Woman’s mother continues to cause issues in her wedding planning process, woman revokes her wedding invitation: ‘I’ve even gotten messages from her saying she “can’t believe her own daughter would do this to her”’

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 5, 2025 7:00 AM EST

Weddings are supposed to be the most special day in a person's life. The spotlight is on the happy couple, and everyone is there to celebrate their friends or family in their declaration of love. Because it can be such a grand occasion, the people in our lives who have to pay attention to them can have a hard time not being in the spotlight for just a day. When you're planning your wedding, you have to, unfortunately, keep these people in mind. Whether that means giving them a fake task to keep them occupied or cutting them out of the wedding process in general, it's important to make sure you can still have the day you deserve.

There may come a point where your problem person becomes too much of a problem to even deal with, and with an event that should be as special as a wedding, you may have to make the tough decision of excluding them from the event altogether. One woman came to this point when her mother continued to cause issues in her wedding planning process. So, is she right to revoke her invitation to the wedding? Or is family always going to be more important?
 

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    via Hermes Rivera
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    "AITAH for Not Inviting My Mom to My Wedding?"

    1 (23F) am getting married in a few months to my fiancé (26M), and we're in the final stages of planning. Here's the issue: I've decided not to invite my mom, and it's causing a lot of drama within my family.
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    Growing up, my mom and I never had a great relationship. She was emotionally manipulative, constantly criticizing me about my looks, choices, and even my friends. She always made everything about her and would guilt-trip me over the smallest things. She was the type of mom who would ruin birthdays or special events with drama, tears, and fights.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
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    When I got engaged, I honestly debated inviting her because I felt maybe we could start fresh. But when I told her about the wedding, the first thing she did was complain about the date, the venue, and even my dress. She said it wasn't "flattering" and implied I'd regret my choice. When I didn't immediately change things to suit her, she started telling other family members that I was "disrespectful" and "ungrateful."
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    The breaking point came a few months ago when she called me to scream about not being "consulted" on the guest list. She even threatened to show up uninvited if I didn't give her what she wanted. I was done. I made the tough decision not to send her an invitation.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
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    Now, family members are divided. My dad (divorced from my mom) supports me and says she's toxic, but my aunt and a couple of cousins think I'm being "coldhearted" and that "she's your mother; you'll regret this one day." I've even gotten messages from her saying she "can't believe her own daughter would do this to her."
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 07
    I feel confident in my decision, but the guilt is creeping in. AITA for not inviting my mom to my wedding?
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    Commenters told this woman that her mother should not be at the wedding.

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    via Norbert Braun
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    NTA. From what you've described, your mom has been emotionally manipulative and toxic for a long time. You've tried to give her a chance to be part of your wedding, and instead of offering support or love, she's made everything about her and caused drama. You deserve to have a peaceful, joyful wedding day without the stress of her behavior hanging over you.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
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    It's completely understandable why you wouldn't want her there, especially if she's been emotionally ab ive or unsupportive in the past.
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    You're setting boundaries for your well-being, and that's important. Some family members might not understand, but they're not the ones who have to deal with the fallout from your mom's behavior. At the end of the day, it's your wedding, and you have every right to choose who you want there.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
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    You shouldn't feel guilty for protecting your mental and emotional health, especially when your mom's actions have repeatedly shown that she's not capable of respecting your choices. So, no, you're not the a h_le.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 13

    Something old, like her mother's behavior!

    I think at a minimum, you cannot include anyone in your wedding who can't be trusted not to cause a massive disruption there. And that's your call to make, along with your fiance.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 14
    It's not your job to convince her to behave herself. It's her job to show that she hears you and convince you that she can be trusted. If there was some magic way that you could have gotten through to her that she needed to check herself, you shouldn't feel guilty about not finding it. And I'll
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    about not finding it. And I'll just point out she gave you good reason to be worried with this "showing up uninvited thing" and has apparently made NO effort to wheel any of her behavior back or try to respect your boundaries even to this day.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
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    - As for your cousins and aunt - if they said this once, fine, whatever. If they're harping on it, you need to have a talk with them and make it clear that you heard them and you disagree, and they need to drop it and promise that they aren't going to create an issue for you at the wedding or you'll have to ask THEM not to come also.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 17
    Don't try to defend your decision. You have plenty to say that would defend it but part of the point is that it's YOUR decision, not theirs, because it's your wedding. They can include your mom in THEIR wedding. But this is YOUR wedding. NTA
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 18
    NTA Well, at least we can see why you dad is no longer her husband.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 19

    Wedding security guard sounds like an awesome job.

    Toxic people are going to do toxic things. I would not trust her for one second. You might need to have some security present so when she shows up, they can drag her out.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 20
    NTA. I very much doubt that your mother is paying for your wedding so she has absolutely no say in the date, venue, dress or guest list.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063
  • 21
    The same goes even more so for your aunt and cousins. Hire security so that she doesn't get in and ruin your day and tell them to keep a close eye on your aunt and cousins too as they may try to find a way to sneak her in.
    via Worth_Advantage_6063

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