Stepdaughter houses recently divorced stepmom and pays her to babysit her 2 and 5-year-old, stepmom abandons kids to go to a party: 'My husband said that she needed to grow up and gain responsibility or get out'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jan 29, 2025 3:00 PM EST

There's always some risk in accepting long-term guests into your home. Even if it's your best friend, a family member, or someone who truly needs the help, it's a big responsibility for you to house someone, and it's an even bigger responsibility for the other person to be a good houseguest. With no lease legally binding them to pay rent and bills, there's very little you can do if their stay turns into a terrible situation. Nobody wants to feel like a burden to their host, so it's imperative to get out promptly (unless you've otherwise specified that both parties intend for this to be a long-term arrangement) and treat the home that they're staying in with respect and to live under the rules of their hosts. You would think this would be pretty easy to do if someone allowed you to live rent-free in their home, but you'd be surprised.

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    Cheezburger Image 10460909824
    via Jude Infantini

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for backing up my husband who had told my stepmom to "Grow up or get out"?

    I (34 F) and husband (37 M) and stepmom (52 F) My stepmom has been helping us out by babysitting my 2 children (2 and 5) and while me and my husband are very grateful, we are very upset with her.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    My stepmom recently was divorced by my father. My stepmom had no where to go so she had asked to stay with us. I hadn't had a great relationship with her for stealing stuff I had bought with my money when I was 17 however I decided to push past this and move on. When she moved in, we went over rules and told her what her experience would look like. She
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    agreed to our rules, which included buying food for herself when necessary, although we did tell her we would mostly be buying stuff for her so she could get back on her feet. Another rule we had was babysitting. We would agree to pay her for babysitting our kids when we needed her so that she could make some money to get back on her feet. We gave her our job
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    contact info had she ever needed to call them if she couldn't get ahold of us while we were at work. Recently, we haven't really been needing her to babysit but she has been insistent on paying for food items. We went over the fact that this wasn't needed and she replied that she wanted to feel like she had more power over us
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    by paying for food. I gently reminded her that this was our house and she was a guest in it to which she got ped. She told me and my husband that "she has power over us" and how "she was my mom". I didn't reply and just stopped talking to her.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    My husband had made plans with her that we would need her to babysit our kids this past Monday and she had agreed to it since we were both going to work. I am at work when my work receives a call from my husband telling me that my stepmom called him saying that she was leaving to go party with her friends, and he was going back home to talk to her. I agree that he is doing the
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    reasonable thing since she has no concept of responsibility. I then, while at work receive a call from my stepmom who had said that my husband said that she needed to grow up and gain responsibility or get out. I, of course sided with my husband and she hung up. The next morning, whilst driving home I noticed my stepmoms car wasn't in my driveway and I asked my
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    husband about it, to which he replied "she chose to get out". I have been trying to reach my stepmom for days but she nor my step-sister (whom she moved in with) will hold a conversation with me and my stepmom will not apologize.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    I'm starting to feel like the AH since neither of them will respond to me. Did I overreact and overstep for basically kicking her out?
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    crazymastiff NTA. And never contact her again. This was a power move to show that she did in fact have some power over you and the fact that you are trying to contact her is proving her point. She lives that you're reaching out and she's not answering... because it gives her even more power over you!
    via u/crazymastiff
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    Lucky Number 75 OP Thank you!
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    Oranges007 And block her so she can't call you either.
    via u/Oranges007
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    Careless_Welder_4048 I'm confused why you want to talk to her? Why didn't she move in with her daughter first?
    via u/Careless_Welder_4048
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    Lucky Number75 OP Her daughter lives in a small apartment that she can barely pay the rent for. She moved in with us because we agreed to pay her.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    VTMaid So why can't stepmom and stepsister share expenses and leave you out of it? The whole "l need power over you under your own roof" is a dealbreaker, particularly when your prior issues involved her stealing your stuff when you were a teen.
    via u/VTMaid
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    I'd say cut your losses, but if you were paying her to live there, having her out isn't even really a loss. Stop chasing after stepmom and start looking for a reliable sitter.
    via u/VTMaid
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    Rare _Sugar_7927 NTA and be grateful you got rid of her that easy. Wash your hands of her. If she wants to have a decent adult relationship with you she can get in touch and apologize. Right now, enjoy the peace of not having someone who "has power over you" cos about?? was that
    via u/Rare _Sugar_7927
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    Lucky Number 75 OP Exactly. I hate how I felt bad for her and seriously thought I had a lapse of judgement.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    Time-Bee-5069 Stop trying to contact your stepmother. Grow a backbone.
    via u/Time-Bee-5069
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    GroundbreakingAsk342 Agreed.and it should be pointed out, that the woman isn't even OP's step-mother anymore (OP's, Dad, divorced her)!
    via u/GroundbreakingAsk342
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    Glenamaddy60 Sounds like your husband took out the trash.
    via u/Glenamaddy60
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    Lucky Number 75 OP I am beyond grateful for him.
    via u/Lucky_Number75
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    Icy_Entrepreneur2380 NTA, it sounds like the stepmom should be promoted to stranger or at least somebody you used to know
    via u/Icy_Entrepreneur2380
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    Lucky Number 75 OP reminds me of "you have been promoted!! you are now one of my elite employees" because I was literally paying her.
    via u/Lucky_Number75

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divorced family drama babysitter kids house mother stepmom wife stepdaughter husband babysitting dad divorce family daughter mom Father
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