'She says I am denying her "her baby"': 21-year-old pregnant woman tells mother-in-law who insists on being in the delivery room that she can't see the baby for at least 3 weeks after she is born, adding a week every time she asks about the babies name

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 20, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

I never understood why some paternal grandparents insist on being in the delivery room with their daughters-in-law. If you have a close relationship and she has explicitly stated that she wants your support, by all means, hold her hand and help her through it. But if it's clear that she is either ambivalent to or against your presence, why would you want to impose yourself on what is probably the most physically painful moment of her life up to this point? There are already enough doctors surrounding her when he's either cut open or pushing out a human person. Her partner might even be kind of a nuisance in the moment, and you're entitled enough to think you deserve a place in that room over her mom and dad. Unless you're making a documentary for youngsters in high school health classes about the miracle of childbirth, I don't think anyone "needs" to be in the delivery room. 

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  • The grandmother in this story not only wants to be in the delivery room but also can't stop pestering her daughter-in-law about the baby's name. When this young mom-to-be set down some boundaries, her mother and law accused her of being cruel and denying her “her baby.” Who's gonna tell her? 

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    AITA for telling my mother in law if she keeps asking about our babies name she won’t see her for an additional week every time she’s asks?

    1 21f am currently 39 weeks pregnant, due next Thursday. Over the course of my pregnancy I have had several issues with my MIL the two biggest being her wanting to be in the delivery room when I give birth even though I have made it clear since the beginning the only person I want there is my husband. It got
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    to the point where I decided I didn't want any visitors at the hospital not even my parents because she threw a fit about them coming after baby was born. However, the biggest issue has been her wanting to know the babies name. Baby is going to
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    be named after my grandfather who I have been extremely close to my entire life, because of this we decided to keep it a secret so it could be a surprise to him once she is born. My MIL even went as far as snooping through my hospital bag to try and find ether the sweater or the welcome to world sign that has her name on it luckily I caught her before she
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    not the first time since we have been together that a family member has ran right over him, he did end up cutting the other family member off but I don't see him doing that to his mother. On to the update, after waking up this morning and reading all your comment I sat down with my husband and showed him this post after he read all the
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    found them. Yesterday she called my husband again asking why she can't know the name even going as far saying "what if something happens to me and I never get to know my babies name” for reference she is in good health and dose not work a dangerous job. After my husband
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    informed me of this conversation I called my MIL and told her as of now she will not meet the baby for at least 3 weeks after she is born and each time she asks about the name after this point will be an additional week she will not meet her. She says I am being
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    cruel and denying her "her baby", so AITAH for telling my MIL if she continues to ask about my babies name I will not allow her to meet the baby for another week?
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    Update: Not sure how to update my post so I hope this works. First to answer some questions. This is my MIL's forth grandchild however they do not see the other 3 but maybe three or four times a year I am not sure why my BIL and SIL live about four hours away and do not allow the kids to come down here. Second
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    my husband dose support my decision however he struggles a lot with setting boundaries with his family he was raised with the they are blod so their actions are ok" mentality this is something we are working on and yes his family not just his parents take full advantage of him he is a teddy bear and this is
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    comments something clicked in his head he agreed this behavior is not ok and apologized for not being firmer with his mother. We have decided we will not be telling anyone when I go into labor except for a trusted friend who will be taking care of our dogs and horses and will inform my L/D team no one is to come in under any circumstances. He also
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    sent his mom the following message. " mom after the conversation we had yesterday your behavior has gotten out of hand, while I understand you are excited to meet OUR baby your actions have shown we cannot trust you around her until we receive an apology and see your actions have changed you will not be meeting her. And from this
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    point on wifey will not be communicating with you if you have anything else to say you will say it to me and me only" I am very proud of him for standing up for his family we will see how things progress but at this point I am checking out and focusing on myself and baby. Thanks everyone for the support and advice.
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    naraic- She says I am being cruel and denying her " her baby", Add an extra week for claiming that your child is her baby. Or just go no contact.
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    lickytytheslit Extra month
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    Ok-Advantage3180 I'd add an extra lifetime tbh
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    dryadduinath NTA. It's not her baby, she has no rights to your child, and her behaviour is so entitled I think enforcing boundaries now is the best thing you can do. Stay strong and hope she learns something about not throwing tantrums and looking through people's things from this. Otherwise you're in for a rough twenty years.
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    Jelly_bean_420 Additionally, don't deny your parents because your MIL is a dysfunctional human being. If you want your parents to visit you at birth, or after, let them. You need the support of your parents, not a narcissist.
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    Trouble_Walkin Yeah, I raised eyebrows at that. Her MIL bulls her way thru all boundaries, yet OP forbids everyone from delivery room. Her poor suffering parents. Also, her comment where she lists all examples of MIL being intrusive about every grandkid while in the same breath says she doesn't know why BIL & SIL avoid her like the plague
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    Jelly_bean_420 At 21, she is very young. Young people don't realise parents can be b too.
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    EmmetyBenton NTA. If she complains again about being kept from "her baby", I'd suggest replying "what are you talking about? I'm not keeping you from <husband's name> at all!"
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    goatfuck69 Also, if she doesn't know "her baby's" name, she might need to be tested for dementia.
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    daydreamer19861986 NTA, you are very good with boundaries, actually! People who can't respect boundaries will always tell you that you are cruel for setting boundaries and this is exactly what she is doing. Some comments stated that she is just being annoying, no she isn't just being annoying she is a person who
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    doesn't have any respect for other people's boundaries and thinks that the world revolves around her. Best of luck to you because she is going to continue being a nightmare probably.
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    Phantasmal NTA You need to speak with your OB about this as well as inform the L&D team at your hospital. They can, and will, protect you and your privacy while you are in their care.
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    If you tell them no visitors and that your MiL is being invasive and overbearing, even if your husband tries to bring her in, they will keep her out. Also, nothing you do will keep the peace. So if you want your parents to visit you in the hospital, then do that. You're getting harassed by MiL anyway. Might as well have your family by your side.
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    Catch MelfYouCan09 Honestly you need to do more. Why? Because this isn't going to stop. Message her ONE more time.
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    "I need to address this whole situation again because | need to make my boundaries perfectly clear. ANYTHING that has to do with our child is not up for negotiation or discussion. Nothing. You need to understand this isn't your child; referring to them as such is creepy, that stops now. Demanding information; your relentless fixation; and snooping is extremely disrespectful and frankly I'm done. I'm not even going to address the emotional manipulation attempt with husband.
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    I've given it alot of thought and I've come to realize these are not the values and qualities I want our children exposed to. You will be taking a giant step back and re evaluating your actions and behaviors. As of right now, you're on time out for an undetermined amount of time until we feel our child is safe around you.
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    You can either be a silent, respectful grandparent or an absent one; it's a shame our child will have limited extended family simply because of their narcissistic opinion that their wants take precedence over our children's own parents"
    via u/CatchMelfYouCan09

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family drama daughter in law baby pregnancy mother wife grandma reddit story husband in laws mother in law family pregnant newborn grandmother mom
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