Stepdad refuses to acknowledge his 6-year-old stepdaughter after divorcing her mom, only spends time with his 18-month-old biological daughter: 'I feel she’s no longer my responsibility'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 11, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

I hate to see adults downplay the importance of their relationship with the children in their lives. I'm not talking about a random family member that a kid sees once or twice a year: I'm talking about grown-ups who actively take a parental role in their kids' lives, and don't fully accept the responsibility of what that means. They try to use adult terms to justify why they don't care enough about their stepchildren, claiming that because they're not biologically related to them, they don't have an obligation to care for them. Sure, they might not have a legal obligation to pay for the life of a child they didn't mother or father, but that's not what's keeping them up at night. What's keeping them up at night is the fact that they know the kid worships them and wants their approval more than anything, and they aren't doing anything to maintain that relationship. 

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  • Female toddler riding on mans shoulders in front of trees
    via Christian Bowen

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The stepdad in this story was the sole father figure to a little girl for four out of six years of her life. Now that he and his wife are broken up, he doesn't want anything to do with this girl, despite the fact that he fathered her sister.

  • AITA for only taking care of my kid?

    I was with my ex wife Amy for 4. years. We have a 18 month old daughter Wynne. We got divorced last year. Amy has a 6 year old daughter Ella whose dad isn't involved. During our marriage I took on the the brunt of the money stuff because she was a SAHM our whole relationship.The whole time I
    via u/Pure_Chef_8438
  • treated Ella no different than I treated Wynne. I got her everything she needed and I cared for her as a parent should. Once we split up we split 50/50 custody of Wynne. I pay insurance as well as pay her monthly payments by choice as I make more money than her. I
    via u/Pure_Chef_8438
  • want our daughter to have a comfortable life. My issue is my ex wife is feeling some type of way because I no longer want to fund Ella's life. When I pick up Wynne it's not a secret we go off and do fun stuff like the zoo or what ever else we can get into. Wynne also often gets new clothes and shoes. Amy feels it's
    via u/Pure_Chef_8438
  • A pile of toddler clothes sitting on top of a wooden chair
    via Daiga Ellaby (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • not fair that I won't maintain Ella's life anymore after 4 years of doing it. That I've abandoned my "daughter". I feel she's no longer my responsibility. I know Amy cannot afford to give Ella the life we use to give her but why should i have to do it? I talked to
    via u/Pure_Chef_8438
  • Closeup portrait of cute smiling blonde Caucasian preschool girl in pink t-shirt on light background child with long pigtails hair posing looking in camera kid expressing positive emotions
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • my mom about it and she thinks I'm a massive a h le as she sees Ella as her grand daughter just as much as she sees Wynne. So AITA? If so I'll eat it and continue to help with Ella.
    via u/Pure_Chef_8438
  • -MicrowavePopcorn- Legally, you're entirely in the clear. Morally, YTA without a doubt. Either you only pretended to love and care for this child for 4 years, or you're beyond callous to cut off all contact just because you have no legal obligation.
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  • Bud Buffalo Say he did/does care for her? I think he can occasionally take ella out with his daughter, but Why should he pay a dime? Why shouldnt his ex wife be pursuing child support from the child's ACTUAL FATHER? Answer without insults or attacks please.
    via u/Bud_Buffalo
  • Sithstress1 Let's put the money aspect aside. OP is the only father Ella has ever known. He was there for her for 4 years, and now all of a sudden he's gone from her life but not her half sister's. How would that make you feel? Would you want a child to feel that?
    via u/Sithstress1
  • billymackactually Let's look at this from Ella's perspective. For four years, she and Wynne had a daddy. Now, mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, but daddy only visits Wynne, buys Wynne toys and clothes, takes Wynne out for fun times, and, in my little girl opinion, loves Wynne. I don't know what I did. wrong, but daddy doesn't love me anymore, he only loves Wynne. No do you understand why OP is an AH if he treats Ella differently?
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  • SeaLionsAreFunny This! Not to mention the only dad she likely remembers being that she's 6 now and he's been around since she was 2. I feel so bad for Ella. This has to be destroying her. H _I I'm 40 years old and if my mom and stepdad (who met and married after I was an adult) split I would be crushed if he just cut me out of his life completely.
