35 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (April 5, 2025)

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 5, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

The people who I know who are still on Twitter all talk about it like they talk about their canceled relative. Like, "Yeah, it's pretty hard to be around him, he has a lot of messed up opinions, but he's my grandpa so I kind of have to see him every Christmas." There's a reluctance to fully embrace it as a platform (because of course there is, have you been on it recently?) but there's a sense that you've been grandfathered in, so you're not willing to give it up. 

We're all kind of laughing at it behind its back, but we still come back for more and more every time, like a sort of compulsion. We've seen it through thick and thin, and there is still the promise of a perfect tweet that will make it all worth it. Usually, there's so much to sift through before you get there… but not here.

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  • No, we've already done the work for you and are here to bring you the tweets that are worth looking at this week. The tweets remind you that you're not quite ready to give it up completely yet. The tweets that make you remember that Grandpa still has some zingers.

  • 01
    ugh @ughfinewhatever for years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on call at all times 11:17 PM 3/30/25 28K Views • 9 1775 2K ☐ 42
    via @ughfinewhatever
  • 02
    tido bling ❤ @tiido_bling Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well? 5:29 PM 3/30/25.5.7M Views 1.2K 17 18K 229K ☐ 8.7K 1
    via @tiido_bling
  • 03
    txomxs @T_om_s This is my daughter's idea of an April Fools prank YOU ARE Bald By the way 3:45 AM 4/1/25 802K Views 137 tz 2.7K 51K 1.1K 企
    via @T_om_s
  • 04
    Brandon @blgtylr This headline and photo combo is... The Telegraph Pope's doctors considered letting him di Nick Squires Tue, March 25, 2025 at 11:40 AM EDT 4 min read egenze 12:33 PM 3/26/25 29K Views 5 1750 1 742 759 33
    via @blgtylr
  • 05
    David, ❤ @DavidPattt Selecting all images with traffic lights Temi @__temiszn⚫ 19h What makes us human? 12:15 PM 3/31/25 1.5M Views 222 14K 64K ☐ 8
    via @DavidPattt
  • 06
    frye ❤ @__frye every letter looks like it was designed by a team in separate offices with no contact 4 DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm. 1d Max has launched their new logo. max 12:29 AM 3/31/25 2.1M Views 122 1 3.3K 89K 928 ↑
    via @__frye
  • 07
    hannah jones @hannahjonescool Little kid on the plane to Boston says "do they speak english there?" and his mom says "kinda!" 1:15 PM 3/26/25 106K Views 17397 8.5K ☐ 152 ↑
    via @hannahjonescool
  • 08
    Chairman Birb Bernanke @Bonecondor Got a new laptop with instructions to be delivered to me via courier today. Apple used UberEats as the delivery courier. You'll never guess who's new laptop didn't get delivered today 3:15 PM 3/28/25 668K Views 95 1308 13K ☐ 589
    via @Bonecondor
  • 09
    h @heyherearewords you hit 26 and all of a sudden your only choices now are getting a masters degree or going on a japan trip 10:31 PM 3/27/25 12M Views Q1.1K tz 41K 343K 20K 企
    via @heyherearewords
  • 10
    Oregon SCO @69sco_ Stadium pulse on the Grocery run tn. BUTTER PAN Butter O Milk 0 Basil O Parmesan O Bananas OChips O Noodles O Ground beef O Gerlic • 10:14 PM 3/25/25 1.1M Views 75 17696 21K 584 ↑
    via @69sco_
  • 11
    kira ❤❤ @kirawontmiss asking customers for 100% tip is insane Select tip $95.00 30% 40% ($28.50) ($38.00) SOSO ok 50% 100% ($47.50) good Custom ($95.00) thank you! 1:38 PM 3/26/25 16M Views
    via @kirawontmiss
  • 12
    Thomas Carrieri @Thomas_Carrieri "You WILL NOT let a baseball team affect your daily emotions for the next 7 months." 11:30 AM 3/26/25 1.5M Views 220 17 3K 22K ☐ 570 ↑
    via @Thomas_Carrieri
  • 13
    Washingtons ghost @hartgoat Wearing the skin of your enemy is wild Domino's 12:22 PM 3/26/25 1.1M Views 381 2.6K OPEN LATE FREE MINES 48K 1.3K ↑
    via @hartgoat
  • 14
    Luis Vercetti @97Vercetti Buying this to take my small friend to concerts 8:55 PM 3/25/25 8.5M Views 1.4K 1 11K PIGGYBACI 177K ☐ 12K
    via @97Vercetti
  • 15
    Böb Jänke: Hönkÿ❤ @Bob_Janke I hate people that call it supper. Are you going to eat your supper after you come home from work at the top hat factory 11:53 AM 3/26/25 42K Views 78 7162 1.2K 30 ↑
    via @Bob_Janke
  • 16
    Chad @ChadBlue83 Here's one of the first customers at the new @Publix in Richwood. @Local12 :00 am-10:00 pm :00 am-10:00pm :00 am - 10:00 pm 1:00 am - 6:00 pm :00 am-9:00 pm 7:00 pm No pets allowed. Publis Publix Publis 44 JACK MEHOF » CUSTOMER 12:55 PM 3/26/25.498K Views • 50 17 268 12:01 45° LOCAL 12 NEWS LOCAL12.COM กร 6.7K ☐ 218 ↑
    via @ChadBlue83
