Worker catches feelings for coworker, but she doesn't reciprocate, he asks for space, but coworker doesn't respect his boundary: 'She kept engaging with me in ways that blurred those boundaries'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 13, 2025 6:00 PM EST

One of the best parts of working in an office is developing a work crush. It's an easy thing to do: you see these people every day for most of the day, so there's bound to be someone you have a connection. Having a crush makes going to work all the more worth it. It helps get you up in the morning; it gets you excited to be there. It may even make you more productive! A harmless work crush is the backbone of a working society, and without it, well, work wouldn't be worth doing.

A work crush gets complicated when it starts to get too real. Dating in the workplace is unbelievably messy, and on top of the general work stress, it's not worth it to have the added stress of getting your feelings hurt. If all of a sudden you start to have real feelings for this person, or it gets in the way of you being able to do real work, you may need to take a step back. That's what one guy tried to do when his work crush said she didn't feel similarly, but things got weird when she started sending mixed messages. So, was this guy right to get HR involved? Or was this one to shove under the rug?

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    via Aleksandra Sapozhnikova
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    "AITA: I Asked for Space, She Didn’t Give It, Then She Asked for Space and I Actually Respected It (But Now She’s in HR)?"

    I (M) had a close friendship with a coworker. It started as a deep connection, but over time, I caught feelings. I was upfront and honest about them, and she set a boundary. Fair enough.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    The problem? She kept engaging with me in ways that blurred those boundaries, sending hearts, calling me an angel, telling me I was her special soul, holding my hand and kissing me. She even ignored my request for space when I needed time to move on.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    So, I doubled down and asked for real space. Suddenly, she flipped the script and said she needed space now instead.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Fine. I respected it. I even told my manager and HR, "Hey, I need some space at work, can we just have her tickets go to someone else?" No drama, just looking out for my own peace.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Then... she called the helpdesk and specifically asked for me. HR and my manager immediately clocked it, and now she has a formal HR meeting.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Now I'm sitting here wondering if I was the a hole for setting boundaries and protecting my space should I have just ghosted?
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    People offered advice on next steps in the comments.

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    NTA. You are at work to work. She didn't respect your boundaries. HR should reinforce your position.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Any evidence you have, be sure to save it. You are not the AH. This sort of stuff happens more often than anyone would like to believe
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    One commenter told a cautionary tale about what could happen without HR.

    Dunno if this Reddit is true, but seen the exact same thing play out with a pal. He did the same - except he never formalised it by getting HR involved at the start.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Then the woman got the hump. Fed up of not getting anywhere with him, she laid a charge of SA on him. Work suspended him. Not satisfied with that, she reported SA to the police.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Unfortunately, for her, two of the incidents she claimed, took place when he wasn't in the country. He and I were overseas at video gaming fairs...
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Once the police were aware, they dug deeper and all the claims were revealed as bogus.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    I guess HR can use their powers for good.

    She ended up being successfully prosecuted. His employer reinstated him. They sacked him after 4 weeks because (they claimed), he was dragging moral in the company down! Moral: Get HR involved as soon as there is even a slight whiff.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    It seems like she was fine with crossing boundaries when it suited her, but when you asked for space, she suddenly wanted to flip the script. That's not fair. Setting boundaries is crucial in any relationship, whether personal or professional. You respected her space when she asked, and she didn't return the favor. You're not in the wrong for looking out for your well-being.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    NTA. It sounds like she was trying to set you up to get in big trouble with HR, but got derailed when you preemptively went to them to ask them to send her tickets to someone else. You played it smart OP
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    NTA. You were smart to do that. Now you can't get in trouble for sual harassment. But also don't really date coworkers it's stupid.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Nah, you set a boundary and actually stuck to it. She played games and it caught up with her-that's on her, not you.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    The situation became more complicated when she disregarded your boundaries, and yet, when she needed space, you respected it. It's important to remain consistent in how we treat others, and respecting boundaries is not a bad thing. You weren't petty or trying to retaliate.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Best to keep your work and romantic life separate.

    If you like your job and want to keep it don't f around at work. Friends are friends, that's fine. Looking to date a coworker is the kiss of death for one or both of you. If she gets fired she might pull you down too. Be careful.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    Since she started a formal complaint with HR it's probably a good thing you covered your tracks and disclosed it with them before hand.
    via Specific_Warthog9587
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    NTA. You respected her boundary even though she ignored yours. You did what you had to do and HR got involved because of her actions, not yours. Don't feel guilty for protecting your peace.
    via Specific_Warthog9587

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aita workplace-stories coworkers reddit story workplace boundaries workplace drama reddit thread Reddit
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