29-year-old man refuses to keep sending money to his partner's mother, who requests large amounts of cash for countless luxury items: ‘This constant financial support is draining’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Apr 9, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Making good money in this economy is a feat, so pat yourself on the back if you've got a chunky savings account with a good amount of zeroes.

In relationships, when do you start sharing finances? Do you keep your cash separate until one of you decides to put a ring on the other's finger, or do you stay with Chase while your partner banks with TD? This is a hot discussion topic in relationship forums, but the bottom line is this: Only share finances with someone you know you can trust. Trust is an ever-growing feeling, sure, but most people should probably wait until they're legally bound to their better half. If they aren't, their partner's mother might be pocket-watching and taking what's not hers. 

Sadly, such is the case in this next story. A man, after years of giving his partner's mother money, refuses to continue this one-way advantageous deal between himself and his partner's mother. He supposes that the reason for this "norm" is cultural difference, but he no longer feels comfortable dishing out hundreds so his partner's mom can go on a trip or score the newest iPhone. We say: Good for him. Scroll to read.

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  • Once you start sharing finances, that's when the real potential of relationship trouble begins. You think you're ready to share an account number, but in reality, you're not ready to give up your last bit of freedom apart from your partner. To each their own, of course, but financial decisions must be made together if two names are attached to a debit card…

  • "This started as small, occasional requests, but it's been ongoing for three years now."
    via Aakash Malik For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to keep sending money for my partner’s family"

    I (29M) am in a relationship with my partner (28M), who comes from a culture where parents are seen as infallible and can ask for anything without question.
    via soundcanary
  • When we decided to move to another country, my partner's parents generously helped fund the move. Over time, we managed to pay them back, and
    via soundcanary
  • even more than what they initially contributed. My partner's mother regularly asks for money for things like bills, office trips, or even luxury items like a new
    via soundcanary
  • iPhone. This started as small, occasional requests, but it's been ongoing for three years now. I initially managed to convince myself how it's fine and a little sum won't hurt but lately it's really wearing me down.
    via soundcanary
  • Cheezburger Image 10491154944
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • For context, we've also covered other expenses, like paying for legal fees for my partner's dad when he got into trouble, sending money for birthdays, and even
    via soundcanary
  • paying for my partner's brother's migration fees which ended up being a waste of money. Not to mention money for chemo (his mom HAD cancer but is fine now) and random funds being sent for their afternoon tea.
    via soundcanary
  • I've tried talking to my partner multiple times about setting boundaries with his family. I've explained that this constant financial support is draining, and
    via soundcanary
  • that if we continue like this, his dreams of buying a new car or a house won't be possible. He kept telling me he has dreams, which I sometimes hate when it turns
    via soundcanary
  • into a rant how the cost of living has been getting worse. I've suggested he have a conversation with his mom to set
    via soundcanary
  • some limits on how often they ask for money. However, he refuses to do this and says that I'm in the wrong, that we should separate our finances.
    via soundcanary
  • AITA for refusing to keep sending money to his family?
    via soundcanary
  • NCKALA NTA. OP wrote: '...he refuses to do this and says that I'm in the wrong, that we should separate our finances…..'. YES, definitely separate your finances, even if you two are going to remain a couple. But do NOT start paying more than your fair share of living expenses, entertainment, etc. This is on him.
    via NCKALA
  • I hate to be an extremist, but if your partner always puts his parents first, then you may want to rethink this relationship. What if they tell him that he must break up with you because you are the barrier between them and his financial support? Just pls take into consideration of how do you want your life with him to be today, next month, next year.....will it always be a sore spot between the two of you?
    via NCKALA
  • I'm NOT in favor of a child being a source of a parent's retirement plan. But if your partner is going to send money, IMO, he should only send a set amount each month and nothing more. His parents can budget like everybody else.
    via NCKALA
  • Does your partner's brother/siblings work and also contribute to their parents? Do his parents work? Good luck with all of this. Sadly, unfortunately, I've seen this mess far too many times with one partner insisting on supporting the family due to cultural norms to the detriment of their own relationship.
    via NCKALA
  • teresajs You've already tried talking this out and he refuses to budge. Get separate finances. That way, only he is supporting his family and their expections. Don't agree to pay more than your fair share if he's short because he gave his money away.
    via teresajs
  • But since he always prioritizes his family, it would be unwise to make any big financial commitments with this man. Don't co-buy a house or car with him, don't sign a property lease where you're jointly responsible, and don't have a baby with him. Wait and see how his finances shake out in a year or two. If he gives all his money to his family and doesn't have half of a down payment saved up, don't buy a house with him.
    via teresajs
  • Full-Performer-9517 NTA! He is not your husband! If he wants to send them money then Ok, but you are not obligated to! | would rethink your relationship with him because his parents will always come first!
    via Full-Performer-9517
  • hadMcDofordinner You don't have the same goals right now. Do keep your finances separate and don't finance his side of your relationship with you. If he can't afford things because he's being overly-generous with his family, don't pay for them. NTA YOU stop sending his family money now.
    via hadMcDofordinner

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