15-year-old borrows 16-year-old stepsister's heirloom necklace and loses it, dad refuses to comfort her when she feels guilty: 'She exploded in anger'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 12, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

It is a stereotype that holds some truth that in families where there are multiple daughters, there can often be a lot of borrowing and straight-up theft when it comes to what to wear. There are a lot of households where what goes in whose wardrobe becomes more of a matter of opinion than fact. 

However, no matter how easygoing siblings might be about sharing, there are still some boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. There will almost always be certain accessories or garments that hold more importance and are really meant to be worn by their owner alone. These significant items aren't the kind of thing to go about borrowing, let alone allow them to be damaged or lost. 

In the unfortunate case that this does happen, it may be that somebody has to learn the hard way about respecting personal property. It's not a game that anybody should be playing.

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    Cheezburger Image 10478469376
    via Valeriia Miller (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One 15-year-old realized this recently after she borrowed her stepsister's necklace for a date, which had great sentimental value as it contained the wedding ring of her late grandfather. She didn't tell her sister that she was taking it and she also lost it at her mother's house, leading to a big search operation and her stepsister losing her temper.

    While the ring was found, her dad felt she needed to be grounded for her behavior, and her stepsister did not take her apology well. His ex thought he was being too harsh, and he wondered if that was true.

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    I married my wife five years ago. I have two daughters from my first marriage, Rose (15) and Nicole (13), while my wife has Becca (16). Becca's father is absent, so her grandfather played a big role in her life until he passed away a year before I met my wife. It was very hard on Becca, and though she's doing better, she still carries that loss. I've stepped up as a father figure, and we're very close. Becca has a necklace with her grandfather's wedding ring on it, gifted to her by my wife when
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    Last week, after Rose and Nicole returned to their mom's, Becca noticed her necklace was missing. She was frantic, insisting she hadn't taken it out since a dance a month ago but had seen it in her jewelry box since then. While searching, Nicole called, overheard the situation, and passed the phone to Rose. Rose hesitated but eventually admitted she had borrowed it for an upcoming date. I told her she needed to return it immediately and that we'd discuss how wrong it was to steal it. Becca calme
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    I went to my ex's house, where Rose, looking embarrassed, said she couldn't find it. We searched everywhere—her room, bag, my car, and her mom's house. I even brought her back to retrace her steps. When Becca saw her, she exploded in anger, calling Rose a brat and saying she'd never forgive her if it wasn't found. Rose was crying, looking to me, but I just told her to keep looking and hope we found it. Eventually, Rose thought to check under her mom's car—it was there, thankfully undamaged. I gr
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    My ex thinks we're being too hard on Rose and that we should have comforted her. She says Rose is just a teen who made a mistake. I disagreed, saying this wasn't a simple mistake—she knew the necklace's importance, was told not to take it, and nearly lost it. If it had been run over, it would've been gone forever. I told Rose I love her, but any more comforting would be coddling, and she needs to learn from this. My wife, Becca, and even Nicole agree with my approach. AITA?
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    EDIT: Some are asking if I think Rose did this on purpose to hurt Becca. I don't think so, and Becca has confirmed she doesn't believe this either. Even before Becca was screaming at her, Rose genuinely seemed upset and remorseful for losing it. She clearly felt bad. Doesn't make it okay in the slightest, but her story adds up. She has a milestone date with her boyfriend approaching and she wanted to "look nice". Still dumb as h I for her to do this, mind you, but I do believe it was genuine tha
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    EDIT 2: People are asking how it was under the car. It's hard to explain as I didn't take pictures at the time, but it wasn't directly under the car. The way it was found, I believe it fell from Rose's pocket (where she said she put it) and it accidentally got kicked a bit under the car. The car was parked in my ex's garage. Given there's no lights in there, it originally blended in with the ground. Rose thought to check because she was checking her mom's car again (the last place she remembered
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    Other people believed that he had done the right thing.

