Freeloader Boyfriend Throws Tantrum as Girlfriend Seeks More Equal Shared Household, Refusing His Exceeding Demands

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 14, 2024 11:00 PM EST

There aren't many things that can be as rewarding as giving to the people you care about and seeing your loved ones enjoy the things you put your heart into making. Sharing is caring might be a cliche but it proves itself true over and over.

This is especially true when it comes to your partner, even the smallest things can be offerings of appreciation and consideration. These mutual tokens of affection can be an everyday reminder of the bond you have and can even strengthen it. But what happens when they don't go both ways?

This is exactly what this woman is dealing with. Her boyfriend, 32, moved in with her and hasn't been helping much since. Not to talk about any gestures of recognition. The woman, seeking advice, posted her story to Reddit, where commenters had a very easy time determining who was in the wrong here but also offered some great interpretations, fresh perspectives, and fascinating pieces of advice.

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  • 01
    I'm starting to feel like his reactions are unfair, but I also wonder if I'm being unreasonable. Am I in the wrong here?
    via themacx
  • 02
    AITA - My Boyfriend (32M) Thinks I'm "Selfish" for Not Sharing Certain Things?
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 03
    I (31F) have been living with my boyfriend (32M) for 1.5 years, and recently, we've had a series of arguments about me being "selfish" and not wanting to share certain things. I'm starting to feel like I'm
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 04
    walking on eggshells, and I need an outside perspective. For Context: Before moving in, he lived in a bachelor pad he took over from his sister. Most of his belongings were in this kind of condition (except his TV
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 05
    and PS4). When he moved into my place, I helped him since he doesn't drive and doesn't have a car. He ended up bringing just his clothes, TV, PS4, and a few kitchen supplies. Everything else in our home is mine
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 06
    (furniture, appliances, etc.), and I've been happy to share it all and never gave it much thought because I just was happy. I handle all payments and transaction for this apartment so I also sometimes
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 07
    I handle all payments and transaction for this apartment so I also sometimes just let tiny fees and payments slide and don't even mention this to him. When I have to bring it up" in this dumb arguments I am the weird one and shady for it even though we are broth struggling financially here and there. Here are three recent examples in the last two weeks:
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 08
    1. The Protein Powder Incident:
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 09
    My sister gifted me a high-quality protein powder. I hadn't started using it yet because I wanted to wait until I got back into my gym routine. My boyfriend had just finished his own diet shake powder and, without asking, started using mine-several times.
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 10
    When I politely told him I didn't want to share it (especially since he doesn't replace things he uses up), he seemed to accept it at first but then helped himself again a few days later. When I confronted him about it, he threw a tantrum, and we didn't talk for two days.
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 11
    2. The Gum Incident:
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 12
    I bought a $5 pack of gum from the pharmacy (specifically for oral hygiene) and offered him a regular pack instead when he asked for some. It's not about 5$ or gum for me - I share every other food, spices and so on. I didn't even
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 13
    think much of it when I offered him another piece... He got upset and later even brought up this "selfishness" to my family. Somehow he only cared about the gum after knowing that there is a difference.
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 14
    We started watching a show on my newly subscribed Amazon Prime account. I set up this account before when he didn't talk to me over the protein powder to watch a certain show. The next day, he impatiently
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 15
    skipped to a random episode without rewinding, and I clearly jokingly said, "Hey, this is my Amazon, you j!" And laughed (I thought with him). nope. He got annoyed, left me to eat alone, and again called me selfish.
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 16
    This is just one of many examples. It's usually about how he treats furniture I've brought or food that he just finished. When we fight and I get called selfish, I keep mentioning that i am sharing a hole apartment already and that I
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 17
    don't have to share 100% of my belongings with him (it's really just my expensive shampoos, certain supplements or this kind of things) everything else is used by us both here.
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 18
    I'm starting to feel like his reactions are unfair, but I also wonder if I'm being unreasonable. Am I in the wrong here? TL;DR: My boyfriend moved in with me and thinks I'm selfish for not sharing some things like protein powder, special gum or food in general. Never refills things. Is this a red flag, or am I overreacting?
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 19
    UPDATE He apologized today after locking himself in wthe bedroom yesterday about all this. We still gotta talk though. I'm thinking of suggesting to use those splitting apps, where you can track each others expenses (some friends of mine use it).
    via Emotional-Test2020
  • 20
    DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA 15h ago • Professor E... Top 1% Comme... NTA. I wonder, does he share any of his things with you or is this a one way street? Anyway, OP you're dating a grown man who throws tantrums when he don't get his way; you really want to be with a man like that? This is very entitled behavior
