christmas this year, however, it seems there has been some confusion as to what that means. So, just to make
    via No-Elevator3324
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    everyone aware, you will be receiving ramen noodles as that is what I can give. Kindly send the flavor of your choice, otherwise the flavor will be given at random." Not even five minutes after I sent the message, I was removed from
    via No-Elevator3324
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    the group and got a bunch of messages saying that I was an a h_le and should have just said nothing. I don't know what else I can do and frankly, I'm at a point where I'm too depressed to care. So, am I the ah le?
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    Edit: To add, I am not making this expecting any sort of charity, nor do I want any. It is difficult enough having to admit to myself that I can't afford to do Christmas how I've been doing it, let alone to ask anyone for anything (which I know extends from my past, but that's a
    via No-Elevator3324
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    story for another time). As for anyone assuming this is fake, I really wish it was. Unfortunately this has been a recurring topic for the past few years, and has only really gotten bad the past two as I was searching for a place for my son and I.
    via No-Elevator3324
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    As for how much I spent last year, had started purchasing gifts for my relatives back in June since I knew the list was long, that way it wasn't spending at that money at once. A majority of it went towards my son, and I am glad I was able to give him one final "big" Christmas while I still could.
    via No-Elevator3324
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    Also, I have noticed people making recommendations to groups that post discounts, Amazon sales, ect and I really appreciate that! If anyone knows of anymore pages, please let me know as it can not hurt to be apart of more than one!
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    I plan on sending a message out to all of my family again today, explaining how I've been feeling and I am hoping they can listen, but who knows.
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    SoMoistly Moist Buying gifts for 40 people is insane anyway. With extended family we all just draw names and we have a $25 limit. I mean each parent buys for their own kids but when you draw a name that's the only other person you have to buy for. It doesn't seem like your family knows what the spirit of Christmas is about. Sounds like just give me gifts or you're an ah le.
    via SoMoistly Moist
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    Medium Ad416 Exactly, buying for 40 people is ridiculous. Your family needs a reality check on what Christmas is actually about-it's not a gift grab.
    via Medium_Ad416
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    AvaVirgoVortex OP has communicated her financial constraints and tried to find alternative solutions like Secret Santa, but her family didn't respect your boundaries. NTA :)
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    Emma3190 Your family shouldn't be guilting you into buying gifts when you've already explained that you can't participate in that way, you also have offered a more cost effective option. I'm sorry for what you're going through, I'm sure life is hectic enough without worrying
    via Emma3190
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    about this. If you want to maybe defuse the situation a bit (which you don't have to) it may be worth texting and saying that you didn't mean to cause offense but the sentiment still stands; you can't afford to give gifts and you'd appreciate not being guilted then ostracised as a result.
    via Emma3190

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