‘I’m standing firm’: Woman refuses to lend entitled sister her wedding dress in hopes she can pass it down to her daughter, causing their relationship to reach a boiling point

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jan 3, 2025 9:00 PM EST

Many women hold their wedding dresses near and dear to their hearts. After all, you wore that beautiful number as you walked down the aisle at your ceremony, all the way to your life partner who promised you forever. Keeping clothes because of their sentimental value makes a lot of sense, especially when you're considering holding onto the item so your future daughter can wear it in all of its gorgeous glory, just as you did many years ago!

What do you do when your sister tries to hijack your wedding dress, despite you having told her "No" more times than you can count? Even after you justify why you refuse to let her "borrow" the dress, she continues to turn your family against you in hopes you might budge. That doesn't sound very sisterly to me. Luckily, the woman in the story you're about to read refuses to compromise her boundaries and is getting a lot of heat for it. Scroll to read,

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    "Emily and I had a tense phone call last night. She accused me of being materialistic and said I'm letting ‘a stupid dress' ruin our relationship. I told her that's unfair, and if our relationship hinges on this, maybe there's more to unpack. She hung up on me."
    via Unsplash (Tom Pumford)
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    ** am I the a✶✶ hole for Refusing to Let My Sister Have My Wedding Dress?
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    1 (28F) got married three years ago and had my dream wedding. My husband and I saved for years to afford it, and I splurged on the perfect dress. It's a custom-made gown that cost a small
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    fortune, but I justified it because I wanted to pass it down to my future daughter someday. Fast forward to now. My sister, Emily (25F), is getting married in six months. She called me
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    last week, gushing about how her wedding budget is tighter than expected and asked if she could borrow my wedding dress. At first, I was flattered, but I politely declined. I explained that the dress
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    has a lot of sentimental value to me and that I want to keep it for my own reasons. Emily was upset but dropped it, or so I thought. Over the weekend, my mom called me, saying I
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    was being selfish and unkind. Apparently, Emily had been crying to her, saying I don't care about her financial struggles and that it's just one day-why can't I share? Mom even offered to have the dress professionally
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    cleaned after, but I still said no. The truth is, I don't trust Emily to take care of it properly. She's not the most careful person, and I know she'd alter it to fit her style. I also don't think anyone
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    owes their wedding dress to someone else, no matter how close they are. Now my mom and Emily are calling me a bridezilla three years later and accusing me of putting a material object over family.
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    My husband thinks I did nothing wrong, but some of my friends are divided. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to lend out my wedding dress? EDIT: For context, Emily and I have always had a
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    rocky relationship. She's not the type to respect boundaries, which makes me even more hesitant to trust her with something so personal. I didn't include this at first because I wanted to focus
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    on the dress itself, but it's worth mentioning. EDIT 2: Wow, I didn't expect this post to blow up. Thank you for all the comments and perspectives. To address a few recurring questions: 1.
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    Why not let her borrow it if she'll pay for cleaning/alterations? I know my sister, and I don't think she'd stick to "just borrowing" it. She's impulsive and has a history of doing things her way, even when she says
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    she won't. I'm worried she'd make irreversible changes to the dress and brush it off as "no big deal." 2. What about offering financial help instead? I could, but she hasn't directly asked for
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    money-only the dress. Plus, I think this is more about the symbolism of the dress than the cost. 3. Why not buy her a different dress or let her rent one? I did suggest helping her find a rental
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    dress, and she scoffed, saying "nothing will compare" to mine. 4. Would I have let her borrow it if I didn't want to save it for my daughter? Honestly, probably not. The dress is still very personal to me, daughter
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    or not. But knowing I might pass it down adds to why I want to keep it pristine. UPDATE: Emily and I had a tense phone call last night. She accused me of being materialistic and said I'm letting "a stupid dress"
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    ruin our relationship. I told her that's unfair, and if our relationship hinges on this, maybe there's more to unpack. She hung up on me. My mom also texted me, saying she's
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    "disappointed" and hoped. I'd reconsider. I feel stuck, but I'm standing firm. I'll update again if anything changes. Reddit, am I digging my heels in too hard? Or is this boundary reasonable?
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    ANOTHER EDIT!!: Thank you guys for the support after all of this drama her husband/ finance started to message me I have yet to look at the messages though she has gotten everything in life ever
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    since we were kids she has always wanted to one up me and it was quite insane. She said that she "wouldn't be able to have the joy of passing a dress down to her future kids so
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    it's my job to give her that experience so that we can both enjoy it" to me that sounds utterly insane and crazy let me know if I should keep talking to her it seems that no matter
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    how much time passes this isn't blowing over I love my sister and k don't want to cut her off but threating me is a bit over the top..
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    hamster004 · 1d ago . NTA. Your dress, you paid for it. Your sister needs to grow up and stop demanding other's people's things. Your mother needs to stop enabling your sister.
    via hamster004
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    MajorUpbeat3122 • 1d ago This is all ridiculous. You don't need to have reasons to say no. It's your property, lend it out or don't as you see fit.
    via MajorUpbeat3122
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    Educational Roy... 1d ago She just wants to destroy anything precious to you. Relocate your dress to someone's house that she can't access, for the next decade. She's a permanent 4 year old and she's going to destroy it
    via EducationalRoyal3880

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family drama marriage drama wedding drama sisters wedding day reddit story family feud wedding dresses wedding entitled people karma wedding dress entitled family sister reddit thread Reddit weddings entitled people
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