Woman sees her family’s savings are not yielding as much as they should, finds out husband has been sending money to his sister without telling her: ‘If he wants to keep throwing money at his sister’s lifestyle, he can do it without me’

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 7, 2025 7:00 PM EST

There's always one person in our lives who we can never trust with money and always seems to need it. You go out to dinner with them and cover the bill because they insist on paying you back, but you know that money will never get back to you. Even when they ask to borrow money, promising it's just a loan, you fork over the cash, knowing you'll never see it again. The invention of money-sharing apps has made it a little bit easier to hold these people accountable, but they can still swindle their way out of paying and back into our hearts. Eventually, you just have to accept that this person is never going to change and make you that whenever you go out together, it's for a cheap meal.

If your life's leech person gets ahold of someone with a big heart and a leaky wallet, that's when you enter the danger zone. One woman faces this issue when she learns that her husband has been sending hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to his sister every month or so. In this case, does family come before everything? Or is there a time and place to cut someone off?
 

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  • 01
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    via Alexander Mils
  • 02

    "AITAH for Blowing Up at My Husband After Finding Out He’s Been Secretly Giving His Sister Money?"

    1 (32F) just found out that my husband (34M) has been secretly sending money to his older sister (38F) for years, and I lost it. I need to know if I went too far.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 03
    A little background: His sister has always been a bit of a mess financially. She doesn't manage her money well, constantly complains about being broke, and always has some excuse as to why she can't cover her expenses. I've always suspected she was bad with money, but I had no idea just how deep this went.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 04
    Recently, I started noticing that our savings weren't growing as they should have been. We make good money, and I handle most of our finances, so it didn't make sense. My husband has his own bank account for his personal spending, so I don't micromanage it, but something felt off.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 05
    I finally got my answer when I overheard a phone call between him and his sister. She was crying (fake crying, IMO) about how she was short on rent and desperately needed help. My husband, being the big-hearted guy he is, told her he'd send her the money right away.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 06
    That's when I checked his transactions and saw that he has been sending her hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars every few months. This wasn't just a one-time thing it was a pattern.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 07

    Not the social media proof!

    The worst part? The same day he sends her money, she posted pictures on social media flaunting a brand-new designer bag and eating at some fancy restaurant with her friends. I scrolled back and realized this wasn't the first time. Every time she cried to him about being "broke," she was posting about some shopping spree or night out right after.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 08
    I confronted my husband, and we had the biggest fight we've ever had in our marriage. He kept insisting that she really needs help and that "family takes care of each other." I told him he's not helping her he's enabling her. I was furious that he was giving away our money to someone who was blatantly using him as a piggy bank.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 09
    I asked him point-blank if he had ever gotten a single dollar back. He admitted she has never repaid him, despite constantly promising she would. That's when I lost it and told him that if he wants to keep throwing money at his sister's lifestyle, he can do it without me.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 10
    Now he's upset, saying I'm being heartless and that "it's just money." But it's our money, and I feel completely betrayed that he's been keeping this from me. His sister, of course, is now playing the victim, saying I'm cruel for "coming between family." So... AITAH?
    via ToeSad1231
  • 11

    People in the comments took this woman's side.

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    via rupixen
  • 12
    NTA! She is milking your husband for money and he does not realise it and keeping it a secrect is also a big red flag!
    via ToeSad1231
  • 13
    Was this joint money or money "from his own bank account for his personal spending"?
    via ToeSad1231
  • 14
    If it was from his personal account, I can see his reasoning. However, since he didn't contribute what he should have to the savings, I would separate the savings. And show him how much is technically yours from the savings. Not sure how much it is, but take yours- including the growth. Explain you didn't have the luxury to spend "free" money as this is your earned money.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 15

    One commenter spoke from personal experience.

    My sister in law went through a rough divorce a few years ago and we knew money was tight for her
    via ToeSad1231
  • 16
    We spoke together about what we could do for her and ended up reaching out she literally told us there was no way she could repay us
    via ToeSad1231
  • 17
    So instead we asked for her electric and water bills BSB numbers and we payed those for a few months until she told us she was back on track
    via ToeSad1231
  • 18
    If he feels like he has to help her there are better ways to go about it You're NTA
    via ToeSad1231
  • 19
    NTA Next time she asks for money, tell him he will need to tell you about it. When she asks, monitor her socials for a few days and show him the proof. Then if you are right, tell him his sister needs to stop and he needs to develop a backbone to say no.
    via ToeSad1231
  • 20
    Just must sure you have a separate account from your husband, i believe in a marriage their should be 3 accounts, the household account 2 husband has his account, and 3 your account , it's works, as long he's taking the money from his account why care
    via ToeSad1231

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family drama aita sister-in-law money problems reddit story finances family reddit thread Reddit money
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