Woman Cuts Financial Support to Parents After Finding Out That They Use Her Money to Splurge On Luxury Items Instead of Rent and Utility: 'I trusted you'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Nov 24, 2024 5:00 PM EST

Welcome, gossip goddesses. If your parents were to come to you asking for money to help with rent and utilities, it would be fair to assume that they are likely in a very bad place financially, and that you are one of their last lines of defense against going completely broke. They probably exhausted all other means of procuring money, and just need a bit of assistance to get back on their feet. In our story today, our protagonist was under the impression that this was the case for her own parents. However, after lending them money to help with living expenses, she came to realize that they had actually been spending it all on luxury items. 

In most cultures, adults are often expected to help their parents live comfortably in their old age, but they should not be required to fund luxury lifestyles. While our protagonist would gladly have treated her parents to some expensive items and take-out a few times a week, she did not appreciate being duped into believing that they were struggling to keep their heads above water. Get all the details down below. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH u/AdWest6928.9h AITAH for Refusing to Financially Support My Parents Anymore After Seeing How They Spend the Money?
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 02
    I (27F) have a really good job in tech, and I make a good chuck of money. I've been able to pay off my student loans, save for a house, and even treat myself now and then. I know I'm lucky, especially compared to my parents, who have struggled financially for as long as I can remember.
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 03
    My mom stays at home, and my stepdad works, but they've always been bad with money maxing out credit cards, taking out loans they can't pay back, that kind of thing. A few months ago, they came to me saying they were falling behind on rent and bills. They seemed desperate, and I felt guilty because I can afford to help, so I agreed to send them $1,600 a month to help them get back on their feet.
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 04
    At first, I didn't think much about it. I trusted they were using it responsibly. But then, I visited them last week, and the first thing I saw was a brand-new flat-screen TV in the living room. There were other new things too a new designer bag, a fancy coffee machine, and they casually mentioned ordering takeout "almost every night" because my mom doesn't like to cook anymore.
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 05
    When I asked how they could afford all of this, my mom shrugged and said, "Oh, we just wanted to enjoy ourselves a little! Life's short." That really upset me because I've been giving them money thinking it was going towards rent and utilities, not luxuries.
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 06
    I tried to bring it up calmly, but my stepdad got defensive, saying, "It's our money once you give it to us, so why do you care?" My mom then started laying on the guilt, saying how much they sacrificed for me growing up and how it's my turn to "step up and help."
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 07
    I told them I wasn't going to send them any more money if they couldn't use it responsibly. Since then, they've been calling me constantly, leaving guilt-trippy messages about how I'm abandoning them. Even some extended family members have chimed in, saying I'm being selfish because I'm so "well-off" and it's my duty to help my parents.
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 08
    I feel torn. I don't want to see them struggle, but I also can't keep throwing money at them when they're spending it on things they don't need. I've worked hard to get where I am, and it feels like they're taking advantage of that. So, AITAH? ↑ 1,986 295 D
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 09
    Candid Process1831 ° 9h NTA! You did the right ting, tjey need to learn to budget there money and spent the money you send them for the rigjt thing paying off debts and bills and not spending it on useles stuf. They are the AH for taking advantage of you. Reply 964
    via u/Candid_Process1831
  • 10
    hiimlauralee • 9h If it's their money once you give it to them and they can do what they want, it's your money before you do and you can do what you want including not giving them any. Keep your money and live your life. ... - 687
    via u/hiimlauralee
  • 11
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h Thank you they won't get any more money directly from me 392
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 12
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h Thank you so much. The money should be used to pay of bills and other expenses they have not for TV's and other useless stuff like you said! 61