    via DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
  • 21
    PhoenixMStar • 1d ago • NTA. But your man is a . He came with nothing so that's why he's under the impression that's what's yours is his. And hes now manipulating you by saying you are selfish for setting up boundaries.
    via PhoenixMStar
  • 22
    Girl. Have some self respect. Yes, he refills things from now on. Including, that powder he used. It wasn't his. At all. And if he tries to weaponize your family against you again, let him know he can take his to the door.
    via PhoenixMStar
  • 23
    Quipsar 1d ago • NTA. Boyfriend doesn't seem to understand that what is yours is yours. Its amazing that you have examples, as people will pull the "name three times I did that" card and now you actually have those three times. your boyfriend needs to A) Calm down and B) buy his own stuff.
    via Quipsar
  • 24
    Emotional-Test2020 OP 1d ago • Thank you, too bad he never accepts any of these examples but thank you for your advice 853 ○ Reply curvycurly 1d ago • Part ipant [2] You mean too bad for HIM. He had the opportunity to listen and apologize and instead chose manipulation and tantrums. You're going to feel so much lighter when you've kicked him out.
    via Emotional-Test2020, curvycurly
  • 25
    Spallanzani333 • 1d ago • Part ipant [2] NAH It sounds like you two have different expectations for what it means to live together. Have you talked it through in general, not just these specific incidents? I
    via Spallanzani333
  • 26
    definitely assume that food in the kitchen is available for anyone unless my husband points something out and asks me not to eat it. To me, that's normal and how we've operated since moving in together. Maybe it is to your bf too. The other two examples you
    via Akeath
  • 27
    gave also sound very minor...... $5 gum and a streaming profile? I would not want to be in a relationship where we are worrying about who paid for the gum or where my partner got annoyed that I was using his
    via Akeath
  • 28
    Amazon profile. Doesn't mean my view is right, just that it may be an underlying mismatch and not your bf being a j. Is he generally selfish in other ways? Does he freely share his stuff with you? Who knows, maybe you have been being
    via Akeath
  • 29
    considerate not eating stuff he bought, while he's been buying it assuming you are welcome to it. Y'all should have a conversation and sort it out.
    via Akeath
  • 30
    Akeath 1d ago Edited 1d ago NTA. I think you guys might just have different ideas of what living with a romantic partner is. You also might put a different value on material objects. I think it's probably some of both.
    via Akeath
  • 31
    It's possible the reason your boyfriend barely took anything with him last time he moved was not because it used to be his sister's place. He may just be like that every time he moves - my brother is like that. If he moves in with a romantic partner and then
    via Akeath
  • 32
    they break up, he'll just leave all the furniture and almost everything else with the ex. He'll leave stuff she had before they met, stuff he had before they met, stuff they split the cost of, just about everything. When he's living with a romantic partner, everything is "ours". When he's
    via Akeath
  • 33
    not with that person anymore, most everything then defaults to "hers" except things he uses a ton like game consoles, the clothes on his back, and his favorite tools and kitchen stuff he bought with just the right give to ideally flip his famous burgers. He doesn't
    via Akeath
  • 34
    want to bother with deciding what belongs to who. Then he may move in with another romantic partner and use that partner's stuff knowing he's not going to take any of that with him if they aren't right for each other and repeat. My brother and many other people I know don't really
    via Akeath
  • 35
    care much about stuff - how it looks, the style, etc. and they don't get attached to material items in general. You can tell when someone is like that because they aren't very invested in taking care of material items, either, which it sounds like is also
    via Akeath
  • 36
    how your boyfriend is. Hopefully as a girlfriend you can train him to treat stuff you both use better, because as a sister I've found it impossible (I've heard it's easier with romantic partners, but it still may take years. Luckily my husband's father was a "Collector" so I haven't had to wage that battle.
    via Akeath
  • 37
    Once my husband and I moved in together, we just let each other use all the stuff we'd gotten from before we got together. We're a team, a unit, so we think in terms of "ours" rather than "mine vs. yours". I brought in the t.v. and he brought in the game console
    via Akeath
  • 38
    consider them ours equally now. The thing with that is that once my husband and I started living together, everything we bought from then on was split down the middle cost wise. We split groceries, rent, utilities, streaming services, etc. evenly. We both paid for it, so we can both use it. So it
    via Akeath
  • 39
    for it, so we can both use it. So it sounds like if your boyfriend wants that kind of sharing, then he needs to start paying for half of everything moving forward. We generally don't split costs by use - husband uses more electricity because he likes the house at a
    via Akeath
  • 40
    more comfortable temperature and I use more water because of my aquarium but we just file it under utilities and each pay an even half. Same thing with groceries - we buy a more
    via Akeath
  • 41
    expensive type of protein drink because of me and we get a more expensive toothpaste because of him but we just put those both under grocery costs and pay half evenly.
    via Akeath

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Dating-Relationships boyfriend love language relationship advice relationship living together partnership household moving in relationships girlfriend advice couples couple
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