19-year-old student returns the favor after being awoken at 4 AM by roommate loudly returning home from parties: 'She woke up, and yelled at me for being loud'

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    AITA for waking up my roommate and calling her a spoilt brat? Not the A-he AITA for waking up my roommate and calling her a spoilt brat after she got mad? My roommate and I (both 19F) are first years at university. For context, I am a bursary student which basically means I get more financial support due to my low income background. My
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    roommate, let's call her M, is much more well-off than me and comes from boarding school, rich parents, etc. At first we got along really well. Problems started coming up when M continued going out at night (clubbing, partying etc) and would come back, usually dronk and delirious, proceeding to wake me up at around 4am. In the mornings I usually tried to be quiet, I wouldn't switch on the
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    lights while getting ready, in order not to wake her up even though she never gave me the same treatment. Also, btw, I go out too but not every night like she does, and I enjoy drinking/partying as much as the next student, but I also want to the make the most of my studies, plus I can never afford continuous club nights.
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    Another issue is she often brings people around to our room, sometimes female friends who sleep on our floor, and she would only 'ask permission' a few hours before like: 'btw, my friend is staying around tonight! Ok?? | found it annoying but not really a major issue until she started bringing her boyfriend around, I was coming back on Monday to find M and her boyfriend 'napping' in our room, which really frustrated me, because I never bring my boyfriend around as I didn't want to make her feel
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    That night she went out as usual and came back around 4am Tues morning, threw up in our waste bin, and fell asleep. I decided that enough was enough, that if she was going to live with no regard to me (she knew I had a test at 9:00am) that I would the same. I got up by switching on all the lights, and not tiptoeing around like I usually do. She woke up, and yelled at me for being loud,
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    saying she had a massive headache and had only two hours of sleep, and needed to rest. I said that I also wanted to sleep but I couldn't, because she had woken me up coming back at 4am, and that actually she had been really inconveniencing me the last few weeks. To which she decided to respond that it wasn't her fault I was 'too boring' and 'too stingy' to go out, and that she was acting like a normal first year student, that I was the weird
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    one. I responded by saying 'yeah well you're just a spoilt brat who's wasting her parents money by missing all her classes to sleep and party, and im done dealing with that' She started crying as I left for my class, and I came back to the news that she reported me for discriminatory comments. AITA? We have a meeting for 'reconciliation and conflict resolution' coming up where im expected to profusely apologise
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I called my roommate a spoilt brat to her face. I might be the ah le because this is ride and judging her for something which is not her fault, which is her parents wealth.
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    Tangerine_Bouq... Tell your side of the story. You're trying to get to your classes, and sleep is necessary for health. You do not need to apologize for living your life, or for telling her that what she's doing is not acceptable in your dorm room. The "spoiled brat"
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    comment may be ride, but it's not "discriminatory" and given the situation, it seems. pretty true. Maybe better to say "acting like a spoiled brat" but if it quacks like a duck, you know. Rich people aren't a legally protected class (although of course they're protected by, you know, everything), so she can explain the exact discrimination she's alleging. Partying isn't a protected characteristic.
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    NTA. You don't have to tiptoe around when you get up in the morning just because she parties all night. She can stay somewhere else if the expected--yes, normal-- university life of actually sleeping at night and going. to classes is a problem for her.
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    thefullnine4rain Oh, h I no! Don't apologize...TELL THEM THE TRUTH! You're NTA, she is! Make a list of how many times, and how many things, she's said or done. Throw her under the bus. I'd even call her parents and tell THEM what she's doing.
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    DrPablisimo If this is in the US, I am pretty sure that 'spoilt brat' is not a legally protected category. Tell your story, and see what happens. You can even mention the boyfriend on the floor and how it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you have documentation of nights this happened, you can mention it.
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    In the mean time, can you change roommates any time or just between semesters? Maybe one of her wild party friends has a normal roommate who would not mind a change. Try to find a normal, non-party roommate, or one who at least does not bring the effects of the drinking and the partying into the dorm room (vomit, friends on the floor, etc.)
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    MidnightMalaga NTA Also, a lot of people are telling to you to go in guns. blazing, and I'll just say - I've always had a lot more success playing the incredibly reasonable one in the room with a hothead over also shouting.
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    I'd s k it up and apologise. Point out the stress you were under with your upcoming exam, the unsanitary conditions, and your sleep deprivation, but agree that you still shouldn't have called her names. Turn to the authority figures to the room and ask for how to best fix this.
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    In the interests of keeping the peace and minimum effort, they'll probably suggest mutual agreement of quiet hours and no overnight guests. Go for it and nail down terms then and there, because I guarantee the conditions they'll place will align a lot more with your preferences than your roommates.
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    From there, each time she breaches them, calmly talk to her and note it down. Once she's up to 3-4, go back to the RAs during the daytime with your time stamped and factual notes and try for a room swap instead. If they don't, that's when you start making it the RAS problem in the middle of the night, especially when she brings guests back.

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