'Disrespectful. Spineless. Weak': Pushover husband allows sister's 5-year-old to run wild in their house, break wife's belongings with no apology, wife wants recourse

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 25, 2024 1:00 PM EST

Having children over at your house is no simple task. If you're used to existing in the adult world, having kids suddenly enter your space can be jarring. You realize quickly how much breakable stuff you own, how many sharp edges there are, how many possibly dangerous items you have lying around, and how kids have no regard for that kind of thing. It then becomes the job of the parents, or whoever is in charge, to make sure that the kids stay in their lane, as it were. That's just called good manners. 

And then heaven forbid something goes wrong, the parent should be the first to apologize and make amends the best they can. That's not what happened in this situation, though, when a husband's neglect for his wife's things when it came to kids visiting became too much to bear. Read on for the story and see what you think. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10432374784
    via Austin Pacheco

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • 02
    AITA - For admitting to my husband that I'm uncomfortable with certain children in our home?
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 03
    Hello, 31f married to my husband, 35m. Together 10.5 years. We have no kids and live in our house with our elderly dog. We are both from a small city, and a few years ago decided to move to a bigger city nearby. In recent years, close friends and family have started families and ask to come stay with us when in big city, with their small kids.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 04
    Our house isn't really kid-friendly, I child-proof best I can to make it safe for guests. I prepare toys, snacks, Disney+, make it a friendly place. I generally enjoy spending time with the kids in my life.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 05
    My husband's sister's youngest son (5) has severe behavioral issues. He's been kicked out of 3 daycares and has diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. My SIL comes over for days-long visits with her 3 kids, and he is a huge challenge. He knocks furniture over, throw things around, he's broken several of my items. He snoops in every single room, constantly. Opens every drawer and cupboard to pull things out. SIL ignores it, I'm the one chasing him around trying to stop him. I am so uncomfortable having my
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 06
    I once found him snooping in our bedroom. He grabbed something very inappropriate from a drawer and was about to run into the main room with it when I grabbed it. I'm the only adult trying to stop him. Husband and SIL do and say nothing. I tried setting boundaries of rooms that are off limits with my most personal items, but they were ignored.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 07
    As well, my husband's best friends have a 4 year old boy who is very disrespectful in our house. He insults us, screams at my dog, snoops around, wipes his nose on couch pillows and his parents don't do a thing. I don't expect perfect behavior, I just want decent manners and respect in my home. Now, whenever these specific people ask to come stay with us, I'm filled with anxiety and dread.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 08
    During SIL's most recent visit, my husband allowed nephew into an off- limits room and he broke a little Lego item my friends' kid made me. Afterwards I told him how I felt about it and that I was struggling with my discomfort. He was offended. "Every time kids come over, you have a complaint/ kids. will be kids / you need to lighten up." Said I'm overreacting about the Lego and it wasn't a big deal. I said the point is that a boundary of mine had been ignored and an item was broken, again.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 09
    I explained I have no problems with kids if they can behave. I mentioned the incident of nephew handling a bedroom item. My husband said that I shouldn't let it bother me, and to try to find it funny instead. I know a big part of his defensive reaction is because SIL's family is the only real family he has. I understand that he's trying to just have a good time with them in his home without negativity.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 10
    I want to mention I've always conveyed. my concerns to him in a respectful and mature way. I still wonder, if I'm actually TA here and maybe I'm being too negative when my husband is just trying to enjoy time with what little family he has left.
    via u/thunderstormthursday
  • 11
    extinct_diplodocus • 18h ago • NTA and not negative enough. You're acting like, and he's treating you as, a doormat. The rules for somebody staying over should be two yes or one no. This is your home, not a hotel. You're entitled to a peaceful home and a husband that cares more about you than other family and friends. You still wouldn't be TA if you decided that any children coming over was too many. Let him visit SIL in her home.
    via u/extinct_diplodocus
  • 12
    HandBananas Revenge 17h ago • . NTA and I wouldn't want poorly parented children in my home, either. I have one friend who we never invite over anymore because one of the kids is so poorly behaved and they check out whenever someone is hosting them, meaning we would have to constantly corral their kids while they sit around doing nothing.
    via u/HandBananasRevenge
  • 13
    Your husband is being an AH for dismissing your concerns and not caring that reasonable boundaries are being broken. I can only wonder how he would feel if the roles were reversed and the bad children belonged to friends or relatives of YOURS and it was HIS stuff getting broken.
    via u/HandBananasRevenge
  • 14
    Hungry-Book • 17h ago • NTA. Kids will be kids but if those parents aren't HELPING correct their children while visiting, I wouldn't want them in my own. Family or not.
    via u/Hungry-Book
  • 15
    dryadduinath . 17h ago • No. NTA. They're breaking things and getting into your nightstand (I assume), that's not something that should be able to happen without a parent on their ass apologizing profusely. If your husband refuses to listen, start locking away things you don't want broken, lock rooms the kids have no reason to be in, and be clear that your husband will need to clean up after his family. As well as replacing the things they break.
    via u/dryadduinath
  • 16
    sugarsyrupguzzler • 16h ago NTA. If their parents wont parent, become a and a dictator and get angry. If they don't like it, they can LEAVE.
    via u/sugarsyrupguzzler
  • 17
    • Pillowprincess_222 · 16h ago • NTA. Why are you cleaning up and not him.
    via u/Pillowprincess_222
  • 18
    Outside_Guidance47... 16h ago • • NTA stand up for yourself, your husband is belittling you. Tell your husband the lay of the land. Either he and you SIL can supervise the children properly the whole time they're there so nothing gets broken, snooped in or turned over or it's going to be a no for visits. Also open your mouth and tell SIL/the friend directly when something crosses your boundaries while they're over.
    via u/Outside_Guidance47
  • 19
    . Alwaysorange1234 • 15h ago Top 10% Commenter What an awful husband you have. Disrespectful. Spineless. Weak.
    via u/Alwaysorange1234
  • 20
    magicmavenhart 16h ago Maybe try raising your voice a little with phrases like "Will, I have TOLD YOU not to touch that!" And see if SIL starts caring? Or put kid in time out / the calm down corner and tell them they must stay there? If you more actively parent, the actual parent might start caring.
    via u/magicmavenhart
  • 21
    whatdidthatgirlsay Top 5% Commenter 15h ago. NTA - Your husband isn't going to change his position. The solution here is to firmly speak up immediately when bad behavior begins: "Johnny, no, are not allowed to enter that room. Mom, can you please redirect Johnny to a suitable activity, please? That room is off limits and my direction is being ignored. Thanks!" Do not allow the behavior to continue.
    via u/whatdidthatgirlsay
  • 22
    A-Strange-Peg · 15h ago • NTA and while kids will be kids, these kids are not acting like regular kids. They're acting out. That is a huge difference and your husband and SIL are not doing the kids, not you any favors.
    via u/A-Strange-Peg
  • 23
    If husband will not listen, it is time to make one room in your house 100% kid free with a lock. Get the 'helpful Hardware Man' or someone to show you what to buy and how to install it. If nothing else, stop being the good hostess, retire to your room with your things, and use one of those old fashion rubber door stops, to
    via u/A-Strange-Peg
  • 24
    keep the kids out. If anyone say you are selfish; don't show mad, just quietly say: "All I've been asking for is few safe places in our house, so my things do not get rummaged thru or harmed. As you both say that 'is too much for me to ask, I'll back off. AND This is ME, backing off.'
    via u/A-Strange-Peg

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