Man rents spare room to divorcing mother-in-law, gets offended when she haggles $1400 for new carpet down to $400 after she moves out: 'I agreed and figured we were done'

Many people find in-law relationships some of the most difficult dynamics that they ever have to navigate. Of course, some luck out with their partner's parents and have no problem playing happy families, but even these situations can be disturbed by drama and petty arguments if they aren't careful. There are a lot of things that can go wrong, no matter how happy a couple is with their actual marriage.

This is especially true for those who find themselves living with their in-laws. It is a lot easier to maintain a civil relationship with a family member you might have issues with when you only have to see them occasionally, but there is no option for that when you live under the same roof. It can become even more complicated when there is money involved, or other personal circumstances that might create extra strain on everybody who is involved in the situation.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • One man was left reeling after he agreed to rent the spare bedroom to his wife's mom while she was separating from her husband and preparing to divorce. She paid $500 a month for one year, then $600 for another before she moved out. 

    At the same time, her son-in-law and daughter had been planning on replacing the flooring in many rooms of their house. They decided they wanted her to contribute to this financially even when she had moved elsewhere, reasoning that she had worked from home and kept her dog with her. 

    After much negotiation, the mom haggled down the price she was willing to pay toward a new carpet in her old room, but the son-in-law felt like she had wriggled out of her proper financial responsibility and felt that she held it against him. It led him to question if he was in the wrong.

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    AITA for expecting my mother in law to pay for new carpet?

    My mother in law (wife's mom) initiated a divorce from her 2nd husband late in 2022. NC law requires couples to live separately for a year before divorce proceedings can occur. She asked to move into our house, which gave her our bonus room. This room is a 12x24 room, with carpet, a closet, full bathroom for herself attached to the room. She moved into our house on 12/31/22 and began paying rent ($500 per month for the first year, then she volunteered an extra $100 per month for the 2nd year to
    Via WhatColeSays
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    My wife and I knew we needed our flooring downstairs replaced, and we wanted to go ahead and do our stairs, main hallway, primary bedroom. The bonus room we had decided to also get done, since the carpet had been lived on 24/7 for 2 years. My mother in law worked from home so she essentially spent her time in that room working, relaxing, or sleeping. She also had a dog with her.
    Via WhatColeSays
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    We felt it wasn't right to charge her the cost of the upgraded flooring we wanted, so we asked the flooring estimator to send us a separate price for similar carpet in the bonus room so that we could present that price to her. We were told the LVP option was $2500, the carpet option was $1400. We advised her of the $1400 in November, and told her it wasn't expected up front, nor would we ask for it after she closed on her new home. We were willing to work with her on it.
    Via WhatColeSays
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    Flash forward a month and she's moved out, and she asks to speak with us about the carpet payment. She isn't sure why she's being asked to pay $1400 when she thought it was our plan all along to change the flooring anyways. Mind you, this carpet was new and used as a toddler playroom for about an hour each day prior to her arrival. She and I decided to agree to reduce it to $500 because she felt she should have been able to at least get the carpets cleaned, which would have cost $500. We denied
    Via WhatColeSays
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    Next, my wife finds out about this agreement and immediately calls her mom to discuss in frustration. Her mom decides to "oblige" to $1400 but then begins to say how she incurred extra costs from her car repairs because I wasn't able to fix her car, and that it should cover her $1400. She also mentioned that her extra $100 per month should have covered the cost as well, even though that was never agreed upon.
    Via WhatColeSays
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    Of course, since this all happened right before the holidays, we just agreed to accept $400. We've seen eachother a few times without issue, but there's still some bitterness, especially with the comments about how she now had to pay a bigger sum of money for her car repairs. AITA?
    Via WhatColeSays
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    Despite the man's indignation, other people didn't approve of how he and his wife had acted towards their close relative.

