16-year-old puts presumptuous stepmother in her place after she demands to be called “mom”: 'She said that she's my mom because she's at home with me every day and is married to my dad'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Apr 8, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

You can't just immediately demand a relationship be a certain status and have it be so. You'd never presume to be able to demand that someone you've been on one date with consider you to be their boyfriend or girlfriend. Likewise, you can't presume that the teen that you've only known for two years will accept you as an adopted or "real" parent. 

What defines a "real" parent, anyway? Don't get it wrong; stepparents have their work cut out for them. You can be a terrible, inattentive bio-parent and still have the "title" and hopeful love of your children. Stepparents, by comparison, have to move heaven and earth to get a foot in the door. Coming into a kid's life is an uphill battle, and kids can kind of be jerks even if you put a lot of effort into the relationship. But you still need to put effort into the relationship if you have any hope of being an important member of their life. It takes love, consistency, and—you know—actual parenting in order to get a kid to consider you to be a parent. But there are some darn good stepparents out there who have really pulled through for their spouse's kids and really solidified their place as a "real" parent in the kid's life.

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  • As if their relationship with their parents, thanks to the unique and difficult circumstances, wasn't enough… When this teen’s father married this relatively new girlfriend after years of it just being the pair of them, with his mother intermittently entering the picture, his stepmom immediately began making demands that he regard her as his “real” mother. He tersely informed her that that would not be happening, as he already had a mother of his own. This sparked a confrontation that sent the teen to this online community to see if he was in the wrong for his response.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10491393792
    via Katherine Hanlon

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I (16M) was the product of what is pretty much a friend with benefits type relationship between my dad (at the time 33) and my mom (at the time 22.) My mom didn't want to be a mom. From what little I have been told there was an agreement. My mom would leave, my dad would raise me on his own but if she wanted to, she could come back into my life whenever.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 03
    The first 7 years of my life were just my dad and I. He didn't date any other woman; it was just us two and his family. I remember my mom would send me gifts on my Birthday and Christmas with letters attached. I remember members of her family doing the same. When I turned 7, my mom came back. I started spending time with her. She would take me to parks, zoos, and aquariums
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 04
    etc. I also met her family. I loved this, although I now know my dad didn't like the fact that my mom randomly showed up out of nowhere wanting to spend time with me, although he did soften up to it over time. I still have contact with my mom. I don't see her as often as before. But I still love her and see her as much as possible.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 05
    There was no conflict due to this situation at all until when I was 14, my dad met a new woman. I will call "A" for this. A and my dad started dating when I was 14, married when I was 15. A brought her twins (15M for both) from her previous relationship into her marriage with my dad. I have a good relationship with both my stepbrothers. I have a decent relationship with A but 2 things
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 06
    always bugged me. 1. How my dad seemed to rush into marrying A (he proposed to her 3 months into their relationship.) 2. A. wanted me to call her mom literally the day I met her. She had two reasons for this. 1. I don't have a mom, and I need one. 2. She wants our family to be more united. I always just shrugged this off. I got away with it because when my dad married A it's like he forgot about me completely and didn't care about me. I also felt like it wasn't my place to complain.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 07
    That's the context of all of this. We're a year into Dad and A's marriage. A's birthday is coming up. All of us bought her a gift but she says she doesn't like physical ones and also said she wants a more "verbal gift" from me. Last night at dinner I learned what this was. She asked me if I say yes to letting her adopt me so she could be my mom. Of course it caught me off guard. I said no, I already have a mom. A doesn't like the
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 08
    fact I talk to my actual mom still, and she said that she's my mom because she's at home with me every day and is married to my dad. Then called my actual mom a part timer in my life. I told her no, I'm sorry I can't her son but even if my actual mom is a part timer she was there for me a long time before she was. I received an angry scolding for this from both my dad and A. A specifically has been cold towards me since then. I'm struggling to comprehend this, and need to ask anonymously if I wa
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 09
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I could be the AH because I disregarded what she had to say, then I basically disregarded her presence in my life.
    via throwawaydontunderst
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    Cheezburger Image 10491394048
    via Lesli Whitecotton

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    de... She's only been around for how long and she wants to call your mom a part time mom? Lol. Projection much? Edit: Shes been there for an eighth of ops life. She should try and see where she can fit, not shoving a square peg through thr round hole (Besides, we all know its all going into the square hole)
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 12
    Ghostofa Phoenix NTA, it sounds like dad wasn't happy with your mom randomly showing up as much as you thought. Hence the rushed relationship and wedding. You spent most of your life with a certain status quo, and here you are, at 16, being demanded to change that because of their picture-perfect dreams.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 13
    Moonstone_Godd... As a single mom, I see so many red flags here. I would like to say first that I respect your mother for knowing that she didn't want kids and saying that up front and putting up boundaries. I also understand why your dad doesn't like her coming. in and out of your life as she does. This is not to bad mouth any of your parents. People can only do their best.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 14
    On the other hand, your stepmom needs to chill. If I were to come into a child's life at 14, there's no way I would ever expect them to call me mom. The kid is mostly grown, and while I would be there for them, that is way too late in the game for that expectation.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 15
    I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself. Maybe you could've been kinder, idk how the conversation went, but that was a totally unreasonable expectation. Whether you call her mom is your choice and no one else's. Your relationship with your mother is between you and your mother and no one else is allowed to interfere with that unless there's a safety concern.
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 16
    Your stepmom and your dad will just have to deal with it. Their feelings are theirs and not your responsibility. Maybe, as a solution, you could possibly suggest a few family counseling sessions? That way there is a mediator so this conversation doesn't blow up in everyone's face. Good luck
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 17
    MistySky1999 NTA. But INFO: I'm curious. Is your Dad asking her children to call him Dad too? If so, how are they reacting? If not, why not?
    via throwawaydontunderst
  • 18
    RI_bells NTA - A is very pushy and it's quite weird, your dad is an a hle for not standing up to his wife and defending you.
    via throwawaydontunderst

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family dynamics teens family drama stepmother aita AITAH kids teenagers blended family siblings stepchild moms family feud parenting family pregnant reddit thread parent raising kids Parenting Fail parents children
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