  • 17
    matty matt @noetic_emetic jesus christ Dear [Professor's Name], I'm writing to follow up on what we discussed in class about my essay being flagged as Al-generated. I want to say again that I didn't use any Al tools, and the essay is my own work. . 2:35 PM 3/26/25 1.8M Views 36 1 3.2K 95K 3.2K ↑
    via @noetic_emetic
  • 18
    nihilism disrespecter @meaning_enjoyer holy heck i'm training a zoomer kid to use the computer at work and it's exactly like training a boomer . 3:16 PM 3/24/25 1.6M Views 628 12.5K 59K 2.3K 企
    via @meaning_enjoyer
  • 19
    Alex @_alex_joshua Pollen count so high they got the Mexico filter G Everything Georgia @GAFollowers. 2d Today's pollen count (14,801) is the highest total in Georgia's history. 2:05 PM 3/29/25 3.8M Views 68 17 9.5K 216K ☐ 2.9K ↑
    via @_alex_joshua
  • 20
    laurinha @ecto_fun not now grimes Grimes @Grimezsz. 11h I think there may be a bizarrely strong bond between basketball and witchcraft 4:20 AM 3/31/25 398K Views . 16 27 968 19K ☐ 248
    via @ecto_fun
  • 21
    stacy @stacycay No you don't understand, McDonald's used to have all day breakfast. Pizza Hut had buffets. We used to have Sierra Mist. Times were different 1:05 PM 3/28/25 6.7M Views ◇ 1.8K 15K 187K 4.3K ↑
    via @stacycay
  • 22
    meredith @themeredith Robert e Lee during the civil war: Naz @nazzobetweeting. 1d the yankees are insane rn omg 6:37 PM 3/29/25 2.4M Views • Q 44 tz 2.7K 37K
    via @themeredith
  • 23
    Doctor Andromeda @cygnus_dr If you feel depr sed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health. 4:59 AM 3/29/25 1.7M Views 114 tz 7.7K 91K 3.1K 企
    via @cygnus_dr
  • 24
    -0 @Z_E_R_O_E_S_ Dave Foley and Mike Myers out here looking like a lovely lesbian couple Sn PHI 1 SHOTS 3 8 TOR 2 1st 4:49 milk ST PATS ORONT 10:22 AM 3/28/25 1.2M Views 158 1 2.1K 55K 964 ↑
    via @Z_E_R_O_E_S_
  • 25
    rosenkav @rosenkav Thinking of her this March 31st (and also all other days) Every time someone calls and requests a meeting with you, I always schedule it for March 31st. Because I didn't think March 31st existed. Then how many meetings do I have today? 4:59 AM 3/31/25 1.8M Views Why? Today is March 31st. 93.
    via @rosenkav_
  • 26
    King Sukuna @King_Sukunaaa Hey dad- I don't really need your help, I just called to say I'm going to win $100k. bears @wydbear 14h 1 hour to eat this for $100k.. who you calling for help? MCD FRESH BEEF M 3 McD ald's
    via @King_Sukunaaa
  • 27
    @northstardoll ne The 6 pairs of underwear and 8 pairs of socks in my bag ready for a 2 day trip Global HD . 2:26 PM 3/30/25 3.9M Views 72 12K 202K ☐ 4.7K ↑
    via @northstardoll
  • 28
    jeje ❤ @JestJeJe Thirty days sober folks. Not consecutively, but here and there over the years. I'm estimating 10:30 AM 3/31/25 867K Views 148 t 1.4K 27K 655
    via @JestJeJe
  • 29
    Mags @maggiemayyybe You're in his DMs, I'm also in his DMs, but being much, much weirder. 9:42 AM 3/31/25 43K Views • 66 17 87 1.2K ☐ 36 ↑
    via @maggiemayyybe
  • 30
    τετέλεσται @joshuahsoup When somebody sock'em bop you in your ear, then what? doxie @doxie_gay. 4d #need 10:58 PM 3/29/25 2.1M Views 223 tz 4.9K 49K ☐ 1.3K 企
    via @joshuahsoup
  • 31
    We've seen more bat innovation in 1 week than we have in the past 200 years of baseball O Luke Arcaini @ArcainiLuke • 18h Remember the beer bats from last year? They're back. Now, they have a stand so you don't have to hold it the whole game. on the rdwalk MLB WORLD TOUR LONDON P nk s Bank <
    via @ArcainiLuke
  • 32
    polycarp † @Monocarp An answer I received from a student on my most recent test Daw 7. In two or more semences, explain what a line-item veto is. Outstanding 8. Which level court is responsible for prosecuting Virginia felony cases when th case first goes to court? a. Federal court b. Virginia circuit court c. Virginia appeals court d. County/city court e. Virginia Supreme Court 9:50 PM 3/31/25 1.1M Views 92 t 1.1K 46K ☐ 2.5K ↑
    via @Monocarp_
  • 33
    EerRational @EerRational Get me to God's country CENTER DR "Chili's 41 Olive Garden Italian Restaurant Red Lobster พ LongHorn Steakhouse Cracker Barrel Old Country Store UNIVERSITY TOWN CENTER DR 3:42 PM 3/31/25 1.6M Views 175 2 4.1K Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen UNIVER 75K 1.6K ↑
    via @EerRational
  • 34
    Dino Says @reidoona every time the universe sends me a sign, i'm like ok but i think i'll wait for a signier sign • 10:20 PM 3/30/25 479K Views 54 14.8K 25K 968 ↑
    via @reidoona
  • 35
    Ruby @ilyyyRuby Okay we need to apologize to the schizophrenics selinam @bennynotblanco. 1d China has military drones disguised as birds. !! 中国军号 海军小队察打协同战斗射击 3:27 AM 3/31/25 17M Views 1K 44K 643K 23K ↑
    via @ilyyyRuby

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