    tinyd71 I must be missing something here! Your MIL moved in with you and paid you rent. And you also want her to cover the cost of replacing the carpet in the room she occupied? Why would your MIL be responsible for the cost of replacing carpet that you (the homeowners) want to replace? Is she benefiting somehow from the new flooring? You've treated her as a tenant (she paid rent), and if you'd wanted her to address the flooring, you could have asked her (ahead of time) to cover the cost of carp
    Via tinyd71
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    weepingreading I agree with this. OP - you were essentially MIL's "landlord" here. Landlords charge rent. Yall decided the rent was $500 (I'm going to assume this is below market for your area and a family rate, but it doesn't matter). You can't charge her for normal wear and tear. It sounds like she didn't destroy the carpet, she just lived in the room. It's a major ah le move to basically try to get her to subsidize future home renovations by paying for new carpet. YTA
    Via weepingreading
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    Western-Radish At the most with a dog, you might expect the tenant to pay for the carpet to be professionally cleaned. If the dog ruined the carpet that might be something... but you would still only be able to charge the replacement cost of the carpet... or if the flooring is cheaper (doubt it) And OP didn't say the carpet was ruined by the dog
    Via Western-Radish
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    Feeling-Visit1472 And again, they're replacing it anyway, not because it was damaged!
    Via Feeling-Visit1472
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    briomio Additionally, most people don't find it necessary to replace two year old carpeting. I find it hard to believe that one lone woman put so much wear and tear on it that it needs replacing. Agree with above poster that you are nickling and diming your MIL to pay for something that you were going to do anyway.
    Via briomio
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    These-Coat-3164 I completely agree...and I also agree when you say there must be more that's missing... I'm wondering about these vague references to car repairs? Did OP try to fix the MIL's car and make it worse, thus costing MIL more for repairs? I'm a bit curious about how the car repairs figure into all of this. I'm wondering if OP and his MIL got into some kind of an argument because he tried to fix her car and made it worse, and now he's getting back at her with the carpet?
    Via These-Coat-3164
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    bluesnowdrops ΥΤΑ From your text it doesn't sound like she did anything to the carpet besides living in the room - as in usual wear and tear. While yes, having someone live in a room with carpet for months and months will most likely kill the carpet, that is on you for having it in there. You agreed to her staying. She paid rent. She even covered additional costs when they increased for you. You wanted to replace your entire flooring anyway so.. I don't think she, as a previous tenant, should be
    Via bluesnowdrops
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    3kids_nomoney Reading it, I think MIL has come into money from the divorce and he's trying to get some to line his pocket.
    Via 3kids_nomoney
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    Where WeretheAdults YTA. Rent covers normal wear and tear. Security deposit covers exceptional damage outside of normal. She was in the space for two years as a renter. Since this is now a business transaction to you, the litmus test is whether or not your claim would hold up in small claims court. I don't think you have anything to stand on unless you could demonstrate that MIL willfully damaged the carpet. (Not a legal professional)
    Via WhereWereTheAdults
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    volcanicpale ΥΤΑ I thought this was going to be a post about your MIL having raucous red wine parties in her room on new carpet. She rented a room for $600 and after normal wear and tear you expect her to pay the full amount of the carpet you were already planning to replace? Make it make sense! What a way to ruin a relationship, hope it's worth it!
    Via volcanicpale
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    HappeeHousewives82 I'm just caught up on the fact she went through a divorce and they charged her rent. I can't imagine charging either of our parents rent while they got on their feet.
    Via HappeeHousewives82
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    DeterminedArrow Honestly seems like they could have just used the rent money toward it
    Via DeterminedArrow
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    Awkward-Tourist979 ΥΤΑ You and your wife sound like awful opportunists that are after everything you can get.
    Via Awkward-Tourist979
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    Anita Taco Two YTA. You're already replacing the flooring. If she didn't damage the existing carpet at all, she doesn't need to pay for your upgrade. Plus, she was ready to help clean the carpet but YOU wouldn't let her. That's on you. Spend your own money.
    Via AnitaTacoTwo
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    apothekryptic YTA! Give your head a shake. You entered into a landlord-tenant situation with MIL. Repeat after me: Regular wear-and-tear is the responsibility of the landlord. Say it again. REGULAR WEAR AND TEAR IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE LANDLORD. The absolute most you could have asked is for her to have the carpets cleaned. If you didn't want the room lived in, you shouldn't have rented it out. If the dog was going to be a problem, you should have collected a non-refundable pet deposit prior
    Via apothekryptic
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    New_Carrot_2633 The MIL wanted to have the carpets cleaned and OP wouldn't allow it. OP, you and your wife YTA.
    Via New_Carrot_2633

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