28-year-old sister refuses to bankroll $5000+ for her brother's wedding after he exposes her secret relationship on social media: ‘I begged him to keep quiet [until] we were ready’

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Dec 31, 2024 10:00 AM EST

Siblings keep each other's secrets–It's the law of brotherhood and sisterhood. But this older brother was childishly peeved when his sister kept him in the dark about a big juicy secret, and because of his lament, he outed her biggest secret on social media. 

We're supposed to look out for our family, but when a family member crosses the line and loses our trust, it's tough to rebuild confidence. When u/No_Associate_1438 started dating her brother's best man, she knew it would cause a stink in the family social group. Since the relationship was still in its early stages and because she didn't want to upstage her brother's upcoming wedding, they decided to keep their budding romance a secret until they were ready to take the next step. But when her brother found out he was being kept in the dark about their secret relationship, he lashed out by spilling the beans. 

Read on for all of the details of this sibling feud born n' bred out of secrecy, backstabbing, and broken loyalties. 

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    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Am I the Jerk for Refusing to Pay for My Brother's Wedding After He Exposed My Secret Relationship? Story: This happened two months ago, and my family is still split over it.
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    For context, I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my brother, "Jake," is 30. Jake recently got engaged to his long-term girlfriend, "Laura." They've been planning a big wedding for next spring, and since I have a higher-paying job, I offered
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    to help cover some of the costs, including the venue deposit, which was a hefty $5,000. Here's the thing: for the past year, I've been in a relationship with one of Jake's best friends, "Tom." We
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    kept it secret because we didn't want to cause any drama in the family or the friend group until we were sure about our relationship. Last month, during a family barbecue, Jake noticed that Tom and I were being a little too friendly.
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    He pulled me aside and started interrogating me. I admitted we were dating but begged him to keep it quiet, as Tom and I planned to tell everyone when we were ready. Jake seemed annoyed but said he'd keep it to himself.
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    Fast forward two days, and Jake decided to tell EVERYONE. He made a big post on social media about it, complete with a snarky caption: "Looks like my best man has been busy. Congrats to Tom and my sister for keeping us all in the dark!"
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    This caused chaos. My parents were furious that I hadn't told them, Laura was upset because she felt like it took attention away from their wedding, and even some of Jake's friends started giving Tom grief. Tom was mortified, and I was humiliated.
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    When I confronted Jake, he just laughed it off and said he was "helping us rip the Band-Aid off." I told him he had no right to share our personal business and that he'd made things ten times harder for us. He shrugged and said, "Well, maybe you shouldn't have kept secrets."
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    That's when I decided I was done. I told Jake I was pulling my financial support for the wedding. He thought I was bluffing until I called the venue and canceled my payment. Now, Jake and Laura are scrambling to come up with the money, and my parents are furious with me for "ruining the wedding."
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    Jake insists I'm being petty and that I'm punishing him for "telling the truth." But I feel like he crossed a line by exposing something that wasn't his to share. My parents think I should still help because "family is family," but I don't see why I should. So, am I the jerk for refusing to pay for the wedding?
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    Previous-Charity6155 Not the Jerk. There's a saying, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you."
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    bubbleteabob NTA, but why does everyone in your circle care? Like, I could see noses being out of joint a bit at being kept in the dark (especially parents and/or if you lied at times) but 'caused chaos' sounds like
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    these people are way too enmeshed in what you are up to. Sans a horrific rap sheet in Tom's background or something they all need to take a good look at themselves and realize they need a hobby.
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    juweps NTJ. The family is family that's BS. Sometimes family causes you the biggest heartache. And since JAKE and Lara can't afford the venue, they need to downsize their wedding. And
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    Laura can thank JAKE for trying to stroke his ego and having a big mouth. And tell your parents since they want to your brother's wedding to go ahead as planned, they can come out of their pockets and pay for it. And reinforced to take your brother that actions have consequences
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    Healthy Brain5354 Laura is mad that the attention was pulled from her wedding, and that's your fault not the fault of the person who made the attention seeking post, her literal fiancé? Looool do not give these idiots a dime
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    Princess-Perky. Plus it's a couple of months since they got engaged, the wedding won't be for at least a year and it's OP's brother who chose to discuss someone else's personal life in terms relating to his wedding party. Is everyone's life supposed to be in stasis until after Jake and Laura's wedding?!
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    Any Substance 7346 You clearly asked him to keep it to himself and informed him that you and your partner would inform everyone on your own time. He was being petty with outing yall especially with the snarky comment. I don't think you're being a jerk. You didn't have his support and I don't think he deserves yours.
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    irishstorm04 This!! He didn't respect her wishes, or the wishes of his best man bc he is a big man baby. And he caused so much angst and unhappiness! Who does that? why should she respect the wishes of Jake and Laura and help them? NTJ. He deserves a slap of reality for his actions, and your parents need to see both sides.
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    Ok Resource 8530 Be sure to tell your parents and especially, Laura, that you asked brother to keep his mouth shut for the time being. That you had every intention of telling people at the right time as to NOT overshadow the wedding. He deserves everything he gets.
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