20-year-old sister agrees to take custody of her 11, 12, and 14-year-old siblings, enrages their dad who's forcing his 2nd wife into the mother role: 'The best place for them is with two parents'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It's not worth trying to force a familial dynamic that doesn't happen naturally. It doesn't work when parents try to make their new partner a surrogate parent without any consideration for the amount of time their kid has known their new partner. If your 16-year-old son brought his new friend Kyle to your house and told the whole family, "Kyle's my brother now. If you don't treat him like your son and brother, you inherently disrespect him and me." Meanwhile, you don't know this kid, don't particularly care about him, and don't accept him as part of your closest kin, yet there he remains. This situation doesn't happen with kids because they have less power within the familial unit. There is no shortage of parents who bring a new person into their family without consulting their children and immediately expecting them to treat this person as a family member. It's ludicrous! 

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  • The sister in this story naturally became a mother figure after her and her three younger siblings' mother passed away. Instead of embracing that, the father of the three kids shunned their older sister and forced his second wife into that mother role despite his kids' apathy towards her. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10489224448
    via Brooke Cagle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for agreeing to take custody of my siblings from their dad when he asked me if I'd raise them since I'm fine taking his wife's role?

    My mom did 4 years ago. 1 (20f) was 16 at the time. My younger siblings were 7, 8 and 10 at the time. We have different dads and mine was never in my life so I went to live with our shared grandparents and they went to live with their dad and his wife.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    My siblings and I still saw each other and called and texted daily. Their dad wasn't that cool with it and he did try to interfere but our grandparents said they would get the courts involved to allow access if they needed to.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    Cheezburger Image 10489233920
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My siblings come to me for stuff. My sisters for the girl stuff and my brother just in general. Honestly I did a lot of the emotional mom stuff, like talking about periods with my sisters and even s and contraception and consent. They both came to me
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    when their periods started and I gave them period products and helped them find the right ones. When they're sick I'm the first person they tell. Like I'll wake up to a text or get one when I'm getting ready and they want to see me. They ask my advice on extra curricular's and school and even with homework.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    Their dad hates it because he and his wife wanted her to fill the mother figure role for them. He told me before I needed to step back and let her do it and I told him they didn't need to go to her when they had me and grandma.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    He said his wife deserved a shot to help them through that and when I step in to help every time they don't even look to her. We argued and I never saw that as my problem. She's just his wife after all and mom can't be replaced. But he thought she
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    could be. He even said they'd never agree to being adopted by his wife if she couldn't take over more of a motherly role. I even asked him why he'd think I'd want that and I said I knew he'd try to use that to cut the rest of us out of their lives. He didn't deny it. He actually said nobody is irreplaceable and if I loved my siblings I'd want them to have a new mom.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    My siblings have complained endlessly to me and different family member's about their dad's wife and how she and their dad try to act like she's their new mom and how they don't like us or talk about mom or reminders that they already have a mom. Apparently their dad and his wife have a special hatred for me and it's not hidden at that house.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    Their dad confronted me on all this stuff again and he said if I won't let his wife be their new mom was I going to take over raising them and I said yes, I'd take custody of them and my grandparents and I would be happy to have them with us. I
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    told him they are my family after all and I would do everything to give them a good life. He didn't expect my answer and he became more irritated and asked me if I was serious. I said yeah. I told him I had even looked into it in case any of them asked me to fight for them and I had made sure I'd be secure enough to make it work.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    He went off on me and I just walked away from him because I didn't see why I needed to let him basically scream in my face. He said I had some nerve and I was supposed to realize the best place for them is with two parents which he and his wife can give
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    them and then he threatened to stop all contact between us. I told him the threat my grandparents made still stood and if he ever tried that his kids would never forgive him and then he'd lose them forever. It ped him off even more.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    via engin akyurt

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    I'm ignoring all contact from him right now because he just wants to scream at me via text about how wrong it was to say I'd take custody. AITA for saying that?
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    Medusza Magic NTA. My guy really thought he was hitting you with a “gotcha!” moment, and instead, you hit him with a full- on legal battle plan. The fact that he got even more mad when you said you'd take custody just proves that this was never about what's best for your siblings—it's about his ego and forcing his wife into a role they don't want her in. Honestly, you're stepping up in a
    via u/MeduszaMagic
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    way that a lot of people wouldn't, and your siblings clearly see you as their safe space. He can stay mad, but the reality is, love isn't something you can force, and respect is earned, not demanded. If he actually cared about their happiness, he'd listen instead of throwing tantrums.
    via u/MeduszaMagic
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    spinoffroomm He's mad because he realizes she's right, and his own children don't want what he's forcing on them. She is not the problem, he is.
    via u/spinoffroomm
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    AcaliahWolfsong He will still be mad when the kids are grown and leave the house as soon as they can and stop talking to him and the wife. He says he doesn't understand why they won't talk to him, but only cuz he refuses to acknowledge he did wrong
    via u/AcaliahWolfsong
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    MichaSound Also, if 'no one's irreplaceable' how come stepdad here didn't try to replace OP's bio-dad? Seems like he shipped her off to grandparents as soon as Mom was out of the picture. Yet he expects his kids to accept their stepmom as a total replacement...
    via u/MichaSound
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    xonaiomitsxo Exactly! If “no one's irreplaceable,” why didn't he try to replace your bio-dad? He had no issue stepping into that role, but now expects your siblings to accept his wife as their mom, even though they don't want that. He sent you to your grandparents after your mom passed, so it's clear he wasn't prioritizing you. It's hypocritical to demand his kids accept his wife while he never stepped up for your dad. You're right to stand your ground!
    via u/xonaiomitsxo
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    Trailsya ΝΤΑ You're a great person and sister. Don't talk to him anymore unless it's over text, so you can have proof.
    via u/Trailsya
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    Popular-Let903 OP Oh trust me I'll do my best. He's not someone I ever want to talk to really.
    via u/Popular-Let903
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    Finding Fit6035 Honestly with how the environment is at your siblings dads house, it might be inevitable wheh they'll reach an age where they ask you to get guardianship or custody of them.
    via u/FindingFit6035
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    Advanced-Edge-9020 NTA. It's really upsetting that he's so threatened by your bond with your siblings and that he almost wants to erase their mom's existence. You're an amazing big sister and your siblings are lucky to have you.
    via u/Advanced-Edge-9020
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    Popular-Let903 OP I do everything to be there for them. I love them and I know mom would want us to stay as close as ever.
    via u/Popular-Let903

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family drama stepmother brother sisters siblings stepmom grandma dad family grandparents sibling sister mom half siblings brothers custody
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