Mother accused of favoritism after she buys 17-year-old daughter an apartment but refuses to do the same for stepson: 'My girl will just always come first’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 28, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

Do you think parents should treat their biological children and step-children the same way? Do you believe it's fair to expect they'd provide them with the same amount of love, no matter the history?

If you ask me, these questions cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. When two people start a relationship while each of them has kids of their own from a previous relationship, the family dynamic that forms is quite a complicated one. The kids in this family already have their own parents, and they are now being introduced to a step-parent who is basically a stranger to them. The parents are obviously biased towards their own children, but they still want to have healthy relationships with the kids they are welcoming into their family unit. Who can say what should or should not happen within this family? Who can decide if there is one right path to building these types of families?

That is why I don't think we can expect anything from anyone in this situation, even if it leads to problems with favoritism, like what happened in the story below.

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  • The mother in this story is being accused by her husband of favoritism because she refuses to give her stepson the same treatment she gives her bio daughter. And by treatment, I basically mean money. The husband wants his wife to help him buy his son an apartment, just like she did for her daughter. However, the mother refuses.

    Keep scrolling to read the rest of the tale.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10485627392
    via shisuka

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for favoring my daughter over my stepson?"

    I truly think I'm not in the wrong here, but since so many people think I am, I came here to look for some neutral perspective.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 03
    So I (34F) had my daughter Olivia (17F) with my then boyfriend Martin (34M) when we were seventeen. We had finished highschool just a couple of months prior, and we decided to keep the baby against our family's wishes.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 04
    We worked and studied a career at the same time, and we managed to raise Olivia and she never lacked a food, but she lacked many times things she would see her classmates get. Martin and I eventually broke up, but we remained friends
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 05
    and have maintained a good co-parenting relationship ever since. Now, I eventually graduated, got a great job, was able to buy my own house and married my husband Caleb (38M) four years ago after dating for three. He was
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 06
    divorced and he has a son, lan (15M) from his previous marriage, with whom I don't have a good relationship. Not because we fight or something, but because we rarely see each other. He spends only some days of the week, and I work many hours.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 07
    The rest of the time, I use it mostly to spend it with my daughter, my husband or my friends. From the beginning, I made clear that Olivia would always be my first priority, no matter what. And he said the same about his kid.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 08
    Olivia and my husband have a cordial relationship, but they never got too close. My daughter is pretty reserved, so it's only normal for them to not be so close. Now, when Olivia was twelve, Martin and I decided to save money on an account to buy our daughter an apartment.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 09
    It's almost impossible to own an apartment or a house this days at a young age, especially in Latin America, so we wanted her to have a secured place since we had the money. But since she was always someone stubborn and proud, we had this idea of buying a pretty big
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 10
    apartment but that was completely destroyed, that needed a huge renovation and was completely empty, and the apartment is in close city. We bought it when she was fourteen, and we told her the apartment was on her name and she could get access to it once she started
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 11
    university, but we told her she would have to work to pay for the renovation and the furniture. She was more than happy with this, and started to work shortly after. She gathered a lot of money, and I arranged for the renovations while she was on her last year of secondary
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 12
    school. She also bought the furniture, and the apartment ended up really nice. She left at the beginning of the month to start university. Now, my husband really liked this. He said he wanted to do the same with his son, but he wanted to buy him an apartment in good conditions
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 13
    and all the furniture. He said he had already spoken to his ex and her husband, and they had agreed on contribute. Caleb asked me to put some money on their savings, but I told him I couldn't, and I give him my reasons. Basically, my mom is sick with c er, and
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 14
    I'm the only one of my siblings who can actually afford to pay her treatments. Not only that, Martin and I have decided to pay for all of Olivia's services and give her money every month. We want her to not only focus mainly on university, but to be able
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 15
    to make friends and adapt to her new life in a big city. Now, Caleb was pretty angry with me. He told me it was not fair for me to not contribute, since I'm lan's stepmother and need to step up, and perhaps I should let Olivia get a job since she's about to turn eighteen. I got
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 16
    pretty angry at this and told him only Martin and I will decide how to raise Olivia and what to give her, not him, and I reminded him that I always told him that my daughter was first. I told him he was delusional if he thought I would let my daughter alone when she's not even a legal
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 17
    adult just so he can buy an apartment to his son. No matter what, she will always be first and that's how things are supposed to be, and I offered to help him in the future to buy the furniture or to pay the bills, but that at the time, I can't help him. He told me I was favoring my
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 18
    daughter, then left and hasn't spoken to me ever since, and I refuse to apologize when I believe I haven't done anything wrong. Now, I know my husband doesn't make much money. I make much more than him, and I know that his ex and her
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 19
    husband doesn't make much either, so if I don't help, they will never be able to buy an apartment for him. But right now, I have no other choice. Some of my friends told me that once I get married with a person with a kid, I'm also taking responsability for the kid, and I should give him the
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 20
    same treatment I give to my daughter. Honestly, I think this is bulls. lan has a mother and has a father, and I don't think he ever expected me to be a parental figure to him and to treat him with the same love than my daughter. I think that kind of things
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 21
    can't be forced, it should happen naturally, and since we've barely spend any time together, that hasn't happen. Plus, I just could never love my stepson as much as I love my daughter. I could never treat him equally, my girl will just always come first than
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 22
    anything. I care for my stepson, but he just isn't my kid. Also, I feel like it's pretty unfair because he doesn't treat my daughter as he treats his son. And I don't expect him to. Anyway, aita?
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 23
    Cheezburger Image 10485628672
    via Peerawich Phaisitsawan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 24
    ogo7 Info: Did your husband contribute to your daughter's apartment?
    via ogo7
  • 25
    LawSuccessful9008 OP No, he did not.
    via LawSuccessful9008
  • 26
    goldenpandora NTA to me. Did he contribute for your daughter? If so, then maybe you do need to step up. If not, then why would you? There's no precedent.
    via goldenpandora
  • 27
    Crazy4Swayze420 NTA. You and Martin planned this over years and Caleb didn't do anything to help with it. Now that he see the product of thinking years ahead he is trying to do it overnight. He sounds delusional because he
    via Crazy4Swayze420
  • 28
    did nothing to help your daughter but when the tables turn suddenly your the villian. Not your fault he and his ex. didn't think ahead. This is a big red flag.
    via Crazy4Swayze420
  • 29
    ERVetSurgeon NTA but your husband is using you for the money. That is obvious. He never contributed to Olivia'a fund so you should not contribute to lan's.
    via ERVetSurgeon
  • 30
    Mabe227 NTA. Everything you said is in my opinion, correct. You absolutely always put your own child first, and your stepson is not your financial responsibility.
    via Mabe227

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family drama aita kids mother siblings stepmom reddit story favoritism parenting favorite family daughter Reddit women parents children Father
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