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 13
    Bearliz • 9h Especially a designer handbag. Ridiculous. 42
    via u/Bearliz
  • 14
    Locurilla • 9h nta! and block your credit. they may out of revenge take loans out in your name Reply 249
    via u/Locurilla
  • 15
    Calliopemermaid ⚫ 6h . NTA. There's a difference between supporting and enabling, and it sounds like you're in the latter camp now. You've done more than enough, and it's okay to set boundaries, especially when your generosity isn't going to the right places. ← Reply û 41 ♡
    via u/Calliopemermaid
  • 16
    Clean Factor9673 Your mom needs a job. NTA 9h ← Reply 37
    via u/Clean_Factor9673
  • 17
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h Yes she does, she is capable of working. ... 500 27 д
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 18
    Catlover9382.9h NTA they took advantage of your generosity and were ride when you questioned them. Do not give them any more money ever. Reply 31
    via u/Catlover9382
  • 19
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h They are my parents but unfortunately they are financially absolute morons in managing there money they just spend it on useless stuff 13
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 20
    UncleNedisDead 6h Just tell everyone you're keeping the money safe for when their medical expenses exceed their SS and assets and need help paying for a nursing home. Because that's really what's going to bankrupt everyone. रु भी 15
    via u/UncleNedisDead
  • 21
    firemeup18 9h The entitlement of some people always leaves me shaking my head. ... Reply 19
    via u/firemeup18
  • 22
    Rye_One_ 9h Next time your parents ask for money, just tell them you spent it all living a little - because, you know, life's short. Besides, it's your money before you give it to them, so why should they care? ← Reply 15
    via u/Rye_One_
  • 23
    Happy-go-luckyAlways • 9h NTAH - FFS! It's never the child's responsibility to help anyone, parent or not. It's the parents' responsibility to make sure the child grows to be an independent, respectable adult. Stop giving them money, you're just an ATM to you. You owe them nothing. Anyone who thinks you do, tell them they can support those irresponsible adults. Reply 10 ↓
    via u/Happy-go-luckyAlways
  • 24
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h Your right parents should help out there children not the other way!
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 25
    starhexed 9h They can spend the money how they want, but they shouldn't be surprised when it gets cut off. It's hard to watch your parents struggle but it sounds like they're taking advantage of your good graces. Your extended family can chip in if they'd like. NTA ← Reply Ĵ 6 ♡
    via u/starhexed
  • 26
    Ο AdWest6928 OP. 9h They are taking advantage! Extended family they only talk but won't step up with nothing so i don't listen to them anymore. 193
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 27
    Hungry_Dream6345.5h Let me say this very clearly as a father, and I want you to hear me: you don't owe your parents ANYTHING. They brought you into this world and it is their job to make sure you have an okay go of it, that responsibility NEVER reverses. Best of luck. ← Reply ↑ 6 ↓
    via u/Hungry_Dream6345
  • 28
    NTA. thewoodsiswatching • 9h IF you want to help them, find out what their rent and utilities accounts are and pay them directly and give them no more money than that. That way they can't spend YOUR money on anything but what keeps them under roof.
    via u/thewoodsiswatching
  • 29
    I had a loser brother that was the same way. Loaned him money, next thing I know he's got new clothes and eating steaks. So the next time he called me for money because he was going to lose his house, I had him give me the mortgage company coupon and address. I paid them directly. He was angry, oh well. 25 ← Reply
    via u/thewoodsiswatching
  • 30
    AdWest6928 OP. 9h thanks, that's what I'm going to do, pay rent and utilities directly without handing them any more money over directly. 4 д
    via u/AdWest6928
  • 31
    Happy-go-luckyAlways 9h Then they'll use the money they are saving to keep on funding their life. Don't do it. Soooo stupid. Cut them off. It's that easy. Q 38 ↓
    via u/Happy-go-luckyAlways
  • 32
    NTA susx1000 9h Personally I wouldn't give them another cent. Not everyone is like me though; I understand if you want to help. My recommendation: don't give anything to them directly. Payment goes directly to the creditors, not your family. Reply Ŷ 5 ♡
    via u/susx1000
  • 33
    londomollaribab5 8h Do you have a brand new flat screen? A fancy coffee maker, a designer bag? Do you eat takeout almost every night? Seems to me you are correct that they don't use the money they're given responsibly. Don't feel guilty they don't deserve your help. Block them on your phone or anywhere they could get ahold of you. NTA Reply
    via u/londomollaribab5

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