Mother tells 16-year-old daughter she's not "celebrated" because she doesn't do anything worth celebrating, teen gets even more upset: '[She] said she feels like it’s unfair we celebrate [her brother]'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Mar 27, 2025 12:00 AM EDT

Every kid is going to be different, as much as each of us are individuals. But possibly even greater since the way each of us learn is as different again as our personalities—as is the rate and manner in which we mature and develop. 

No two people are the same and no two teens are experiencing the same thing.

So it's hard as parents to make blanket rules and know when to make exceptions and considerations to those rules in order to give each kid the support and guidance—and hard lessons—that they need.

Without a doubt, it's a hard lesson to learn—but success and achievement take effort. For some we were taught in our generation that skills were inherent and something you either had or you didn't—and that couldn't be farther from the truth. Sure, some people have a knack for picking things up, and that early success (and likely the positive reinforcement they receive from their parents, mentors, and peers) will go on to push them to be even more successful and skillful at that thing than your average person. But, extremely skilled people in their professions got there through sustained effort and repetition. The earlier you learn that lesson the better off you'll be. 

Still, there's a way to go about teaching that lesson, and the way this mother has done it probably isn't "it." Readers sure were quick to put her in her place when she shared this topic with a popular online community where posters share their experiences to see whether or not they were wrong in a given situation. By her own edits to her original post, it seems she was surprised at the readers' verdicts. 

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  • 01

    "She basically just goes to school and then exists in the house—she spends her free time on her phone or watching TV, doesn’t have any hobbies or interests outside of her friend group, and doesn’t put much effort into schoolwork."

    Cheezburger Image 10486719488
    via Jonathan Borba
  • 02

    "AITA for telling my daughter she actually has to do things to get celebrated?"

    I have a 16-year-old daughter, Katty, and a 14-year-old Jake. Jake is more of an achiever-he's involved in sports, does great in school, and recently won an award for community volunteering. We have been. celebrating his achievements, usually with a dinner out Katty, on the other hand, doesn't do much. She hasn't been putting effort into anything lately. She basically just goes to school and then exists in the house-she spends her free time on her phone or watching TV, doesn't have any hobbies o
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 03
    Katty came to me and said she feels like it's unfair we celebrate Jake, and I decided to have a conversation with her. I sat her down and explained that we love her just as much, but if she wants to be celebrated like Jake, she needs to put effort into something. I suggested she try finding something she's passionate about or work harder in school. That she should make her own goals to work towards. I thought I was being honest but gentle.
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 04
    Katty did not take it well. She exploded, accusing me of playing favorites and said it was unfair that Jake gets all the attention just because he's always doing things. She even lashed out at Jake, telling him that he was "the golden child" and she was tired of hearing about how great he was. Jake was hurt by her outburst, and now things are awkward between them. Katty has been avoiding both me and her brother since then, staying in her room or giving us the silent treatment. My husband thinks
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 05
    Edit: for everyone claiming I never talk or am around my daughter. She literally just went Apple picking with her father this weekend. I am spending almost everyday teacher her how to drive, we went shopping and a spa day earlier this month, her father is teacher how to change tires and how to work basics of the car. That's been happening every weekend for months. Me and her have been watching a show every thrusday with her for months. That's just this month,
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 06
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: AITA for telling my daughter she actually has to do things to get celebrated. I could be a jsince it hurt her feelings even if I do think it is true, I also am not going to do a celebration for nothing, that's what birthdays are for
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 07

    "[She] did not take it well. She exploded, accusing me of playing favorites and said it was unfair that [her brother] gets all the attention just because he’s always doing things.

    Cheezburger Image 10486720000
    via Meg Aghamyan For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    Important-Nose3332 NTA. Makes perfect sense to me. Im assuming yall would celebrate her bday, graduation, etc... does she think people are just going to throw parties for her for no reason? She's old enough to learn that's not how to world works. Maybe get her into therapy. Sounds like she's in some sort of woe is me spiral, maybe some outside perspective would help her get on track or at least understand why people who work hard and achieve things get celebrated for them, while people who do no
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 09
    tiny... so NAH bc this feels like a mismatch of expectations, but it's really worth reframing your perspective. achievements are so subjective. like sure, getting A's and awards are a standard concept of achievement - but so is getting B's, or saving $100, or redecorating your room, making friends or even just being a good friend, putting together an awesome outfit, getting somewhere on time. Everyone is on a different level but it feels like your benchmark of "success" or even effort is the sam
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 10
    Instead of pushing her to "achieve" something based on someone else's (her brother's or your) barometer and definition of a goal, you should talk to her about what SHE feels like she's achieved or put effort into recently. Not only would that bring you closer into her world and psyche and help you both realize what she's capable of (or what she wants from her life), but it would develop trust and make her feel valued for who she is - not who you wish she would be or think she should be. It's not
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 11
    Gertrude_D NTA but... oof. Not all kids are the same. You're essentially telling her that you are measuring her against Jake's yardstick. Each person is different in how they are motivated, their interests and abilities, etc, etc. I get your intention and don't fault it, but perhaps you shouldn't have made a direct comparison (... if you want to be celebrated like Jake ...)
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 12
    Otherwise Trash_ How about you take your daughter out and spend time with her... like a girls day every once in a while... for simply being your daughter......
    via Odd_Importance8932
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10486719744
    via Meg Aghamyan For Unsplash+

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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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