Woman breaks off engagement after overhearing fiancé joke about her body, she goes full M.I.A on him and stands her ground on body positivity: “I don’t want to hear his apology”

There's a lot to say about the progressive steps to dismantle tradition made by generations like millennials, Gen z, and beyond. Everyone has their own opinions about marriage, relationships, work-life balance, wages, just to name a few topics that have undergone major changes in the past couple decades. There are pros and cons to everything, but one of the topics that changed culture for the better has to be body positivity. 

For women in generations erst, their physical appearance was (usually) one of the only values they posed to the world. In a world dominated by men, and not necessarily the most egalitarian men, a woman's place was in the kitchen or their bedrooms. Women lived in a world under constant scrutiny about their appearance and their bodies. Skinny used to be the symbol of beauty, but times are changing. Every body shape is being more and more accepted, thus steering away from so much pressure on women that they have to be skinny if they want to be beautiful. We're far from reaching ultimate equality about this, but it's definitely a more body positive world for everyone. 

Author image for Briana Viser Briana Viser
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    AITAH for breaking off my engagement because my fiancé made an offensive joke about me to his friends?

    "I handed him my ring and left”
    via kieferpix from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Buckle up. It's long and I'm sorry about that. I (28F) and my fiancé (32M) have been together for five years. For the sake of anonymity, I'll be referring to him as John. John and I have had a wonderful and loving relationship for these past five years, and I truly saw myself with
    via u/branchbutt
  • 03
    had our ups and downs, but not once has John ever made me feel like I wasn't enough. He's supported me in all of my endeavors and dreams, and our relationship even survived nine months of being long distance as I'd been sent to another state for work in 2021. I truly love John, and even now, I still love him, but I have
    via u/branchbutt
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    Cheezburger Image 10459664384
    via kb group / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    my doubts now about how he feels about me. A little context. I grew up fat. I had been fat when we met and for the first three years of our relationship, I was fat. This isn't a problem and never has been in our relationship, but it was something I had a problem with about myself. I
    via u/branchbutt
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    wanted to be healthier and to simply lose the weight because I knew it would make me happier. John was supportive of this. He said he'd love me no matter what form I took because it was my heart and soul he'd fallen for. I had believed that as I had no reason not to. John has always made me feel that he loves me and made me feel desired.
    via u/branchbutt
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    But now, I've lost half of what I weighed before and at my age and due to being overweight my entire life, I have plenty of loose skin. I am absolutely insecure about it, and John knows this. He's made every effort to reassure me that he still finds me beautiful and that he looks at my body as the evidence of how hard I've worked and how
    via u/branchbutt
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    far I've come. He reassures me that he still loves being intimate with me and loves my body, even as it's changed. I felt so lucky to have a man who loved me so unconditionally and truly.
    via u/branchbutt
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    Recently, John and I had gone out with a bunch of our friends as we'd not been able to align our schedules until now. Whenever we go out with a big group like this, John and I usually spend the beginning of the evening and the end of the evening together at the party. At some point in the middle, we always split off to go socialize
    via u/branchbutt
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    with our friends separately. When it came time that I went to rejoin John, I had seen him with his best friend and a couple others, engaged in conversation. John's back was to me, and his friends were all chuckling about something as I approached, but I stopped de d in my tracks when I heard John tell his best friend that my
    via u/branchbutt
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    via SeventyFour / Canva

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    body looked like a "deflated weather balloon" and that it was hard for him to not laugh when we were intimate and my body moved.
    via u/branchbutt

  • I couldn't imagine the shock and pain after overhearing something as heartbreaking as this. There's no excuse for him to speak about her like this. In a decent and mutually respectful relationship, you should always uphold your partner's dignity. It doesn't mean you can't vent to friends about things in the relationship, but he's not venting, he's deliberately humiliating her and joking at her expense. How could someone who was so sweet to her about her body turn around and shame her for it behind her back?

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    I had never expected the man who spoke so warmly and lovingly to me always to talk about me in such a way. John was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He'd known my insecurities and still loved me anyway. At least, so I thought.
    via u/branchbutt
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    Needless to say, I was hurt and angry and devastated. I walked up to him, handed him his ring without a word and I left. I didn't even go to our home. I went to a hotel and stayed there. I turned off my phone and just took a couple days to just cry out my heartache. When I turned my phone back on,
    via u/branchbutt
  • 15
    there were messages and voicemails from John and our friends. Most of John's messages were apologetic and begging me to talk and come home. But then the most recent were the opposite. He said I was cruel and cold for ignoring him and breaking off the engagement without warning or so much as an explanation. When I
    via u/branchbutt
  • 16
    responded to him and told him I'd heard what he'd said, John told me that I was acting like a child because I took his joke too seriously. That he was just trying to make his friend laugh. I asked him why he needed to make his friend laugh at my expense by telling him about my body and how it looked to him or how he struggled not to
    via u/branchbutt
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    laugh at me when we were intimate. He didn't respond.
    via u/branchbutt
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    Instead, as I'm writing this, I'm still receiving messages from our friends telling me that he's sorry and that I should "see how miserable he is" without me. That I'm so cold and a b for running off like that instead of giving John a chance to explain himself.
    via u/branchbutt
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    I'm hurt. I genuinely don't know if I was too rash in breaking off our engagement, but the only thought in my head and what is still sticking with me now, is that when I was fat, people mocked me because of my body all the time. I lost the weight only to still have people mock me because of my body. And it just so happened to be the one person I
    via u/branchbutt
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    allow to see me at my most vulnerable who showed me that. I know John's hurting (or at least seems to be), but so am I. Should I have heard him out? Five years and I didn't even give him the chance to explain or to really apologize. I just shut him out immediately. I still love the man, those feelings don't go away overnight, but... I don't
    via u/branchbutt
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    want to hear his apology. I don't want his explanation. I'm just... angry and hurt and my friends seem to think I'm throwing away my relationship over something easily fixable.
    via u/branchbutt

  • His reaction says a lot about him as well. Sure, it's extreme for her to completely ghost him and go MIA out of the blue, but he needs to practice patience a little harder. She's processing it in the way she will process it, blaming her is only making the situation worse. He did a horrible thing and he needs to make amends for it, not turn it around on her for being upset. He's showing his red flags, and she's wise to leave now before saying “I do.” 

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    Ok_Yak_8495 He's an , you deserve better! From your fiancé and from your friends. What part of telling his friend that he had a hard time not laughing during intimacy with you is funny to him?
    via u/Ok_Yak_8495
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    I'm furious on your behalf and I don't even know you. NTA!
    via u/Ok_Yak_8495
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    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTA. You can never un hear those words, and if you gave John a second chance, they would play in a loop in your head anytime you'd try to be intimate with him. Save yourself the long-term heartache and dump him
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
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    now. And congratulations on getting rid of ALL of the excess weight!
    via u/Ok_Childhood_9774
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    KeWiN_HUN NTA, remember, not you throw away the relationship, he threw away that awful "joke". If you love someone, not humiliated her.
    via u/KeWiN_HUN

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