Exhausted new father 'abandons' wife and newborn child after emergency c-section, wife takes it personally in heightened emotional state

Welcome, web-surfin' sisters. Did you know that driving while sleep deprived can be just as dangerous as drinking and driving? Indeed, drowsiness slows reaction time and obliterates alertness. Anyone that has pulled an all-nighter writing final essays in university knows that sleep deprivation can also be accompanied by heightened anxiety, mild visual and audio hallucinations, as well as poor memory — none of which are conducive to having any sort of responsibility. Any jobs that involve operating heavy machinery require their workers to get a full night's rest; I once even had a flight cancelled because the crew did not get the minimum hours of sleep before take off.

In our story today, a dedicated husband promises his wife he will be by her side throughout the birth of their child. All goes well until the newborn is taken for examination due to health issues, extending their stay in the hospital. Without a bed to rest in, our protagonist makes the call to leave his wife to get enough sleep in order to be as useful and helpful as possible. Get all the details down below.

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01
    "My argument is that I can't physically stay awake all night and day. Although I'd agreed to stay all night with her. before admission, I thought at least I'd be able to lie down."
    via pixelshot
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  • 02
    AITA for not staying with my wife after her C-section?
    via u/tincrumb
  • 03
    My wife was admitted to hospital for an induction of our second child. She had a rough time during her first pregnancy, as it was during Lockdown (UK). I was not allowed to stay during this time, so she asked that I stay each night with her during this pregnancy. She gets quite anxious and wanted me there for support during the night, as she didn't feel comfortable asking the night staff.
    via u/tincrumb

    She wasn't able to have her husband with her the first time for emotional support, so it makes sense that she is anxious to keep him by her side during round two.

  • 04
    We came to the hospital 2am on Sunday Morning, where she was put on a ward and started on hormones. The Labour wasn't progressing very quickly so she told me to go home around 9am as she'd need me when the baby came. I came back in the evening and she told me to go home and rest
    via u/tincrumb
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  • 05
    around Midnight. I came up early Monday morning and spent the day with her and went home around 5 to spend time with our daughter (staying with my parents). I got a call at 1am Tuesday from her. She thought she was in labour but didn't think the staff were taking her seriously.
    via u/tincrumb
  • 06
    I rushed up to the ward, baby was born 3 hours later via an emergency c-section. We were moved around a fair bit until we were settled in a ward around 4pm on Tuesday. Both extremely tired (her obviously much more) but we managed a few hours as they had a little sofa | could lay down on. I got up throughout the night to help with baby so she could rest.
    via u/tincrumb

    He sounds like a stand-up dad so far.

  • 07
    Wednesday we had a nap during the day, but I stayed all day. This is where the question arose. The baby was noted to have a health problem and so has been taken for further tests. I took the baby as my wife had trouble walking during the pregnancy due to pelvic pain. This has continued and so she is in a lot of pain quite often, combined with the surgery.
    via u/tincrumb
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  • 08
    They needed to move us to another ward to observe the baby, but this ward does not have a pull out bed for partners. I have lower back pain so I've carried a cushion around to alleviate it whilst she's been in hospital. It doesn't do much but it means I can sit in the chairs for a bit rather than needing to lie down. I've told me wife that I couldn't stay as I wouldn't be able to sit in the chair all night with no sleep. She expected me to stay the night and continue to help her out during the d
    via u/tincrumb

    So, she was totally alone. She spent the night without her baby, probably spiraling in her head about everything that could go wrong. On the other hand, her husband would probably be of little use or comfort sleep-deprived. 

  • 09
    wouldn't be able to sleep at all and sitting in the chair would just further screw up my back. Then I'd be of no use the next day eithout sleep and with back pain. I set everything up for my wife to make it easier for her during the night. I spoke to the staff and told them how anxious she is and that she'd need extra help and told my wife to ask for help when she needed it. I left at 12am and came back when the doors opened next morning. I've been taking over during the day and letting her rest
    via u/tincrumb
  • 10
    My argument is that I can't physically stay awake all night and all day. Although I'd agreed to stay all night with her before admission, I thought at least I'd be able to lie down. AITA? ۵ 6,229 1,871 D ☑☑
    via u/tincrumb

    On top of everything, he has back pain so severe that he has to carry around a special pillow. 

