'[My MIL] told me I needed to do my duty as a wife': Working woman happily denounces 'trad-wife' duties after getting berated by her visiting mother-in-law for not cooking dinner after a long shift

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Feb 22, 2025 7:00 PM EST

This working woman had come home from a long day at the office to her in-laws vacationing in their home for the weekend only to discover that her husband, who usually cooks dinner, had decided he wasn't going to contribute to the family meal. Consequently, this traditional and judgmental mother-in-law saw her opportunity to strike. 

I understand that it's hard for older generations to get on board with some of the changes happening in society today. Technology can be overwhelming, towns aren't what they used to be, and it's tough to adjust to a changing world when you're resolute in your old ways. However, this mother-in-law had repeatedly ripped apart this woman and her family's lifestyle simply because they required two incomes to survive this expensive world. When both parents need to work to be financially responsible, it's not exactly in the cards to drop everything to be a trad-wife or a stay-at-home mom. These days, that's a luxury! 

However, this MIL decided that instead of supporting her hardworking daughter-in-law, she'd use a lost dinner opportunity to berate her for having a different lifestyle than the one they knew before. Keep scrolling to read how this generational gap turned into a family wedge when this working mother met the final straw. 

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  • Cheezburger Image 10471167488
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    (The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.)

    The biggest problem in this tale isn't even just the mother-in-law—it's the husband. Knowing that their marriage was a partnership and that they'd share in the responsibilities of homemaking, parenting, and keeping the family afloat, he should have come to her aid when the gloves came off with Mommy. But alas, he was too cowardly to face her…

  • So my husband comes from a 'traditional' family. Mum's a SAHM, father was sole provider. I come from the opposite - my mother pretty much forbade from ever being financially dependent on a man and drilled that into me early on.
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  • My husband worked hard to unlearn the values he saw replicated at home. He (often more than) pulled his weight at home, was an engaged and present father and a genuine partner. The one thing that grinds my gears is how much weight he puts on the opinions of his family. I get that we all want our parents to be proud of us, but this is too much.
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  • My ILs are staying with us for 2 weeks. Our usual MO is, I prep breakfast, we all eat lunch at work/school, and my husband makes dinner. We have a cleaner, but she's on holiday so in the meantime we're DIYing the cleaning where it's down to everyone to keep their space clean and common spaces we all clean. This is how we've always done it, and it works.
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  • My ILs hate that I'm 'one of those modern women'. They hate that I work, they hate that I don't find my purpose in being a wife and mother and they hate that my husband pulls his weight at home. We spoke pretty frankly early on, where I established my boundaries and told them I won't be chastised about how I live my life in my home.
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  • When I am a guest in their home, I accommodate their ways and play the DIL they wish I was. They have for the most part respected this. I got home yesterday after work tired and starving. I typically get home 1815/30 and we eat at 1900. I said quick hellos and ran up for a pre- dinner shower. When I came down, I
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  • went to the kitchen to help set up for dinner and found nothing ready. I asked my husband about it but he wouldn't look at me and his mother answered that he hadn't cooked anything. She told me I needed to do my duty as a wife and cook for my family. My coward of a husband still wasn't looking at me. I just walked
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  • away and ordered takeaway. I dished up for me and my kids and we sat at the table to eat. My husband and his parents served themselves and joined us. My MIL was still going on about what was wrong with me and why I was a failure. I asked my husband if he had
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  • anything to say. He said his mother had a point and it wouldn't hurt if I acted 'more like a proper woman' and 'took better care of my home and children'. He said tradition was tradition for a reason and it was kind of insulting that I thought I was too good for how he was raised.
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is where I might be the a_h_le. I told him tradition won't allow a man on 35k to support a family of 5 and he was too broke to be so sexist. He looked hurt and I saw tears welling in his eyes. He excused himself from the table. I regret saying this in front of our children, but him saying that to me after I'm busting my a to clean up his mess on top of having to deal with his parents was too much for me. AITA.
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  • WhyCommentQueasy S ks the kids were there for it but he deserved worse. NTA Should have ordered only enough food for you and the kids.
    via WhyCommentQueasy
  • owls_and_cardinals NTA. Your husband was indeed a coward. He has been a willing participant in your marriage all along and has gamely contributed to the agreement you have that works for you both. It was incredibly hurtful of him to not uphold his own decisions nor
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  • defend his wonderful partner of a wife to his parents. When the sh hit the fan, he failed to hold up, and that's a really sad realization for you. What you said might have been hurtful and cutting, but it was the truth, and only came out because he said - also in front of your children - that you weren't a proper woman and didn't take adequate care of your home and children.
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  • Frankly, he needed to hear it! How can he think you should be MORE OR BETTER with all that you're already doing? Does he think it's really a valid option for you to just drop your work and career to be a homemaker, and how does he think that's gonna go for your family? It's absurdly impractical and makes him look like an imbecile to think it has merit.
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  • Hate to fall into old reddit tropes but... it's gotta be therapy or divorce time, no? Definitely do the therapy route because it sounds like he's like 85% bought in and working to be a better person, but that 15% reared its head when his parents came around.... which might mean you need some firm boundaries against his parents.
    via owls_and_cardinals
  • It's sickening that they abused their influence of him and used their time with him alone to turn him against you. If it were me, they would not be welcome in my home ever again and I'd be seriously considering limiting their access to the grandkids as well, because they are poisonous against you.
    via owls_and_cardinals
  • judgeeveryonesbiznes NTAI get you want to tpresent a united front to the kids but he said that about you in front of them and that is not an idea you want taking root in your childrens mind.
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  • He was banking on you bowing to peer/family pressure to get away with this disrepect of you and your families normal way of division of labor. He gambled and lost on that and I am really proud that you did not bow down just because his parents were there or that the kids were in the room. Too many people let things like this slide so as not to upset the apple cart.
    via judgeeveryonesbiznes
  • This is all on him. He decided it was better for him and easier for him risk your feelings than stand up to his parents. He chose to upset you versus upsetting his mother. I honestly would not have let them have any of the take out food. I would have probably taken my kids and left to have dinner with just me and the kids.
    via judgeeveryonesbiznes

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