Woman Cancels Her Wedding After Discovering Overbearing Mother Has Been Planning Everything Behind Her Back, Mother Refuses to Adhere to Daughter’s Wishes

Author image for Shelly Pearl
Shelly Pearl
Dec 25, 2024 8:00 PM EST

Weddings can be a highly intensive time for everyone. The stress of planning a wedding doesn't stop at the bride and groom, it blends into the parents as well. But what happens when your parents try to take over more than they should? For this bride-to-be, things took a turn for the worse when her time of bliss turned sour when her overbearing mother wanted to do things her way. Not only that, but she also chose to change the plan every 5 seconds. What's a daughter to do? It's safe to say things got heated, okay we know things got heated but you'll have to read the rest to know what got canceled and what didn't. Will this bride even make it to the altar? 

If only weddings were as simple as picking out a dress, but alas we can't have everything come easy, wedding dresses included. I guess it's true what they say, anything worth having is worth fighting for both in love and in wedding planning. Here's to hoping this bride and mother find some common ground again, I'll toast to that. Won't you?

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  • 01
    She started calming down but kept saying things like maybe she wouldn't attend my wedding, that my fiancé's family was manipulating me, and that no one would love me more than her because she and my dad are my "real" family. After all, we're foreigners.
    via Isabelle Taylor from Pexels / Canva Pro
  • 02
    r/weddingshaming Independent-Cat-4900 my mom keeps making my wedding plans difficult so I kinda.. cancelled whatever that was (idk if it even counts as a wedding)
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 03
    Hi everyone. This is my first time doing something like this, so bear with me. Also, English isn't my first language, so I apologize in advance if I mess up.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 04
    I'm Izzy, I'm 23 years old, and I'm currently planning to get married in early January—in just a few weeks. My fiancé proposed a couple of months ago, and honestly, we weren't stressing too
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 05
    much about wedding planning. Both our families offered to help with the arrangements, and since we're starting fresh—new jobs, moving into a new place—it just
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 06
    felt natural to keep things small. We decided on a simple civil ceremony for now, and then maybe, in a few years, once we've saved up, we could have the big traditional wedding.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 07
    A little background about me: I'm an atheist, but for some reason, I've always dreamed of a church wedding. It might sound strange, but it feels right for me. So, we figured, why not wait until we can really afford the celebration we both envision?
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 08
    Now, here's where things get complicated. My family can be difficult, to say the least. My mom and I don't have the best relationship, and while my dad and I get along well, he tends to side with her no matter what.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 09
    When I explained to my mom that I wanted to keep the wedding small and save for something bigger in the future, she seemed to agree-or so I thought. But without telling me, she went ahead and hired a wedding planner. Imagine my surprise. Then she sent us an
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 10
    insanely expensive budget. Sure, my family could easily afford half of it, but my fiancé's family? Not so much. When I told her his family couldn't contribute that much, she dismissed it, saying it was their son's wedding, and it was
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 11
    special. She kept saying, "You're the bride; you get the final say." But here's the thing: she wasn't giving me the final say. She was making plans behind my back— visiting venues, setting up meetings, and expecting me to just go along with it.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 12
    Fast forward, we finally settled on a compromise. The "main event" would be a small family dinner with about 30 people at a steakhouse on Friday, January 3rd. But of course, my mom being my mom, wasn't satisfied. She started planning a second event at a family-owned property,
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 13
    calling the steakhouse dinner ugly and too informal to invite her friends. To keep the peace, I agreed to have the signing ceremony on December 28th at her chosen venue, a more elegant setting for family and her friends.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 14
    Even with this compromise, the fights didn't stop. Today was no exception. As a foreigner in this country, I need specific documents for the marriage to be legally recognized. I went to the courthouse to file them, but my copies were rejected. My fiancé's dad, who has some connections, kindly offered to help.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 15
    When I called my mom to let her know the most likely date would be Friday, January 3rd—the date my fiancé and I had originally planned-she lost it.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 16
    "Izzy, we agreed the main event would be on Saturday, January 4th, and the signing would be on Friday, January 3rd," she said, clearly upset. I panicked for a second, thinking I'd mixed up the dates. But I've been meticulous about keeping notes of everything she's said to avoid these kinds of issues.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 17
    In the ongoing tension with my mom about the wedding, the situation only got more complicated. On December 20th (today), she sent me a message saying the wedding ceremony should be on Friday, January 3rd at 6 p.m., followed by a family dinner on Saturday. I reminded her that Valentino and I had
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 18
    already made reservations for the Friday dinner, and I explained again that the venue couldn't accommodate us on Saturday because of the number of guests. She had previously agreed that Friday was the best day, but as usual, she seemed to forget what we had discussed.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 19
    When I told her that the reservation was already set for January 3rd, she became upset and defensive, claiming that I wasn't making decisions and that she wasn't being considered. At one point, she said she had exams starting on the 3rd, but just a month earlier, she had
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 20
    confirmed she wouldn't have any that day. The conversation quickly escalated, and I tried to remind her that we had been clear about the dates for months, but it didn't seem to help.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 21
    In the end, it felt like no matter what I said, it wasn't enough. My mom tried to take control of the situation, pushing for her own plans, and I was caught in the middle, trying to balance her demands with what my fiance and I had already planned.
    via u/Independent-Cat-4900
  • 22