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  • 11
    heggy48 NAH. And I've been the wife post c-section. Our kid got re-admitted when she was three days old and I had to stay with her, attempting to feed her, pump and give her a bottle every hour. It was the worst night of my life but my husband was de d on his feet. He needed to get some actual sleep so he could help us the next day. He needed enough rest to safely drive us home again.
    via u/heggy48

    Drowsy driving is just as dangerous as drinking and driving. Good call!

  • 12
    It's an awful situation but you're not an AH. I can't honestly call your wife an AH either - I have some PTSD from that night and would never want to do it again. The two of you are against the rubbish situation together and not against each other.
    via u/heggy48
  • 13
    Butterbean-queen Hormones are also involved. I went from being as sweet as pie during my pregnancy to a raging b to my husband after my C-section. I was well aware of it too but couldn't stop. I even talked to my doctor and asked why was I suddenly so mean and emotional while crying my eyes out. So while she may rationally understand what's best she might not even know why she's feeling that way.
    via u/Butterbean-queen
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  • 14
    ilanallama85 Also been there, emergency c-section, baby admitted to nicu, it was awful. My room did have a pull-out so that wasn't as issue, but it was the worst few days of both our lives. NAH, it's just awful and I'm sorry for you all.
    via u/ilanallama85

    Every emergency room should have a pull-out or chaise lounge. 

  • 15
    ajbates11 Not going to call anyone an a hle. But having been solo in the hospital after a c-section even getting a bed I got no more then 15 minutes of sleep in the 2 days I was there. And not being able to get out of bed unassisted or easily to even change the baby when they had a dirty diaper really really sucked.
    via u/ajbates11
  • 16
    But I knew that going in as this was the plan. My husband had to be home with our son at night as he is autistic and would already be upset without me home and he needed a parent there when he woke up and went to bed at least.
    via u/ajbates11
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  • 17
    III-Novel5199 NAH, there's a reason why on planes they instruct you to put on your oxygen mask first and then help your child. If you are not safe/well/rested you cannot take of anyone properly. Given that your wife was in the hospital and had nursing staff and doctors she could call for assistance if needed, it was ok for you to ensure you were well rested to support her during the day. However once your wife comes back home, you will need to ensure you can support her 24x7.
    via u/III-Novel5199
  • 18
    sootfire I learned in a first responder class ages ago "don't create more patients." Whenever I'm taking care of someone I remind myself to eat and drink and sleep enough so that I don't wind up passing out or something and becoming another patient.
    via u/sootfire

    Totally. It wouldn't have been much use if our protagonist found himself hanging with his wife at the hospital as a patient himself.

  • 19
    Teapur NAH. I bet you're gonna be roasted by people telling you "YTA s k it up, your wife has it worse!" And I'm gonna say that yes, of course the wife has it worse. But the doesn't make it a race to the bottom to see who can suffer more. You gotta sleep. You gotta be vaguely functional, you've got another child at home. that needs you- you can only spread yourself so thin.
    via u/Teapur
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  • 20
    OP there are doctors and nurses that will attend to your wife in the night. You'll be way more useful in the situation with some sleep.
    via u/Teapur
  • 21
    ConsistentCheesecake The hospital is the a h le for moving you from the ward where you had a pullout sofa thing to one where you didn't. Your wife shouldn't be alone with the baby after a C section, there's no way the nurses were actually helping her as much as she needed. She's scared and vulnerable and definitely not the a hle here. I do think that with everything she's been through, you need to do everything you can to help her going forward.
    via u/ConsistentCheesecake

    They're both in heightened emotional states. He can totally prove his dedication in the coming months (and years)!

  • 22
    Banjo Deluxe The hospital is the only AH here for not having cots for partners/parents/support people. This is universal practice in both labor/postpartum and pediatric units where I come from. As for you and your wife, NAH.
    via u/BanjoDeluxe

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