30 New Mom Tweets When You're Sleep Deprived but Still Funny

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melissa dilillo
Feb 4, 2025 4:00 PM EST

My sister is about to become a first time mom. It's a lot of preparation now that the last 7 weeks are in site, but now that the crib is built and baby clothes washed and ready, it's time to focus on what's really important. Books. They are the cornerstone of any new baby room. Joke books are equally as important. Teaching your kiddo young what it means to be silly and have a sense of humor is critical. 

If nothing else, telling jokes to your kids as they get older is fun for you. Everyone knows how cheesy dad jokes are, but they always make you laugh. I get cheesier as I get older and I care less about what people think. The only people that I care about making laugh are the kiddos anyways. 

If you're hoping to see your little ones smile when they're having a cranky morning, cracking a few jokes never makes things worse. Check out our 30 dad joke memes that'll be useful for first-time parents.

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  • 01
    Dad Jokes * @Dadsaysjokes Horse walks into a bar. Bartender: Hey. Horse: Sure.
    via @dadsaysjokes

    Kids always go crazy for farm animals. 

  • 02
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife always buys cheap toilet paper. It's a pain in the a ...
    via @dadsaysjokes

    Why the cheap paper? I feel ya dude. 

  • 03
    Dad Jokes ❤ @Dadsaysjokes "Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere." Me: "Well it got me to the sarcasm world championships in Mexico '98." "Really?" Me: "No."
    via @dadsaysjokes

    This tone of voice couldn't understand me better. 

  • 04
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Got a couple of sock puppets for sale. Anyone interested in taking them off my hands?
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 05
    My dad just sent me this... Van stop Van clutch
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 06
    Dad Jokes ☑ @Dadsaysjokes I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, "Thanks". I said, "Don't mention it."
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 07
    Dad Jokes ❤ @Dadsaysjokes My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot. But I'm not a fan.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 08
    Dad Jokes ✔ @Dadsaysjokes I was going to propose to my girlfriend, but my dog ate the ring. Now it's a diamond in the ruff.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 09
    Dad Jokes ⭑ @Dadsaysjokes If you're here for the yodeling lesson. Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 10
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes The bank says I can't afford a $1200 mortgage. ...So I pay $2000 in rent instead.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 11
    Dad Jokes ✓ @Dadsaysjokes Where do rabbits go after they get married? On a bunny-moon.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 12
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes One day you'll find someone that's obsessed with you. It's probably going to be a dog but it is what it is.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 13
    Dad Jokes ⭑ @Dadsaysjokes You really should try archery while blindfolded. You don't know what you're missing.
    via @dadsaysjokes

    Reminds me of my days at summer camp. 

  • 14
    Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that's a moray.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 15
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Don't worry about your smartphone and TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 16
    Dad Jokes ❤ @Dadsaysjokes Why does the sun not need to go to university? It already has 27 million degrees ...
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 17
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train... The train engineer sees three idiots on the railway track.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 18
    nicktinucci How did the lumber jack know how many trees he had cut down? He kept a log. 17
    via @nicktinucci
  • 19
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife left me because I didn't do enough chores around the house. I'm devastated. I really didn't do much to deserve it.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 20
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I asked a guy at the station when the next train was coming. He said, "Have a look online!" I said, "That's a bit dangerous isn't it?"
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 21
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo. ... Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 22
    Dad Jokes ✔ @Dadsaysjokes What weighs more, a gallon of water, or a gallon of butane? A gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 23
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My friend keeps saying "Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 24
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Someone stole my identity... and then sent it back with $100 and a note that said, "So sorry man. Hope things work out."
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 25
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My partner and I can never agree on vacations. I want to go to exotic islands and stay in 5 star hotels. She wants to come with me. ...
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 26
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I called up my landlord and said, "Hey, I gotta leak in my sink." He said, "Go ahead. I'm not judging."
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 27
    Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes.com "Do what you love and the money will follow". I ate a whole pizza, took a nap, and watched TV. Now we wait.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 28
    Dad Jokes ☑ @Dadsaysjokes I was walking past a farm and a sign said: Duck, eggs! I thought: That's an unnecessary comma - and then it hit me. ...
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 29
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I'm so old... I remember when car windows had cranks, and rolling them down felt like an arm work out.
    via @dadsaysjokes
  • 30
    Dad Jokes ⭑ @Dadsaysjokes I was arrested for drinking battery acid. But I wasn't charged.
    via @dadsaysjokes

Tags

Babies females parenthood jokes toddler Female Empowerment bad jokes dad jokes nerd jokes funny memes parenting kiddos mom children
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