Father demands daughter donate her kidney to him after he abandoned her as a child, she refuses, only for the rest of the family to take his side: 'They are calling me selfish'

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 11, 2024 10:00 AM EST

How can one differentiate between people who act and make decisions out of selfishness and people who simply try to look after themselves and their own needs?

As a society, we are constantly being flooded with contradicting messages when it comes to self-love and care: 'Be kind to others', 'Love thy neighbor', 'Put yourself first', 'Love yourself before loving others', etc… These messages make it impossible to know when we're supposed to put ourselves first and when we need to put ourselves aside and help others.

When it comes to our family, this differentiation becomes even harder. We go back and forth between fighting for ourselves and giving everything to the people we call family. This makes setting clear boundaries become the stuff of legends….

The daughter in this Reddit story decided to put herself first when she refused her estranged father's request for her kidney donation. However, she was met with criticism from the rest of her family for being selfish and heartless…

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    Cheezburger Image 10439343104
    via Pavel Danilyuk

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

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    AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to my estranged father who abandoned me as a child?
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    I (28F) was raised by my mom after my dad walked out on us when I was 5. He left to start a new family and had little to no contact with me growing up. He never paid child support or even called on birthdays or holidays.
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    For years, I struggled with feelings of abandonment, but I eventually moved on and built a life without him. Fast forward to now-out of the blue, I get a call from his wife telling me my father is very sick
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    and needs a kidney transplant. She told me that I'm the best match and begged me to get tested. Apparently, his other family members aren't compatible.
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    I told her no. I don't owe him anything after the way he treated me. He made his choices when he abandoned me and my mom, and I feel no obligation to put myself through a major surgery for someone who's essentially a stranger to me.
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    Since then, I've been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless. They say I'm letting him di out of spite and that I need to "be the bigger person." Even my
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    mom thinks I should consider it, not for him, but to avoid carrying guilt if he pa es away. I don't feel guilty. I feel like he's reaping what he sowed, but part
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    of me wonders if I'm being too harsh. AITA for refusing to donate my kidney to the father who abandoned me?
    via Illustrious_File5876
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    blablablablaparrot • 18h ago Top 1% Commenter Call the hospital and inform them that you are being pressured to donate your kidney. Hospitals take this very seriously. Keep your mother away for now as she is adding to this pressure.
    via blablablablaparrot
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    "Since then, I've been bombarded with messages from his side of the family, calling me selfish and heartless." Block Block Block. ΝΤΑ
    via blablablablaparrot
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    Exotic TrapFish ⚫ 18h ago Don't even need to read based on the title, but did anyway. NTAH! You can deny anyone your kidney whether it's a spouse, sibling, child, or parent. It's a major surgery taking out a
    via ExoticTrapFish
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    necessary organ. It's not redundant having two when you could potentially need one yourself later in life. It's your body
    via ExoticTrapFish
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    Separate-Parfait6426 • 17h ago Agree to be tested, tell the person who is testing you that you do not want to donate, and they then tell his family that you are not a match (without disclosing that you refuse to donate). One way to get his family to leave you alone.
    via Separate-Parfait6426
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    You are right in not donating. There may be somebody in the future, who you actually love, who needs a kidney, and if you donate to your dad, the person who you live might d¨.
    via Separate-Parfait6426
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    Geetersmith 17h ago You're NTA. Your body, your choice. I had a similar situation and chose myself too.
    via Geetersmith
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    • adjudicateu · 17h ago · Unless it's related to outside factors, you may be at risk of kidney problems yourself. Keep you kidneys. You don't owe him a body part. NTA
    via adjudicateu
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    pixie-ann⚫18h ago Top 1% Commenter NTA you don't owe ANYONE a kidney. Donating an organ comes with considerable risk and it's not something to be undertaken lightly. You could go through with the testing and apparently (so I've been told) part of the process
    via pixie-ann
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    involves the medical team asking if you're being coerced into donating. If you say yes then they'll tell everyone you are not compatible, even if you are. Your family might leave you alone if that's the case.
    via pixie-ann
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    Make sure you aren't out of pocket for costs for tests. I wouldn't trust these grubs to pay you back. Either way, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Your Dad and his minions are truly awful.
    via pixie-ann
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    2dogslife •17h ago ⚫ Edited 17h ago • Top 1% Commenter Wife can donate her kidney, as can any of his family members that don't match, and the PTB (powers that be) will play a game of dos-e-do so that a match is found for your bio-dad while someone else who matches the
    via 2dogslife
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    donated kidney gets their match. It's pretty standard stuff. ΝΤΑ Also, who's to say you would actually be a match, maybe you're a match to your mom or someone else? I mean, the guaranteed way to get them off
    via 2dogslife
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    your back is to go and get "tested" and tell the person you are there under duress, and they will announce you are not a match. We could say, this is karma coming to bite him in the a for being such a father.
    via 2dogslife
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    pandacorya 2h ago • Your feelings are valid. He made his choice years ago; now you're making yours
    via pandacorya
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    womanbutdivine • 2h ago Guilt shouldn't be used to manipulate you into something this serious
    via womanbutdivine

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family drama aita kids mother abandoned donations reddit story dad love entitled family daughter Reddit mom children entitled people Father
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