Entitled houseguest eats $40-60 worth of her friend's groceries when she visits her weekly, freaks out when the friend asks her to bring her own food: 'She did not take this well and felt I was shaming her eating habits'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 15, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

If there's one thing you should know about etiquette, it's not to show up at anybody's house empty-handed. If someone is hosting an Oscars watch party, a baptism for their pet pig, or a good old-fashioned house party, you should at least come with a bag of chips if you can't afford anything else. It's showing a token of appreciation for the host's invitation and ensuring that they don't have to buy all of the drinks or the appetizers themselves. This aspect of etiquette is often lost on young people, but it's never too late to start if you've spent most of your adult life being hopelessly oblivious. 

Even so, you shouldn't go into hosting with the expectation that everyone is going to bring enough for everyone. There's a balance that must be striken, and if you host a party with no food or drinks for anyone, you are a bad host. 

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  • That said, there's a huge difference between eating food and snacks a host offers and eating a ton of their regular food that they use for meals. The houseguest in this story has repeatedly gorged herself on her host's groceries for weeks and freaked out when she asked her to stop. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10480253184
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for asking my friend to bring her own food when she asks to come over?

    My friend has a pretty big appetite and when she comes over she frequently eats many of my groceries.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    I am on a limited budget and I cannot afford to feed her appetite. When she comes over she will typically eat 40-60$ worth of groceries.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    18 RITZ CRYSTAL GEYSER ORGANIC TORTILLA CHIPS
    via Mick Haupt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I am all for feeding my guests refreshments and providing snacks and meals and I only invite my friends over when I'm in the financial position to host.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    The friend in question asks me almost weekly if she can come over, she usually says she's having a hard time and needs a friend. I am always hesitant to have her over because of the
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    amount of my groceries she helps herself to. If I have a full multipack of food she will leave me with one or twos in addition to having whatever else she finds in my fridge or pantry.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    I recently addressed my concern with her and told her that if I invite her over I plan on providing snacks/meals however if she asks to come over she needs to provide her own food. She did not take this well and felt I was shaming her eating habits (she does have a tendency to find
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    comfort in food and often. struggles with over eating). And pointed out that I didn't have this rule for my other friends to which I tried to explain was because they never ate so much that I felt the need to implement any kind of rules/restrictions.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    She said I was an AH* for shaming her for her biggest insecurity and for singling her out by creating rules for her that I don't have with other friends.
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    Cheezburger Image 10480266496
    via Ivan Aleksic

