'He basically started explaining my work to me': Lawyer and researcher gets criticized by friends for "causing drama" with a mansplainer

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Dec 16, 2024 3:00 PM EST

This is one of those disagreements that's splitting up a friend group! 

When you're out with a big group of your friends for a night out on the town, you're hoping you'll have a great evening. But it totally depends on who you're with. For example, if you're hanging out with your friends and then your most rowdy friend shows up, you know you're now going to be out until 4 AM. Or maybe you're having a peaceful night at first, but then the friend who always starts drama comes along, and now there's a few different squabbles going on. Ugh. It's not always in your control. But you would hope your friends would have your back at the very least. 

This woman had a strange encounter with a bro who just had to have the last word in their conversation. Smart people don't often insist that they're correct about things: instead, they'll ask questions, since they're always in the pursuit of learning more. If someone is unwilling to open their mind and learn new things, it's a pretty good indicator of how bright they are. Check out this person's story below to see for yourself. 

Up next, read about this person's clever way they're avoiding their boss on vacation: "I won't be expected to work?"

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  • 01
    TWISTED loga- LIV
    via Kevin Curtis on Unsplash+

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for not telling a man that the research he was mansplaining to me was my own?
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 03
    I don't normally post on reddit so please forgive me if I do this wrong. I (33f) work in a very small, technical, specific, male dominated field. I won't give too much information on it as I think you could easily find my identity if I did, but let's just say it's a sub category of law.
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 04
    I graduated 9 years ago (for anyone wondering, the system in my country is different than in the US so I only studied for 5 years), and am now a lawyer as well as a researcher. I published some work here and there but nothing too major, and no one outside of that field knows my work.
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 05
    Yesterday I went to a bar with a couple of friends who introduced me to one of their friends who works in the same field as me. I was pretty excited to meet him because it's rare to meet people who work in that field. He doesn't exactly do the same thing as I do, he's not a lawyer but a legal advisor, but we work on the same topics. So naturally we started talking about our work.
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 06
    At one point we were discussing a point on which we had different opinions, so I explained mine to him and he replied by saying that my opinion was based on nothing while his was based on the work of a professional (you guessed it, me). He basically started explaining my work to me, but in a completely wrong way and missed all of my points. I asked him if he was sure that that was what the author meant and he Isaid that he was because it was "pretty simple actually". For
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 07
    another good 20 minutes he explained all of it to me in details, like I was a first year law student. I didn't say anything because it was pretty funny to watch him say things that were completely wrong with so much confidence. After that the topic changed and the night went on, but at the end of the night right before leaving I decided to tell him that I was actually the person that wrote the work he had quoted, and that he hadn't really understood it. He
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 08
    reacted very badly and got angry, and he told me that I had manipulated him to humiliate him. He yelled at me for not saying it was my work at the beginning. I simply replied that he had embarrassed himself and left. I woke up this morning to texts from my friends saying I was wrong for causing drama and tension and that I could've been nicer to their friend. I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong there. I mean yes, I could've told him right
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 09
    away, but is it that big of a deal that I didn't? I'm not exactly sure. AITA? Edit: I forgot to make this clear and maybe it's a bit of a misunderstanding, but both conversations happened only between the two of us. We were the only ones talking about our work and our friends also weren't really there when I told him that I was the author. So it's not like I
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 10
    publicly humiliated him. The only thing "embarrassing" for him here is that a woman seemed smarter than him, and I think that's what ge had an issue with. Edit 2: I've seen some comments claiming that this post was fake because "that just doesn't happen", "i've seen many other stories where the same thing happens", "that's not realistic".
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 11
    I'm not trying to justify anything because I don't really care, but I just find it funny to see lots of comments from women sharing similar stories and then lots of comments from men saying it doesn't happen.
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 12
    L. NTA and kudos to you for being so calm when he mansplained your own. research! Question: Did your friends. also reprimand their friend for screaming at you? I mean that wasn't exactly friendly either...
    via u/Miserable_Bag_4746
  • 13
    VerbingNoun413 NTA This is hilarious.
    via u/VerbingNoun413
  • 14
    YarnPenguin This is as good as that man on twitter that tried to tell Margaret Atwood which religious doctrine the Handmaid's Tale was a critique of NTA
    via u/YarnPenguin
  • 15
    According-Ad... NTA He f ed around, found out. He's just p ed as a small man that realised he was outclassed and potentially made some massive career errors. Being plain wrong, to start with, and then being enough of a misogynist to behave like that without
    via u/According-Addendum65
  • 16
    realising you were the author. You took the trash out. He probably behaves like this in the office too, so taking him down a peg probably hit too. hard.
    via u/According-Addendum65
  • 17
    Constant-Goat... NTA. A decent person would just laugh and apologize admitting he really must've looked funny to you, and then respecfully ask to explain the points he did not get. No matter how late you revealed the truth, and even if you said that a little bit
    via u/Constant-Goat-2463
  • 18
    bitter any sane, healthily - confident person would apologize for misinterpreting your text. He could continue argueing, but how he reacted was not normal. You're ok.
    via u/Constant-Goat-2463
  • 19
    Opening-Work... NTA He's the Maybe three times. Twice. Firstly for mansplaining. Second for kicking off. And possibly third for whining to your friend.
    via u/Opening-Worker-3075
  • 20
    You merely listened politely, and gave him enough rope to hang himself. Not your fault he took it.
    via u/Opening-Worker-3075
  • 21
    WomanInQues... NTA - "How dare you let our friend behave like himself in public! You were supposed to help him cover up his ignorance!" Perhaps they are angry and feel foolish because of what their association with him says about them?
    via u/WomanInQuestion

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friendship academics lawyer friends Lawyers research mansplain mansplaining
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