    So I got home really upset, and my mom called me asking me to leave my phone at home because "she didn't want me recording the conversation," since she tends to do that with her professors at her university. So I left it.
    via dd
  • 23
    She started yelling at me, saying she wouldn't support me financially anymore, that no one considered her, and that she was paying part of everything. She said that if she wanted, she could talk to my dad and cancel everything. I asked her if she was manipulating me, and she said
    via dd
  • 24
    no. Still, I said, "Well, when Dad gets home, we'll talk and come to an agreement," and she calmed down, went quiet. She started calming down but kept saying things like maybe she wouldn't attend my wedding, that my fiancé's family was
    via ff
  • 25
    manipulating me, and that no one would love me more than her because she and my dad are my "real" family. After all, we're foreigners.
    via dd
  • 26
    It was... horrible. So, when I got to my room, I called my fiancé and asked him, "Can we change the date?" He asked why. He said no, but that we could try. Then I asked, "What if we cancel it?" and he said yes, and asked what I planned to do.
    via dd
  • 27
    I was honest with him. I told him I didn't want the party anymore, that I just wanted us to get married, go somewhere nice to eat, and play all night. I was tired of the stress of the wedding, and that once the money was ours, we could do something better.
    via dd
  • 28
    He happily accepted because he's very introverted, and I know he was doing the whole gathering thing more for me and to celebrate with his family. Still, he said he respected my decision.
    via dd
  • 29
    I told my dad, I asked when was the last time we talked about it, and he said about a month ago. Then I said, "How strange, Mom told me you talked about it yesterday, and that you agreed to change the date," and he got nervous, saying, "Maybe I don't remember."
    via dd
  • 30
    I told him to stop defending her and that I had already decided to cancel the event. I would be happier doing nothing, and once I had the money, I would do what I want. I know he'll tell her, and who knows what will happen tomorrow. I'm really scared, honestly.
    via dd
  • 31
    Update in case they don't approve the other post: Hi everyone, ngl I used Al to explain myselft better cuz I noticed my grammar was not good AT ALL, so, I guess I'm gonna try explain myself better and try not to use it again.
    via dd
  • 32
    JUST AGAIN, english is not my first language so pls bear with me So... I wrote that post yesterday and I didn't expect this much feedback to be honest, and I'm thankful, I felt less alone, and I showed the comments to my fiance and he was surprised by the amount of comments, so, Thank you so much for caring :)
    via dd
  • 33
    so, to make some things clear, yeah, I live with my parents, and yes, I wanna marry before I live with my SO, why? cuz, even tho I'm an atheist, it's rlly hard for me to let go of some things I was taught.
    via dd
  • 34
    And yeah, my relationship with my mother has always been hard, as he is a manipulative evangelist, I'm not against religion in any way, just against the way she uses it. lets say that my mom was the type of person that called me a after finding some pics in my phone of me that I shared with a distance relationship I had years ago, and not only that, she
    via dd
  • 35
    banned me from talking to my brother, dad, touching my dog and got rid of my room's and bathroom's door, I was grounded for literally 6 months of that, and... no phone, no tv, no talking to my family, and gave me a christian book to pass the time (also at the time my brother was just a teenager so I was the one that cleaned the house, cooked
    via dd
  • 36
    and etc cuz both of my parents work) (my father has always been kinda ok with her choices so I prefer not to talk about him rn) And I know this has nothing to do with the current situation, yet, it's an example of things my mom has done.
    via dd
  • 37
    the whole wedding thing reminds me of my 15th birthday, you know, the whole quinceañera stuff, she decided over my dress, the people that was invited (even my bu ies at the time), I didn't even eat that day cuz I needed to look good and say hi TO EVERYBODY, and I know my mom wanted this cuz I've always felt as if she sees me as some... idk, reflection of the life she wanted (???? that's my guess tho, IDK IDK
    via dd
  • 38
    so, Today was no easier, I went to my fiances house to avoid my parents and have time for myself, yet, my father entered my room in the morning and tecnically told me that we could try doing the thing (and I already decided that I'm not doing sh), so he told me "let's do it at our place the day before, and then do the main thing the day we planned", of
    via dd
  • 39
    course I was tired, my face was swollen cuz I'd cried the whole night before, so I told him that we could have thought of that yesterday, and I could have tried to talk about that with my fiance.
    via dd
  • 40
    But yesterday's thing was my last straw tbh, then A few hours later my mom came in my room and told me the same thing, she was rlly... idk, shy about it? she didn't seem like my mom idk she was too nice, yet I told her the same thing, adding that "it would be better if we didn't have to worry anymore about that", and she
    via dd
  • 41
    was... weird (? she seemed mad, but i could tell she didn't want to argue with me, so she stopped talking and started complaining about how I never try to talk with her and share my opinions, that If only we talked more, she would know me more and have more accurate ideas about what I wanted.
    via dd
  • 42
    then my fiance came to pick me up, and went to his house, at this point I showed him my post and he was rlly invested in the comments, and showed me some of them (seriously guys, thank you so much again for the feedback)
    via dd
  • 43
    few hours passed and my mom called, I put her on speaker and I was kinda funny (and sad to me at least) cuz she sent an apology over the phone but I ignored it, and when she called me she said:
    via dd
  • 44
    "I'm so sorry about how I acted yesterday... I guess" (my fiance at this point was like wth) "I know I didn't act ok... I think" (again wth) "I want you to be happy...." and she started trying to convince me again about doing the reunion, yet I denied again, and idk.
    via ddd
  • 45
    the a few hours later she called again telling me that she bought stuff for our house, like pans, and stuff, idk how to call those things but mostly kitchen Items, and I thanked her, and idk, I'm rlly mad cuz usually when my mom or dad know that they did us wrong they buy us stuff or get us something, or give us a hug. so, even tho I
    via dd
  • 46
    was thankful I was hurt cuz I know my mom things maybe after the things she bought I'll feel obligated to keep the initial plans, but I won't.
    via dd
  • 47
    luukzs666999 I would have told my mom to kindly fk Off after only the first incident.. why are people such pushovers...
    via u/luukzs666999
  • 48
    According_Basis... Girl, cut that mom off, cause , she's horrible. hot
    via u/According_Basis_4721

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