29-year-old has a falling out with pregnant maid-of-honor over the scheduling of her baby shower: 'That's the only weekend I can do it'

Author image for Ben Weiss
Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jan 18, 2025 8:00 AM EST

The older we get, the more impatient and inflexible we are with our closest friends. This becomes especially apparent during the planning of big life events. 

As someone who has been known to put his own needs second while participating in the weddings and baby showers of friends and family, I understand the challenge of balancing numerous commitments within a confined period of time. If there is one thing I learned from the year I attended seven weddings—all of which involved important people in my life—it's that one has to know one's limits while respecting the needs of others. Furthermore, while it's important to give your friends their flowers during their significant life events, it's equally necessary to remind them that the world does not revolve around them and that there is never an excuse to act out of pure selfishness. 

Keep scrolling below for this story about a soon-to-be-bride and her maid-of-honor's recent conflict.

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    BABY SHOWER
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This soon-to-be bride recently learned that her maid-of-honor was pregnant. One would think this would be exciting news, and at first, it was… until the preparation for all the event planning began. 

    The maid-of-honor proved to be inflexible about planning her baby shower, especially after she had been cooperative with her best friend and the planning of her wedding over the past year. The problem was that the maid-of-honor was willing to jump hoops around her husband's family and their other mutual friend, but she showed zero willingness to consider the bride's schedule. 

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    My Maid of Honor (29F) found out she's pregnant and due in August. I (29F) live a plane ride away from her. We've been friends for 15 years.
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    Today my MOH mentioned planning a baby shower in a group chat with me and our other friend, we can call him Ben (29M).
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    She asked Ben, who is local to her, "How can I make sure you can attend the baby shower?" He has a demanding job. I have a salary job and it's easy to get time off.
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    MOH shared she wanted to have her baby shower on a specific long weekend between my wedding (In April) and her due date.
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    I said "I'm so sorry, that's [other friend, let's call her Sue]'s wedding."
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    MOH said "woof, well I think that's the only weekend I can do it."
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    Not only is it Sue's wedding but I was also planning on going to an event in the wedding's area with another friend, Daisy, who was planning to fly there for the event.
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    I have no other plans the remaining weekends. I said "I'd really hate to have to be an a hole and cancel on two people, I'd really appreciate if you did not put me in that position."
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    Perhaps my wording was disrespectful there. My MOH shared that she did not understand why I have an issue cancelling on Daisy, but Sue's wedding she can understand. I
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    explained that if it came down to ks it, I would cancel both of them for her baby shower, but it just s to be in this position.
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    She made several comments such as "my baby shower doesn't revolve around your schedule" and "Yeah I get being upset about cancelling things, I have to
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    cancel and change things for the next 18 years." I chose to ignore these comments as she has shared she is hormonal and wants people to go easy on her.
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    I asked her to speak to her husband's family about their schedule and let me know to try to de-escalate. She said she didn't understand why I was getting upset at her and I "didn't
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    understand where she was coming from." Where she is coming from is that she is guessing this weekend is the only weekend her husband's family is available, and the weather around that time would likely be ideal.
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    That's when I snapped a bit and pointed out that I was ignoring her ride comments and just wanted to work with her because I love her but she doesn't seem to see that effort and asked her to "stop attacking me."
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    From there we did manage to de- escalate, but I still feel hurt that she was not willing to reconsider her plans for me, but had no problem asking Ben about how to make sure he can come. I also
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    feel upset that she doesn't find it significant that I am being expected to cancel plans with multiple people that involve travel. Her opinion is I should
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    have little problem cancelling these other things for her baby shower. I love her, I will, but it still S ks.
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    78F3
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my MOH to stop attacking me after I told her it'd sk to cancel two large life plans for her baby shower.
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    EDIT: This baby shower is NOT scheduled or confirmed with any of her family. She was throwing out a possible weekend and I shared I was busy. To clarify, if this date was SET and she told me "this is when it is, it is scheduled" I would not have given her any grief at all.
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    EDIT2: some commenters have expressed opinion changes with this detail. We have the kind of friendship where I am 100% expected to attend this baby shower, which she considers a major life event. I am wondering if
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    I am the a hole for not wanting to cancel on my other commitments or if she is the ahle for expecting me to cancel these and not being very willing to choose a date I am free, despite completely expecting my presence.
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    UPDATE: I spoke with my MOH today and we have resolved this conflict. We had a communication breakdown. She does expect me to be there but understands I have commitments. She chose another weekend.
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  • Several members of the online community contributed their feedback as to who was in the wrong here. Some felt that the bride wasn't willing to see from the maid-of-honor's perspective, while others felt the exact opposite. One has to wonder if both parties were acting out of selfishness and competitiveness because of their big life events within the same year. 

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    Safe_Draft_1330 • 10h ago . Sorry but you plan to cancel going to your friends wedding to go to this friend's baby shower? I mean really? You have your priorities wrong. A wedding is more important than a baby shower. Can't believe I had to type that. YTA
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    . PM_Me_Thine_G... 10h ago YTA for putting your decision on your MOH instead of owning it yourself. She wants to have her shower on the one wedding you're unavailable. That S ks and you'd be totally within your rights to tell her you're so sorry, but you're busy with a wedding that weekend. It's unfortunate, but people make commitments.
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    I see you said in another post that you'd pick the baby shower over the alternate plans because this girl is your bestie. Great! I've got people like that too.
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    I think you become the ah le when she says "woof, well I think that's the only weekend I can do it.", and you respond by basically telling her 'well you're *making* me be an a h le to my other friends - I don't want to, but you're forcing my hand'.
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    If you were sure you were going to attend the baby shower no matter what, the correct response there would have been "Oh darn, hmm, okay. Do you think you could let me know asap,
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    cause I'll have a bunch of stuff I have to logistic through. I need to see if I can get some of my money back, and let Sue and Betty know I can't make it." It's informative - it
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    demonstrates that there are other things that need to happen in order for you to attend that weekend, and maybe it would have given her a little nudge to try and find a different date that worked.
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    I think that your decision to attend the baby shower over the wedding is yours alone. It's up to you what you choose to prioritize, and what plans you choose to keep or cancel. It's unfair of you to put that on her. I'd feel bad about that too- almost like you were trying to guilt me into choosing a different weekend. I'd be annoyed too.
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Tags

aita wedding drama friends wedding entitled people karma entitled baby shower entitled people Maid Of Honor
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