Brother cancels attendance to Christmas lunch, wants sister to travel 3 hours to his place instead: 'He immediately got defensive and suggested we just do our own thing'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Dec 24, 2024 12:00 PM EST

Traveling to visit family for holidays can be a real delight, but there's definitely a limit to the distance and time traveled at which the whole affair becomes too long for a simple day trip. By the time you factor in 3-hours there and 3 hours back, that's pretty much the day gone just there; there's not really that much holiday left to enjoy outside of the time spent together in the car. You could stay with them for the night but still, staying in someone else's house feels burdensome, and in a lot of ways, it's just better to be in your own bed at the end of the night.

And, when it's just for a Christmas lunch, it's understandable to consider the whole undertaking to be a little too much for a simple lunch. Still, it's a little silly to consider it to be too much for yourself and cancel and then turn around and expect the original host to travel to visit you instead.

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    Cheezburger Image 10446440704
    via Andrej Lišakov For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    AITA for refusing to drive 3 hours to Christmas lunch? A week ago, I suggested to my brother that I host Christmas lunch at my place and have him and his wife over. He liked the idea of spending Christmas together, but said he didn't want to deal with the Christmas traffic to get to my side of the city. Instead, he proposed that we celebrate on another day. I was fine with that and suggested we pick a location halfway between us if we weren't going to meet on Christmas Day itself.
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  • 03
    Fast forward to today, he called me after discussing it with his wife and offered to host at their place instead. My first reaction was to ask if this didn't just reintroduce the issue of having to deal with Christmas traffic- the very reason he didn't want to come to my place. He immediately got defensive and suggested we just do our own thing for the holidays.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 04
    For context, my brother often drives long distances, while I rarely do. Additionally, I have health issues that make long trips harder for me to manage. So, AITA for not wanting to drive 3 hours each way for Christmas lunch- especially when he was the one who didn't want to deal with traffic in the first place?
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 05
    EDIT: I should add that last year he suggested that I host at my place. I'd only just moved in, so it didn't happen. Since I'm more settled, I thought I'd offer for this year. He also makes similar length trips, every couple of weeks. UPDATE: I am going - figured life is too short and I don't want to regret not spending time with family.
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  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I decided to not go out of my way to get to Christmas lunch with my brother and his wife. Not being accommodating then possibly makes me the ahle at any rate, it is - how the rest of my family view it.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 07
    National Pension_110 NTA. Relationships are about compromise. Are there any other extenuating circumstances? Like are they caretakers for small children, elderly or pets that can't be left alone for a half day? Is there any mass transit available to help? You make it sound like you live on opposite sides of a city- that must be a big metro area, so wondering if there are any trains, etc, that can make commuting easier? Good luck. If not, just meet over FaceTime or zoom, | guess.
    via happy_angry_octopus
  • 08
    Victor-Grimm NTA-Your initial response was valid and he probably got mad because when he asked his wife, she asked why they couldn't come here instead? His brain probably shut off and didn't compute the explanation he gave would be responded back to him. He is mad because he realized at that moment him asking that of you was stupid and should have never been asked. Basically, the light bulb came on and he realized he is an idiot.
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  • 09
    AnonAnontheAnony NTA, it's not completely reasonable to drive 3 hours, just for lunch. I could see a few reasons why you may want to, or it would be worth. the drive, but you would not be the a hle for politely declining even in the absence of those reasons. Invitations are not obligatory.
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  • 10
    Sea_Firefighter_4598 NAH neither one of you really wants to make the three hour effort. That's okay too.
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  • 11
    FlanSwimming8607 It was okay for them to drive the long distance but not you? Even if he is accustomed to long drives maybe it's out of necessity and not because he "likes" it. Do your own thing or meet in the middle. Kinda TA.
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  • 12
    SkyComplex2625 NAH - if neither of you want to drive then do your own thing as your brother suggested.
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  • 13
    ChocolateSnowflake Slight YTA. Because you wanted him to drive 3 hours to you on Christmas Day. But are unwilling to do the same yourself another day.
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  • 14
    bubblybabeee NTA. It's reasonable to expect some compromise, especially since your brother initially objected to the same issue-three hours each way is a lot to ask without considering your health or offering alternatives.
    via happy_angry_octopus

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christmas family drama aita brother sibling rivalry siblings reddit story etiquette family reddit thread
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