    SkiPhD NTA After a cooling off time, you might sit down with Rose. Talk through what she did and why (is she feeling jealous of your relationship with Becca?). That is the time when you tell her that she made a huge mistake, hug her, and tell her you love her. I'd do the same with Becca. But in this conversation you need to talk about that people in our lives sometimes screw up, that you understand her anger (and that it WAS warranted), but also explain that continuing to be angry is only punish
    via SkiPhD
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    Apart-Ad-6518 ΝΤΑ Rose hesitated but eventually admitted she had borrowed it for an upcoming date. I told her she needed to return it immediately and that we'd discuss how wrong it was to steal it. Rose is more than old enough to know what she did was very wrong. And she compounded that by being careless with the necklace when she knew how much it meant to Becca. I disagreed, saying this wasn't a simple mistake—she knew the necklace's importance, was told not to take it, and nearly lost it. If i
    via Apart-Ad-6518
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    77Megg77 ΝΤΑ You are absolutely not being too hard on Rose. She coveted the necklace for some reason. And when she asked for it, she was told no. Becca had every right to refuse to loan it because it has a tremendous amount of sentimental value to her, but even if it didn't, it was entirely her decision to make. I have no idea what made Rose think it was okay to steal the necklace. This is a very worrying trait for her to have. Yes, I realize she is a teen still, but she is absolutely old enough
    via 77Megg77
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    If Rose doesn't get the message that stealing is very wrong when she is still young, even though I'm sure she planned to slip it back in Becca's room before anyone noticed it was missing, she is going to end up with more than being grounded to worry about. Adult thieves don't start stealing as an adult, they take things as child, doing more and more, building up their confidence and technique. They become proud that they were able to get away with it. Then it could snowball into taking things fr
    via 77Megg77
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    Living-Clothes5582 OP I like the apology letter idea. She did give a genuine apology, but I think a letter will allow her to really think out what she has to say.
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    duke 113 NTA. I think you took a very fair but firm approach. And I think you've done a good job with not allowing the fact that she's your biological daughter colour your feelings and just taking her side over your step-daughter's.
    via duke113
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    Fit-Couple-4449 NTA, I think you handled it well. I'm confused, though - this necklace is a chain with a men's wedding band on it? I can understand why Becca would wear it on special occasions, but I don't really understand why a teenage girl with no connection to the ring would want to wear this on a date. Men's rings aren't typically very ornate, and a band on a chain doesn't seem like something worth stealing from an aesthetic standpoint. Am I the only one who thinks Rose's explanation is a l
    via Fit-Couple-4449
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    Living-Clothes5582 OP The ring isn't a typicial men's wedding band. It is something that I could see Rose wanting to wear, as it does match her style.
    via Living-Clothes5582
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    Frankensteins_Kid ΝΤΑ I applaud you for your parenting. Rose knows how important the necklace is, it wasn't a mistake. She was only crying because she got caught. You ex thinks you should've comforted her only because the necklace was found undamaged; what if it wasn't? The condition of the necklace is irrelevant and doesn't erase the fact that she stole it. Good job on making sure Becca's stuff is secure and for showing Rose her actions have consequences.
    via Frankensteins_Kid
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    Wild Ticket1413 Definitely NTA. Taking something without permission is theft. That's exactly what your daughter did. She stole something of value from her step- sister. You were 1000% correct in how you handled this situation. Hopefully, Rose learned her lesson and will not do this again.
    via Wild_Ticket1413
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    PomegranateReal3620 NTA - Rose is 15 years old, not 5. She knows the difference between borrowing and stealing. She and your ex need to explore the concept of "not yours." You may not always know who owns something, but you always know who doesn't. You. Even toddlers get the concept of not yours, so it begs the question, why didn't your ex or your daughter understand that taking something that is not yours had another name. Theft. She's lucky your stepdaughter didn't call the cops.
    via PomegranateReal3620
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    GSD_enthusiast NTA And even though it's only March, i am awarding you father of the year. Your reaction was spot on and your daughter is old enough to learn that there are some screw ups that cannot be fixed. She got lucky this time because the necklace was found, but it could have gone the other way easily. Hopefully, she won't be stealing others people's stuff anymore. It's a good lesson to learn at that age.
    via GSD_enthusiast
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    enason 1963 The fact she was not forthcoming with having lost the necklace at the time it happened tells you all you need to know. If I were the step sister, I'd never believe or trust her ever
    via enason1963
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    Taind19501a NTA. Rose knowingly took something deeply sentimental without permission and nearly lost it. She needed to face the consequences of her actions. You didn't yell at her or shame her, but you made it clear that trust was broken. Comforting her too much in that moment would have minimized the impact of what she did. She'll learn from this.
    via Taind19501a
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    lejosdecasa ΝΤΑ If Rose is considered adult enough to go on dates, she's old enough to know that stealing may have consequences.
    via lejosdecasa
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    Comfortable-One8520 NTA. Good firm parenting here and consequences delivered. It's better she learns her lesson for being sticky-fingered now, rather than when she nicks something she fancies from a flatmate and ends up charged with theft.
    via Comfortable-One8520
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    MelodyRaine NTA it would have been bad enough to "borrow" a regular necklace, but that necklace was a targeted gotcha. You were not wrong for how you handled it, and I would ask your ex how she thinks a one- of-a-kind, irreplaceable item being taken without permission and then lost in such a careless fashion should be handled. I bet you had Rose taken from any of her friends it would be a much bigger to-do.
    via MelodyRaine

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