Mom saves her 5-year-old son's birthday after everyone no-shows, accepting a friend's kind offer to take the family to Disneyland only to be thwarted by her pride-stricken husband: ‘He hates handouts’

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  • "AITA for letting other people take my kids and I to Disney when I knew my husband was not ok with it?"

    I (25f) have a husband Cory (28m) and we have a son Grady (6m) and a daughter Nina (5f). We are not by any means a wealthy family but we do alright. We don't worry about being able to have food or lose our apartment but we rarely get extras like new toys or eating out. Whenever we go out with
  • other people he never lets them pay and insists on paying for them, even if they have a lot more money than us. Other times when my parents have offered to do small things for us or when they got us anything he deemed "too much" he would not let us except
  • it. He hates the idea of us having any handouts at all and gets very upset about. We've argued a few times about it but since he clearly cares about it I tend to just go with it. Now last week was Grady's fifth birthday. We typically do a family
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  • thing on his real birthday and do a party with his friends another day but this year Cory wasn't able to get work off on that day so we decided to have the party on his real birthday. He wanted to invite everyone in his class of 23 kids and I thought that was a great. He
  • was super excited and worked hard to help plan and set up the party. About an hour into the party no one had come and Grady was very upset. Then someone finally did come. It was a girl from his class, Simmon, and her parents. I knew who they were and we were on friendly terms but not really friends.
  • Grady was happy someone had come but was still very upset that none of his other friends came. Simmon's parents and I got to talking and since no one else had come they offered for us all to go to Disney World together. We live about an hour away now but had
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  • never been before, and this family goes there quite frequently. They offered to pay for everything. I tried to deny and say it was too much but they insisted that it wouldn't be an issue so I agreed. All of us went and drove to Disney and spent the day there. Everyone
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  • had a really great time and it saved Grady's birthday. When Cory found out later that day he was furious and told me that I was wrong for letting them spend so much on us. He is still mad at me and thinks that I should
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  • let him take on more control of our finances since I have proven to be untrustworthy. I feel really bad for what I did but at the same time I think it was a good call so that Grady would have a nice birthday.
  • Less Resident9495 NTA Your husband's pride is so big that he would rather have his child's birthday be an utter disappointment rather than accept a present? What's wrong with him?
  • Also, do you work or have your own income? It shouldn't be up to him if you accept or not presents from other people (presents are not charity, as it goes both ways, however with his insistence to always pay for others, it seems he's trying to get the upper hand in some sort of man-up game only he's playing.
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  • Disneyland4Ever NTA. Your husband's behavior around money and gifts, frankly, is deeply problematic. If anyone should not be in charge of the family finances based on what you've shared, it's him. Being completely unwilling to accept heartfelt gifts is not inherently a good
  • character trait, nor does it mean the person refusing is more financially responsible. The fact that he also insists on paying for others when you take them out, regardless of financial situation, just nope.
  • Your son's classmate and their family gave your son a generous and epic birthday present. One that it sounds like everyone enjoyed. Your husband needs to learn that people do, in fact, give gifts purely out of love or generosity in a lot of cases and not to show dominance or superiority,
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  • as it appears he believes it shows. People giving your gifts isn't them looking down on him or your financial situation. Your husband needs to learn to be less prideful and more humble.

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