Mom takes daughter home after the 9-year-old is singled out and made to bowl against grown adult man at kid's birthday party: ‘Her friends asked her why she was leaving and she said she didn’t want to bowl with the male stranger’

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Mar 8, 2025 12:00 PM EST

Being excluded at group events never feels good, no matter how old you are or what stage of life you're in. Even if it's not intentional it doesn't really help it to feel any less isolating and that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that no one really wants you there or is making an effort to make sure you feel included is difficult to bounce back from even when the moment passes.

Once you get older, you kinda stop caring what people think so much and just decide to leave and stick up for yourself when you're being mistreated. I know people who are well into their 40s who continue to put up with these sorts of "so high school" "friend" group dynamics where everyone is petty and talking behind each other's backs and just generally don't really seem to like each other all that much. I don't have time for that anymore and find it hard to call relationships like that "friends," but when you're young, it feels crushing and like the end of the world when you're treated like that by your peers.

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  • 01

    "She said she did because she didn’t want to play with the adult male stranger."

    Cheezburger Image 10477160192
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

  • I know this is probably one of the most tragic things to happen in this 9-year-old's life, but I can't help but laugh when I imagine the bowling equivalent of the dodgeball scene from Billy Madison in my head as this girl faced up against a grown adult man at this kid's birthday party. Except in my head, Walter from the Big Lebowski takes the place of Billy Madison. 

     

  • 02
    My (43F) daughter Annie 9F) was invited to a party at a bowling alley to celebrate a classmate's birthday. Only girls were invited to the party and about 21 (edit: i think it might have only been girls 17) were in attendance. We were about 5 minutes late to the party and arrived at the same time as another classmate (Betty). Due to the long lines, it took Annie and Betty about 10 minutes to get their shoes and to walk over to the lanes. The hostess had reserved 3 lanes next to each other. As typ
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  • 03
    When we arrived at the lanes, the other girls names were programmed into the two lanes and an adult male was programming his name in the 3rd lane. Annie went to the area and was directed to the third lane. I said hi to a few of the other parents and saw that Annie left the area. I asked her where she was going and she said that she was told to go get a blue ball because it was lighter. I realized that the ball was 14 pounds so I told her I will go look for a lighter ball for her. When I came bac
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  • 04
    parents asked if I was bowling and I said that I was just getting a lighter ball for Annie. As I gave the ball to Annie, I heard the dad of one of the other girls say to Betty that her name is now on Lane 2 as the birthday girl's mom, the hostess (Dana), came by. I asked Dana if Annie can also be added to Lane 1 or 2 and was told that Annie is in Lane 3. I
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  • 05
    was surprised and walked over to Lane 3 to see that Annie was added to Lane 3 and the only player on Lane 3 was Annie playing with the adult male who we didn't know with a bunch of other players named kid 1, kid 2 and kid 3. I then saw Annie sitting by herself. I asked her if she wanted to go to the other bench to join her friends but she said she was on Lane 3 and was waiting her turned to bowl though the adult male was bowling for the other kids. I let her be and went back to talk
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  • 06
    to some of the parents but 5 min later realized she was still sitting alone on the bench rather than joining her classmates on the other bench for Lane 1 and 2. I walked over and asked her again why she didn't join the other classmates and she said that she felt left out. So I asked her if she wanted to go. She said she did because she didn't want to play with the adult male stranger. So Annie and I walked out. As we went out the door, her friends asked her why she was leaving and she said she d
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  • 07
    Annie was playing on a separate lane by herself. A few parents offered to have them take turns in Lanes 1 and 2 but by that time Annie had walked out. I then took her out for ice cream. After we left, I realized I could have asked Dana to divide the girls evenly into 3. lanes but by that we had already left. I'm really upset how the hostess thought it was ok to isolate Annie and am glad I didn't just drop her off and leave. WIBTA is if I sent the hostess an email explaining why we left early and
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  • 08
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I would be the AH for confronting the hostess about the party rather than letting the whole thing go
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  • 09

    "I’m really upset how the hostess thought it was ok to isolate Annie and am glad I didn’t just drop her off and leave. "

    Brunswick AXIS 9758519 ՈՐԻ
    via Courtney Wentz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    Trevena_Ice NTA, but: You should have asked, why there is a stranger bowling on the reserved lines. And yes, you should have asked Dana to divide the girls to the three lines. But it doesn't help now to send an angry e-mail. It will only backfire. Dana had much to do with 21 kids there. Yes it was bad that Annie was put on the last line. But I think no one was thinking that far. Children have the first come first served mentality and all wanted to be on the lines with the friends. And Dana had t
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  • 11
    jsrsquared I think YWBTA if you sent an email. I get that Annie was disappointed, and the hosts didn't handle the situation as well as you would have liked, but what response do you expect? I'm assuming the ominously titled adult male stranger was probably a member of the birthday girls family or something since they were using the reserved lane, and while it sks that Annie was added to a lane with people she didn't know, it's understandable that Dana was not focused on prioritizing the happines
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  • 12
    ChiliPedi Hosting a bowling party for a bunch of kids is SO draining. Dealing with putting kids names into lanes in order, late comers, and swaps and keeping track of who goes next, etc requires octopus levels of organization and a lot of help. The mom was probably overwhelmed, but she probably would have helped out if you had voiced your concern to her directly that your daughter felt left out and uncomfortable playing with a strange male.
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  • 13
    1568314 YWBTA if it wasn't a big enough deal for you to say something or just tell your daughter she didn't have to sit in the same lane as she was bowling in, or even bowl at all- then it's definitely not worth bringing up after the fact. "jsyk, I left your party because you as the host weren't paying lore attention and providing better entertainment for my child."
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  • 14
    There's not a good way to say that because you didn't advocate more for her at the time. Kids don't know how to act at parties. It was your job to integrate her into the group, and you failed. You barely put any effort into making her comfortable and then just left when no one else did it for you. S ks to be a kid whose parent doesn't teach you
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  • 15
    SouthernTrauma YTA for not actually advocating for your daughter at the bowling alley. Instead, you just left with her. You taught her to just take whatever crop she's given and bail if she doesn't like it. You could've had that convo with the parent in charge and made sure ahe was included in the proper way.
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