Stepdad tells 15-year-old stepson that if he doesn't let him adopt him, he'll be the reason he gets divorced from his mother: 'He said he's tired of being dismissed as a dad, and if I don't accept him, then he's done'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Dec 27, 2024 6:00 PM EST

I've heard a lot of adoptees on TikTok talking about how adoption is an inherently traumatic process, and I definitely think there's something to that argument. Separation from your biological parents, whether it was ultimately for the best or not, can have devastating and lifelong effects. These vocal adoptees come up against a lot of people who criticize that position, saying that they should be grateful that they were adopted at all and didn't spend their whole childhoods in foster care. But people who get indignant about adoptees' supposed ungratefulness are rarely adoptees themselves, nor do they prioritize the well-being of the adopted child over the desires of the adoptive parent. The stepdad in this story is one of those people who thinks his stepson should be grateful for the fact that he raised him after his dad passed away and should let him adopt him to satisfy his unfulfilled parental desires.

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    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for making Christmas awkward when I said I didn't care if my mom ended up divorced?
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    My dad did when my mom was pregnant with me (15M). My brother was 6 when dad did and always talked about him and told me stories about him. He was really affected by dad's death and kept him alive for me in a way. I can't really describe it but some of my favorite memories of my brother telling me bedtime stories that were just stories about dad instead of stories from
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    books or made up stuff. He only had five he knew from living them but they were the best and he told me stories he got from dad's family too, just way less frequently since they weren't his lived stories. This stuff made me feel like I still had a dad even though I didn't have one with me.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    When I was 6 mom met my stepdad and married him after 5 months of dating. He wanted a really fast family and wanted to adopt me and my brother but my brother hated him for expecting it. They had a fight when it was mentioned because our stepdad said he'd be the man of the house and our family so it only
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    made sense and my brother told him he was a stranger. We only knew him for 3 months when this was happening so my brother wasn't wrong. It offended our stepdad though. I wasn't okay with it either and that pred him off more.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    He brought it up a bunch of times the first year and then like 5 times a year after that. My brother told him he'd rather be de d than let him be his dad. I said no but I tried to not be a j about it but I didn't want it and got kind of annoyed by being asked so much. I said that too but I was told it was something he'd
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    keep asking because he felt he deserved it, my mom wanted him to have what he wanted and they didn't think it was fair for me to say no when I didn't ever know my dad or have a relationship with him. My mom gave my brother a really hard time for being the cause of it and my stepdad told me I should want a dad at my age and he said that when I was a lot of ages.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    Yesterday things got awkward and it's made today awkward too. We're not even that far into today. But my mom and stepdad sat me down and he told me again he wanted to adopt me. Before I could say no again he told me he's tired of not having kids of his own, he can't have any, and he wants someone to pass on his family name and he wants that to be me since he raised me
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    as his own. He said he's tired of being dismissed as a dad and if I don't accept him then he's done and he'll either divorce mom or he's ignoring me and my brother forever. My mom told me I need to help her not get divorced and do I want that for her. I said I don't care and I don't want to be adopted and I'm not giving in because of their marriage.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    They didn't like my answer and now my mom's family are frustrated I made things so awkward because we're all together and it's bad. I'll probably hide out in my bedroom for the rest of the day because it's intense downstairs. AITA?
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    mikoline971 NTA. You are absolutely not responsible for your mother's marriage. The foundations of their marriages have absolutely nothing to do with whether they adopt you or not. She seems to be manipulative
    via u/mikoline971
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    PrideofCapetown • 1d ago 100% this. • And OP did NOT make Christmas awkward. His mom and her husband ruined Christmas with their emotional blackmail. They're massive ah_les and so are the relatives trying to blame OP
    via u/PrideofCapetown
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    New-Number-7810 The relatives from mom's side of the family only care about the mom.
    via u/New-Number-7810
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    TaliaTide It's frustrating how family often jumps to blame the kid instead of holding the adults accountable. OP deserves support, not guilt for their choices. This is a huge burden for such a young person.
    via u/TaliaTide
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    lovebeinganasshole Your mom is gross. She basically sold you and your brother as some kind of wedding dowery. Only you two aren't playing the gross game. It's your mom and her husband's fault for treating you two like dolls on a shelf to be bought and traded instead of living human beings with thoughts and ideas. NTA.
    via u/lovebeinganasshole
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    Apprehensive_War9612 This!!! it really sounds like this man married her because she had sons and he has some weird patriarchical desire to be the man of the house and pass on his lineage. And they're mad that her children are not playing along with their game. He needs to get over himself if he truly wanted to have children, they could've adopted at any point in time. They could've tried IUI. Or IVF. Clearly he doesn't need biological children to fill that desire. He could've gotten children oth
    via u/Apprehensive_War9612
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    Construction No9678 I am glad people like this don't adopt kids, tbh. It sounds like if an adopted kid expressed any love for their birth family or a desire to find them, he would be even worse. He isn't entitled to any kid viewing him as a parent no matter what it says on paper.
    via u/ConstructionNo9678
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    xqueenrosy Honestly, I think you're allowed to have your own feelings about this, and it's super unfair for them to pressure you into something that doesn't feel right. Your dad's memory is important to you, and your stepdad should respect that. Don't let them guilt you into something you're not ready for. Your feelings matter too, even if it's uncomfortable for everyone else.
    via u/xqueenrosy
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    preciousrosexoxo You're not the a_h_le at all. Forcing someone to erase their real dad just to make someone else feel better is super manipulative. Your feelings are valid, and it's not your job to fix their marriage. Stay strong.
    via u/preciousrosexoxo
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    New-Number-7810 NTA. Your mother failed as a mother. She brought someone you barely knew into your home, and took his side when he tried pressuring you and your brother into something neither of you wanted. A mother is supposed to stand up for her kids. Your mother is not doing that.
    via u/New-Number-7810
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    Hefty_Monk288 OP She never did even though my brother begged her before. But it just made them fight.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    writing_mm_romance It's disgusting that they're putting the fate of their marriage on your shoulders. I'd reach out to your brother or another adult to see if there is a way you can leave.
    via u/writing_mm_romance
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    Hefty_Monk288 OP My brother knows about it all but he can't take me. Mom would fight it and she would win because my brother's my brother and not my second parent. He looked into whether I could live with him a year ago and he was told even if I wanted it we wouldn't have a chance when I have a living parent.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288
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    writing_mm_romance Maybe look at the age you can fight for emancipation. In many areas that age is 16.
    via u/writing_mm_romance
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    OmegaPointMG Your mom's literally endangering you guys and your step-dad is overstepping a LOT. Surprised nobody is on your side.
    via u/OmegaPointMG
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    Hefty_Monk288 OP My dad's side and my brother are. Mom's side don't want him to leave her and put it on me and my brother if their marriage goes south.
    via u/Hefty_Monk288

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parents of teens teens family drama teenager brother teenagers parenting family stepdad mom Parenting Fail son stepson brothers Parenting FAILS dad parent
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