40+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (December 7, 2024)

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  • 01
    Jenni @hashjenni I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet 2:55 AM 1/23/24 8.7M Views • 411 34K 224K ☐ 4.5K I
  • 02
    Grace @gracecamille_ i am at my thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet • • 12:51 PM 11/28/24 1.4M Views 82 19.2K 101K ☐ 2.6K
  • 03
    gabica @thosegrose (british guy unhooking your bra) all right, what's all this then 9:11 PM 11/23/24 7.4M Views 515 14K 236K 12K 企
  • 04
    stoolie memes @StoolieMemes replied to a work email on my phone in front of my dad 12:01 PM 11/26/24 4.6M Views
  • 05
    jazz @jazzanchovy At around 3pm today it officially becomes The Holidays- you don't have to try at your job and you can drink at any time. This typically lasts until Reyes Magos but you can push it to MLK day if you have the courage • 9:35 AM 11/22/24 1M Views 41 17 3.6K 37K ☐ 1.3K ↑
  • 06
    Candy Man @BigMarkYo My lunch accidentally falling out of my masculine pocket at work Father @Mpikanisi__.2d Carrying a lunchbox to work is a feminine trait. There's absolutely nothing manly about that. 2:41 PM 11/23/24 5.1M Views
  • 07
    hannah @TribalSpaceCat I was at the post office and someone at the back of the line said "do you mind if I skip to the front? I just need to mail a package” and the bravest man in the world said "do you think we're all here for fun?" michael wave @michael__wave. 2d astonishing how whenever you go to the post office the queue in front of you is made up almost entirely of people who appear to have ended up at the post office by accident, have in fact never visited a post office before, and have no
  • 08
    Brad Williams @funnybrad As a dwarf, I feel like a disappointment because | never learned to forge • 6:47 PM 11/22/24 659K Views 2.1K 17 1K 30K ☐ 394 企
  • 09
    Football @BostonConnr Me to my 15 month old nephew when he tries to put on Bluey: 1:59 PM 11/28/24 629K Views 45 1597 58 20K ☐ 210 企
  • 10
    santos-inistas @JDabknee ugh wish there was a way to kill microbes in milk:/ NEW YORK POST New York Post @nypost. 1d Bird flu virus detected in raw milk from dairy farm based in Fresno, Calif. trib.al/Nqhczqc RAW FARM RAW MILK GRASS-GRAZED . 5:57 PM 11/25/24.6.1M Views 556 17 17K BEST BY 11/27/2024 LOT#20241109 RAW FARM 301K 3.8K ↑
  • 11
    andi♡ @momofroggie "don't post wicked spoilers!!” so fun fact it's actually a 21 year old musical adapted from a 29 year old book which is based on an 85 year old movie which is adapted from a 124 year old book 12:17 AM 11/22/24 1.3M Views 29 11K 114K 2.2K 企
  • 12
    Maybe: Jacoby @Getthebagcoach I know when someone is dating somebody younger than them when I see them MNF 164. KS MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL BET ESPI SCOTT 24 RYAN 10:22 PM 11/25/24 4M Views 1.1K 176K JASON MARCUS 27-24 28-24 90K ☐ 2.5K 企
  • 13
    Mustard @mustard I just walked down the street and yelled my own name i forgot i was me. 12:54 PM 11/27/24 3.7M Views • 880 14K 165K ☐ 3.6K ↑
  • 14
    girlboss don biggavelli @rwxoxo dark at 5pm on a night with no plans: every passing minute is a reminder of endless. nothingness, existence is a prison dark at 5pm & on the way to an evening plan: look how the city lights dance for me, who knows what wonders await, the night is young! 5:11 PM 11/27/24 1.5M Views 46 19.3K 107K ☐ 4K 企