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I knew she struggled with food but still asked if she could supply her own snacks and meals when she asks to come over, AITA?
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    PumpkinBeneficial374 NTA. Two things can be true. She could be sensitive about her eating. She's using her eating issues and your friendship to take advantage of you. If you're trying to explain to her how she's putting you out by eating all your food, and that you don't have that issue with anyone else, she should understand. If she keeps playing the victim instead of trying understanding your side, you may need to distance yourself from her. Maybe calculate how much money of yours she eats in
    via u/PumpkinBeneficial374
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    StorageMaterial2644 OP Thank you I'm going to calculate the cost of the groceries she eats. I go to the grocery store twice a month because it's not ever close to me so it can look like I have more groceries to spare than I really do since I shop for two weeks at a time. I have a set amount I can spend on groceries every month so when she eats more than I can spare I can't afford to repurchase the items and will often have to improvise and light meals/ snacks until my next pay check. Since her p
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    Abject_Director7626 Why can't you go to her place? Or a neutral 3rd location where your isn't? If all she needs is an ear and a shoulder, you could do that anywhere? NTA for telling her to bring her own food and explaining why.
    via u/Abject_Director7626
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    StorageMaterial2644 OP Usually when she's asking to come over I am busy and I tell her that it's not a good time but she keeps asking and will say she needs a friend so eventually I will agree but I really am busy with virtual meetings so I can't just stop what I'm doing to head to her house. I sometimes go to her house but it can be a bit uncomfortable because she lives with her parents in a condo so it's a pretty intimate space. She's very close to her
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    parents so typically once I get there she will suggest we sit in the living room and chat/ watch tv with her parents and it can be a little bit awkward. I'm very introverted and it takes a lot out of me sitting and answering a bunch of questions from her parents and making small talk. Her bedroom is right off the living room and they can hear everything we say which can be a bit uncomfortable as well since I have to be hyper aware of what I say
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    Why_Teach She sounds clingy and entitled. If you tell her it is not a good time, she should respect it. She guilts you into having her over, then she eats your food! You need to set boundaries, and I'd start by telling her she can't come over when it's not convenient. The food thing is a different but related issue. It's too bad she's sensitive about eating too much, but if she can't be considerate, you need to bring it up.
    via u/Why_Teach
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    Ok_Win2630 "How dare you point out that I'm taking advantage of you!" - the friend probably
    via u/Ok_Win2630
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    FlexAfterDark69 Why is she needing "support" so often that it impacts your grocery budget? Why isn't she stress eating at home, where she resides and hopefully buys groceries? Why is supporting her tied to her eating your food at your home? I would never dream of imposing on my friends like this, even if it's a bag of Doritos, I'd bring something whenever I go over. It feels icky to take advantage of a friend like that →
    via u/FlexAfterDark69
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    ballroomdancer13 4h ag This. I was raised to never go to someone's house with empty hands. Sure, gifts should not be an expectation, but IMO it's courtesy. Even more so when this "friend" invites herself over. Does this friend have a job? Could she not afford to bring a cake or a bottle of wine over?
    via u/ballroomdancer13
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    leyavin Bc I bet this woman is obese and her parents, in an attempt to help her, limited the food she is allowed. She is probably very dependent on them as she's living with them (no shame there at this day and age) but also has the time to interrupt OPs work, implying she herself doesnt and is dependent on her parents income. So she doesn't have the resources to buy stuff on her own. OP on the other hand has a perfectly stocked up pantry for her "emotional support"
    via u/leyavin
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    Princesshannon2002 Part ipant [2] It's ok to not answer or say No. it's time for you to learn to set healthy boundaries. It isn't hurting her for you to say No.
    via u/Princesshannon2002
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    Moose-Live she keeps asking and will say she needs a friend She obviously does need a friend, but you can't meet her needs on your own. And her expectations that you will put her needs over your own are very selfish. She makes demands on your time, regardless of what you are busy with, she uses guilt to get you to agree to see her, and then she eats your groceries and tries to guilt you when you ask her to stop.
    via u/Moose-Live
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    I really am busy with virtual meetings Is she asking to come over during your work hours? There's an easy place to draw a boundary. Tell her that you can't see her during work hours any more. If she keeps contacting you when you're working, after you've said no, mute her, and reply when it's convenient for you.
    via u/Moose-Live
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    And then when it is convenient for you to see her, arrange to meet at a coffee shop or a park or a museum. Somewhere where your groceries are not accessible. It's okay for you to also define the terms of the friendship and not just let her trample over you as she is currently.
    via u/Moose-Live
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    Terrible_Ask6658 She's manipulating you emotionally by saying she really needs a friend. She knows it'll work and you'll come running. Stop accepting her requests.
    via u/Terrible_Ask6658
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    SolmaRedditUserNow As you describe things, NTA. I understand that this is her "biggest insecurity". However it really feels like a good friend would have done this automatically after a few times of literally eating 60$ worth of food every time they come over. Thats certainly a non trivial amount of food.
    via u/SolmaRedditUserNow
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    I would say a normal friend would, at least every so often, "Hey you fed me last time, I'm ordering takeout for us/bringing over a frozen pizza/whatever". And thats whether or not they ate some of your food. When you have friends, its always give and take. Its part of the whole deal. Its absolutely no big deal to provide food/snacks for a friend. But a friend will also bring stuff over/share the cost. Seems to me she was, at least partially using you for free food for the night.
    via u/SolmaRedditUserNow
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    haleyfoofou Agree. NTA. I'm the only one with a kiddo at home and so I can't always venture out to their places. I love to cook and feed people, but they also totally say, "Hey I wanna hang, but you fed me last time. Let me cook/buy groceries for a dinner/treat you this time." This feels like a very one-sided friendship. Is she also emotionally dumping on you every time?
    via u/haleyfoofou
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    StorageMaterial2644 OP Usually if she is asking to come over it's to talk about problems she's having in her dating life. She works full time however her parents cover all of her expenses (car payment, groceries, insurance, phone bill and she lives with them) but every time she comes over she claims to have less than 1$ in her bank account. I don't expect her (or any of my friends) to spend any money on me but I do expect her to be able to cover herself if she initiates hanging out. And I expect
    via u/StorageMaterial2644
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    haleyfoofou Yeah. Definitely NTA. She eats your food, cries about her love life, and then goes home to parents who foot the bill. Start being "busy" and do a slow fade or straight up say that the friendship is one sided and you won't take it anymore. Either way- life lesson.
    via u/haleyfoofou
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    Imaginary_Panic9583 Babe, she isn't poor. If she is working a full-time job, and her parents cover almost all of her expense, she can afford to chip for food or bring her own. This just isn't fair what she is doing. You need to set a hard boundary in a polite way, if she just ignores it, you need to be prepared to lose a friend. No more visits to your house, tell her you will meet up outside of the house at a local park or coffee shop.
    via u/Imaginary_Panic9583

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groceries friendship bad friend entitlement binge eating hosting money problems friends reddit story binge entitled food eating Reddit money entitled people
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