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  • OP stop taking your feelings for mom out on the child and continue loving her and caring for her the same you did for the only life she remembers. Currently, YTA.
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  • mmmkay938 She's 6 now. The divorced a year ago. So the kid was only 1 when he became dad to her. From 1-5. YTA OP. A giant one.
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  • OnyxEyez Yeah, legally, sure, you're probably in the clear. But to the six year old child to whom you are the only father she's everything known? Morally and emotionally, YTA. This isn't about money, and deep down you know this. This is about a child who now sees daddy (or Hon) doesn't actually love her. She sees you take her sister places and spend time with her and get her things she needs, while all of a sudden dropping her out of your life. You were serious enough (were you lying? pretending
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  • You are VERY focused on money in this post, what you did for her before, giving her mother money now, not wanting to spend money on her now. In fact, it seems like you are looking at this as a way to punish your ex by saying you don't owe your daughter anything else. This isn't about money to your daughter, this is about her love for you and wanting to spend time with you and your rejection of her. Right now, you have a chance to fix this. If you chose not to, it's not your ex you are hurting, i
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  • Your mother is right and acting as a real grandmother. Also, there are a lot of former step parents whose ex won't let them see the child they raised and loved, harming them and the child, and there a lot of former step parents who continue to see the children as their own and maintain wonderful emotionally supportive relationships. Your daughter needs you, and i have to wonder if you were lying all along.
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  • Such-Problem-4725 You define the reason that children should never trust a stepparent. Yeah, YTA
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  • Negative_Comfort6848 Or the reason people shouldn't date single. parents.
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  • Kitastrophe8503 People who cannot emotionally bond with a child in their care who isn't biologically theirs should definitely not date single parents.
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  • Furizaku This will probably be an unpopular response, but yes, YTA. Whatever went on between you and your ex-wife, I'm sorry, that s ks. However, while you may not be the biological father of your elder daughter, you are the only father that girl has ever known or loved. She didn't hurt you. None of this is her fault. You suddenly excluding her from your life, only showing your care and love to your biological daughter, is unbelievably cruel to that poor kid. She doesn't understand. She'll never
    via u/Furizaku
  • I'm talking from experience here. My mom abandoned me too after she left my dad. She raised me from about 3 years old until I was thirteen. You think I gave a sh that she wasn't my biological mom? You think I went, "oh, well, she isn't technically related to me, so it's okay." I loved her with my whole heart and realizing I was just "her ex's kid" to her was devastating in ways you'll never understand without having gone through that yourself.
    via u/Furizaku
  • Man, that sh left wounds in me that still haven't healed. You're doing that to your daughter now. Please, God, talk to that poor girl and let her know you love her and you're there for her. Tell her you were confused and didn't know what to do, but that nothing's gonna change the fact that you're her dad and you'll be there for her whenever she needs you. And then follow through, man. You CHOSE to be that kid's dad, so please snap out of whatever spiteful funk you're in and be there for her.
    via u/Furizaku
  • ZarEGMc Adding onto this from the opposite end of the spectrum: My stepdad raised me from the age of 2 until 15, I had my dad in my life and still the fact that my stepdad reassured me I was still his kid, and his family reassured both me and my mum that we were still a part of their family? That was priceless to me. It's been over a decade since my mum and stepdad split up, and he's still a dad to me. It's a relationship I value beyond measure. He's since re-married and had another child, that
    via u/ZarEGMc
  • OP, I hope hearing both how much it can hurt to lose a loving step parent and how much it can mean to keep that relationship will show you why the people in your life are reacting the way they are. The only person losing out here is Ella, who as far as she's concerned, has lost her dad
    via u/ZarEGMc

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divorced family drama child toddler kids mother toddlers stepfather parenting stepdaughter divorce family stepdad daughter mom Parenting Fail children Father
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