  • 15
    ThexyBeatht❤ @ThexyBeatht_2 I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still • 2:27 PM 11/27/24 66K Views 59 17255 2.3K ☐ 56
  • 16
    Coastal Country Club ❤ @ccmembersonly Making my famous Infants' Tylenol donuts for Thanksgiving. Recipe below. @tylenol Infants' TYLENOL®
  • 17
    Forward March @RunOldMan My horoscope was so wrong today I'm beginning to doubt the science behind this life planning tool. • 9:08 AM 3/12/24 17K Views . 10 17 206 292 6 企
  • 18
    lan + MacGregor ❤ @macgregor63 Got him at last light. Neighbor's front yard, 20 yard shot. C. Thes
  • 19
    Luca ☑✪ @lucawya Thursday is fine Tomorrow, Nov 27 $53,346.29 Delivery Thursday, Nov 28 Free Delivery • 8:58 PM 11/26/24 4.8M Views 439 19.4K 275K ☐ 4
  • 20
    Elena @VirtualElena This might be the funniest travel TikTok I've ever seen Tik Tok Bonus* TikTok Bonus of Saudi Arabia initial first impressions of Riyadh 7,012 ... 47 9:10 AM 11/24/24 · 578K Views . 53 1.2K why does this place kind of remind me of Houston هلي كيمز KIDS 29K 1.5K JAVA TIME جافا تايم 7,012
  • 21
    model actress whatever lissa @flickerush pov: my spotify wrapped You spent the entire year listening to the same 3 artists are you expecting something new here 10:43 AM 11/27/24 7.4M Views . 291 17 73K 412K ☐ 8.6K 企
  • 22
    Janel Comeau @VeryBadLlama French husband told me that this is "probably enough butter to make Thanksgiving dinner" and I think I am probably required by French law to report him to the nearest embassy GRADE AA BUTTER NET WT. 4 OZ. (113 grams) • 6:03 PM 11/25/24 1M Views • 1.7K 2.4K 72K 823 ↑
  • 23
    Kristen @Kica333 According to my chocolate advent calendar tomorrow is Christmas. • 8:57 PM 11/26/24 177K Views 127 549 7.6K 95
  • 24
    Tom Zohar @TomZohar Not now sweetie mommy is taking the lyrics of Defying Gravity and really holding space with that and feeling power in that 3:46 PM 11/22/24 642K Views 35 17 2K 40K 757 企
  • 25
    Zach Raffio @zachraffio ME: Colman Domingo would make a great Hermes in the Hadestown movie GUY WHO I'M TRAPPED IN A CAVE WITH: cool but I meant ideas about how we get out of this cave 5:33 PM 11/26/24 96K Views . 9 255 4.9K 108 企
  • 26
    Joe Seppi ❤ @_JoeSeppi At our son's first t-ball game watching him hit a dribbler 5 feet then run to third base 7:35 AM 11/22/24 2.4M Views 53 tz 1.7K 51K ☐ 1.2K
  • 27
    frye ❤ @____frye you shouldn't sleep with the door closed. it's bad for air flow 7:27 PM 11/23/24 160K Views 98 17507 7.6K 454 ↑
  • 28
    National Park Service @NatlParkService Your chances of being hunted by a turkey are low, but never zero. ALT 9:34 AM 11/27/24 2.2M Views 662 17 9.7K 78K ☐ 2K ↑
  • 29
    Simon Holland @simoncholland Helping in the kitchen this morning. So far I've used 467 paper towels. 6:57 AM 11/28/24 32K Views 34 111 1.2K ☐ 12 ↑
  • 30
    Four-eyed Edo Boy™ @Alex Houseof308 Me on my way to work, masculinely: @hennydemiks CACZERZE Father @Mpikanisi__.3d Carrying a lunchbox to work is a feminine trait. There's absolutely nothing manly about that. 2:07 AM 11/25/24 11M Views Q1.1K 1 34K 321K 7K ↑
  • 31
