Parents refuse to name their baby 'Henry' after his paternal grandfather, grandmother berates them for not following family tradition of naming male heirs 'James' or 'Henry': 'She said I was breaking a tradition that went back hundreds of years'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Mar 21, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

I've never understood naming the men in your family the same thing, generation after generation. It's confusing, and IMHO, it dilutes the significance of the name. If everyone is John, then the original John is just one of many. I like passing down family names through middle names. My mom's middle name is "Wainwright," after her grandmother, and I think that's the coolest thing ever. It would be a curse to give a baby born in the 1960s a first name that was popular in the 1890s, but using it as a middle name ensures she isn't forgotten by her nefarious great-grandchildren, IE, me. If you have a family name as a first name, you're constantly trying (and probably failing) to live up to the grandness and legacy of that name. There are only so may boy names out there, but insisting on a family name for a "male heir" is just plain strange. 

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  • The in-laws in this story are wild about their familial naming traditions. They alternate the first names “James” and “Henry” for the first-born sons of each generation, which doesn't leave much room for creativity. One of those Jameses and his wife decided enough was enough, causing a big stink within the family. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10483674368
    via Kelly Sikkema

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for not following my husband's family tradition?

    My (28f) husband (29m) comes from a very traditional family. While we disagree with his family on many things, it has never really been an issue until now.
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    I am currently 8 months pregnant and my husband and I couldn't be happier as we've been trying for a while. Since I first found out I was pregnant, we've been discussing names for our child. In my husband's family, the tradition wants the child to be named after
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    his grandfather. Basically, first- born men in his family only have one of two names: James or Henry. My husband's grandfather was James, so his name is James too. My husband's father is called Henry, so our child should be too. And so on and so forth.
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    via Izzy Park

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    But my husband and I didn't really feel like calling our child Henry, and although it's a beautiful way to honor family members, we really wanted our child to have a name that would be personal, that would truly be his. So we chose another name, and decided to wait until after the birth to reveal it to everyone.
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    This week, my mother in law came to visit us and help us set up for the baby. She brought us some presents, amongst which was a bunch of clothes on which she hand embroidered the name Henry. I said that it was nice and thanked her for it, but told her that we wouldn't be naming our child Henry, as we had already
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    told her in the past. She started insisting and saying that it was a tradition so it had to be that way. I explained to her that we'd rather give our child a name that we chose, and that Henry could be his middle name.
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    She immediately went to my husband and started saying things like "you're not going to let her do that to our family" and making it very dramatic, saying that I was breaking a tradition that went back hundreds of years (honestly not sure about that). My
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    husband tried to explain that we both agreed on the name, and all the reasons why we made that choice, but she wouldn't listen. She suggested that we names him Henry on paper, as his legal name, and then called him something else, but I thought that would be confusing for him and told her that he would be named what we chose.
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    She kept begging my husband and saying that I was ruining the family tradition, and at one point I lost it (which is partially to blame on hormones I think) and told her that it was our child, so we did what we wanted, and we
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    didn't have to follow a stupid tradition. She stormed out and my husband has since received texts from his father and sister accusing me of making his mother feel really bad and some other stuff that I don't really remember.
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    I get the importance of tradition and it can be really beautiful, but also I feel like that shouldn't be an obligation and it's okay to change things. We won't change our baby's name because we're really set on that, but maybe we were wrong for not following the tradition? I'm not entirely sure, and am mentally exhausted by all this drama...
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    Cheezburger Image 10483676416
    via Monika Grabkowska (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    NojaysCita I will never understand this. What if your family had the same tradition? Who wins? NTA in the slightest. Congratulations on your pregnancy and give your sweet boy whatever name you and your husband choose! Edit to add: if you were having a girl, would you be in the clear to name her whatever? Grrr. •
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    After Ad3961 OP Honestly no idea, and it's so confusing and unpractical too! Thank you so much!
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    After Ad3961 OP Hadn't seen your edit but yeah pretty much. It's just the 'heir' of the family that has to be named after his grandfather. But girls in my husband's family also tend to have family names, although I guess it's not as strict
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    Joking917 Tell them that in your family it's tradition for the parents to name their child anything they want.
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    insert_title_here Having patriarchal family 'heirs' is sooo last century lol
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    Slightlysanemomof5 Stupid question why does your MIL care so much it's technically not her family tradition. The tradition is from husband father's side of the family not MIL side. Maybe MIL is upset because she was forced into the naming tradition and wasn't strong enough to fight back. Name your baby yourself. NTA
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    After Ad3961 OP No idea, but my guess is, it's mostly because she doesn't like me. Ever since my husband and I started dating, many years ago, she made me understand that she didn't think I was good enough for him. Because of that, she always criticized the choices that I made. Anything was an excuse to say "see, she's not good enough, she's ruining the family". So I assume it's that, but maybe she truly cares about the tradition, though I have no idea why she would
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    SafeWord9999 Your husband needs to snap back and say THIS IS MY DECISION instead of allowing them to blames you
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    After Ad3961 OP He's been trying to, but his family won't listen and they're convinced that I manipulated him or something... But at least he's standing up to them so there's at least that
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    SeriousEye5864 I work in finance and deal a lot with older clients and their beneficiaries. People with money love naming their kids after themselves. We have a family here that has a huge trust, all the grandkids are in it. All of the male grandkids have the same. name. Literally five of them have the same name because of a "tradition" similar to this. The paperwork is an absolute nightmare and all of them have had multiple issues because there's three male generations of this family that all h
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    ImaginaryLight7691 A 'tradition' that requires guilt trips, emotional manipulation, and embroidered clothes to enforce isn't a tradition-it's a control mechanism. NTA. Your child is not a vessel to carry their family's ego. He's his own person, and it's your and your husband's choice, period.
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family dynamics family drama baby baby names entitled parents crazy things parents say names father in law baby name in laws mother in law family grandparents parents
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