    King Cisco✰ @AiyukCisco If you're single, just stay single. My buddy's out here apologizing for taking a nap like it's a crime 4:00 PM 11/26/24 5.4M Views 648 11K 125K 5.3K 企
  • 32
    Tyler Conway @jtylerconway TVs are like literally the only thing that have gotten cheaper as I've gotten older Fat Kid Deals @FatKidDeals • 11/13/24 Growing up I always imagined a 100" TV would cost like a million dollars or something Costco has one for under $1700 on Your Phon Today www ETRY of Optomet Hisense Member Value Hisense Bockit Voice Remote OFFICIAL TV OF THE NA 995 med doganoly 995 mediogondimente 100" FULL QLED RRAY CAL IMMING M SONY BRAVAS LG COA QUANTUM ULED 4K Hisense Google TV N
  • 33
    Vic @VicVijayakumar Hey dad- I don't really need your help, I just called to say I'm going to win $100k. ✔ @JWepp. 4d 1 hour to eat this for $100k.. who u calling for help MCD on FRESH BEEF M 3 Ac McD 03 ald's
  • 34
    jonpants @jonpant yesterday at the post office, guy in front of me: "i'm interested in sending a letter." po clerk: "OK do you have the letter?" guy: "no I do not". michael wave @michael___wave. 1d astonishing how whenever you go to the post office the queue in front of you is made up almost entirely of people who appear to have ended up at the post office by accident, have in fact never visited a post office before, and have no idea what they want ou... 10:31 AM 11/23/24 759K Views • 37 tz 1.5K
  • 35
    greg ⭑ @gandalf_thegreg let's get this 4 day weekend started. cheers y'all • 5:25 PM 11/27/24 1.5M Views 137 11.6K 25K 692 ↑
  • 36
    empress sissi @historicalfits dad just confused an episode of full house with a memory of our actual family and I had to be like no that wasn't us you watched that on full house 8:48 PM 11/27/24 3.2M Views 180 1 6.7K 201K ☐ 5.3K ↑
  • 37
    Mo Mohler @MoMohler Whoa. Ive been using this stuff on my teeth. Fact @Fact. 1d A bit of toothpaste can successfully fix a scratched cell phone screen. 11:39 AM 11/27/24 2.2K Views 3 27 12 65 ↑
  • 38
    kelli @Laguna BiotchIG Trying to figure out if this girl from high school and her husband got divorced. I'm incredibly busy. • 8:19 PM 11/27/24 · 735K Views . 36 tz 1.7K 36K ☐ 518
  • 39
    Orwell & Goode @OrwellNGoode . 1d Johnie @Johnie Follow ! Why is my LG Washing Machine using 3.6GB of data/day? Used Percentage 4.68 % Period Traffic 175.60 MB Daily Traffic 3.66 GB LG Smart Laundry2 open 300 MB 225 MB 150 MB 75 MB 0 Bytes 20h 23h on 1 2 3 4 5 6h 7h 8h 9h 10h 11h 12h 13h. Client Name: LG Smart Laundry2_open App Name SSL/TLS General 18h 19h Upload 3.57 GB 84.00 Bytes Download 95.75 MB Total 3.66 GB 2.81 KB 2.89 KB 3K 16.7K 154K IlII 7.6M ☐ 1 Live Free Logic ❤ @LiveFreeLogic big b
  • 40
    nadine x @fakenadine today i saw a group of 15 teenage boys hanging out after school in the whole foods cafe and every single one of them was eating their own personal rotisserie chicken 9:40 PM 11/27/24 4M Views 738 7.3K 198K 6K
  • 41
    Katie @ALadyNamed Katie Police officer: please step out of your vehicle me: after this song, hold on 10:31 PM 11/27/24 24K Views 45 143 1.1K 16
  • 42
    helkum → @he1kumwya bro is fighting demons PASSENGER ARBAS OFF DON'T LOOK DON'T JUST AT HER INSTAGRAM MESSAGE HER GO HOME QU-XD COASTEG

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