Parents don't congratulate 15-year-old daughter on making the national debate team finals, praises her older brother for doing his PE assignment instead: 'He did a compulsory assignment and he gets all the praise in the world'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Apr 8, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Every kid is different, and parents should know this better than anybody. That's why it gets tricky when praising one child for something you wouldn't praise the other for. If one kid is a diligent, high-achieving student, you wouldn't praise them for getting a C in Biology. But if your kid struggled immensely with passing even one biology test, you will hang that C on the refrigerator for all to see. 

It's easy to see the lack of justice in expecting an A from one kid and praising a C from another. Still, the lines can get blurrier when praising kids for accomplishments in their extracurricular activities. If a parent is constantly going out of their way to cheer at one kid's soccer games but can't bother to show up and clap during their other kid's band concert, it will breed resentment in the family at all levels. 

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  • A 15-year-old student went viral after sharing the details of her quarrel with her parents. Her debate team made it to the final round of competition after beating 50 other schools. Instead of praising her for this significant accomplishment, her parents diverted their positive attention to her brother doing a mandatory school assignment.

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    Cheezburger Image 10491747840
    via freestocks

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for telling my parents they don’t celebrate my achievements and it feels like they aren’t proud of me?

    I (15f) have been doing debating for my school this year. We beat out 50 teams and managed to get into quarter finals, and then the semi finals. Today we had the semi finals. It went for 1.5 hours and it was a really good debate.
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    Fortunately, my team managed to come out on top. Now, we are in the finals, and we've been told it is going to be held at Parliament. We're going to be debating in the Debate Chamber, where are held and decisions are made. This is one of, if not my greatest, achievement.
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    I came home to tell my parents, and they said "cool." And then started talking to my older brother about how he did his PE assignment, and how proud they are of him. He did a compulsory assignment and he gets all the praise in the world. I get to debate in the same place our prime minister is decided, and I get a "cool." I've only been
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    debating for 6 months, as has my whole team. We've beat 50 teams and have accomplished a huge thing and my parents don't care. So I said so. I told them they don't value my achievements and my brother is always praised for things that don't need praising.
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    They got mad at me for 'disrespecting' them and now won't talk to me. I feel like I just want to be appreciated and no matter how many times I've told them that, they just don't care. AITA?
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    Artedia NTA First of all congrats for that great achievement! It's a parents job to value all achievements their kids have, not only the ones they maybe can relate more to or the golden child has. They should listen to their child if it doesn't feel validated and think about what they can do to change that, so that every child feels like a
    via u/Artedia
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    part of the family. Instead they threw a hissy fit and behave like teenagers in giving you the silent treatment, maybe because they know they are in the wrong and wouldn't stand a chance in debating this topic with you, as you clearly showed them, that you are good in debating ;)
    via u/Artedia
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    unownpisstaker Congratulations! Your achievement is incredible! Your parent's craziness doesn't change any of that. It just shows that there's something terribly wrong with them Keep rocking your life. You will go far. Us internet folks are proud of you. Here's a mom hug
    via u/unownpisstaker
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    SirGuestWho Congratulations you have done amazingly well considering you have only been debating for 6 months. Fingers crossed you win, but even if you don't you get to walk away from this with your head held high and feeling extremely proud of yourself and your team.
    via u/SirGuestWho
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    AquaPuppy_ OP Thank you! All these comments are making me so so happy, more than any of you could ever know
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    Stunning-Equipment32 Feels more like outdated views on gender than golden Child. Like, they are working hard to cultivate OPs bro, but with OP all they're interested in is her Mrs degree.
    via u/Stunning-Equipment32
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    [deleted] I did debating and public speaking when I was your age (and won a national public speaking event). I know exactly how much work it takes, the need for both advance prep and thinking on your feet, and having mental flexibility to look at questions from a lot of different angles. All that while speaking fluently off the cuff!
    via u/[deleted]
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    You've done brilliantly, and you're building a skill set that will stand you in excellent stead when you're getting your place at uni, and then entering the working world. I'm sorry your parents don't seem to appreciate your achievement. Please accept a massive hug from a mum on the internet who does understand it. I'm incredibly proud of you.
    via u/[deleted]
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    It may be your parents don't get it, or they are focusing on your brother's feelings, or I don't know what. That is hurtful to you, whatever the motive, and you're not the AH for wanting more from your parents. But in the long run, you are going to do a h I of a lot better in life as an articulate, independent young woman who sets her own standards of achievement than by having people applaud you for doing the bare minimum.
    via u/[deleted]
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    Bombadil3456 It might be my own bias but the way I imagine it is that her parents will never be proud of anything that doesn't involve moving a ball around
    via u/Bombadil3456
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    GundyGalois NTA I think anyone would feel the same way. Do they typically favor your brother, or do they just not understand debate very well? If you waited for a calmer moment and told them you wanted to talk to them about something important to you, would it help? People, even if in the wrong, often can't really hear what's being said to them in the heat of the moment. Most parents don't really want to hurt the feelings of one of their kids, but people can also be defensive.
    via u/GundyGalois
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    AquaPuppy_ OP They always favour my brother, doesn't matter what either of us have done, his small achievements are always more important. He in general is just more important. I have told them this many times with the same reaction, it's always during a calm moment.
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    VirtualMatter2 Firstly I want to say well done! I'm so proud of you! That's a great achievement!!!!! Secondly I want to introduce you to the idea of narcissistic parents and the golden child/scapegoat dynamic. I highly recommend looking into videos by Dr Ramani on YouTube. Search "golden child" or " family roles". See if that all makes sense.
    via u/VirtualMatter2
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    Oh and "silent treatment". That's what they are currently doing. It's ab ive. I don't have any great hopes of them changing to be honest, but keep doing what you're doing, get a great degree and job and find your own family that will appreciate you. NTA of course
    via u/VirtualMatter2
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    zara_starkerstreber you NTA your parents should be happy for you. You should communicate that you feel a lack of support. The way do it is important though. It is an emotionally charged topic and that can be hard, but try to choose your words thoughtfully and respectfully, and leave your brother out of it. I have personal experience of that sibling rivalry and resentment being brought into adulthood. My advice is just remember that the roles your family assigns you are arbitrary and mean nothing
    via u/zara_starkerstreber
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    AquaPuppy_OP Thank you! I have communicated this many times, always in a calm and respectful way. They just don't listen. My relationship with my brother is spoiled anyway as he is incredibly ab ive towards me.
    via u/AquaPuppy_
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    Cand1date Just stop telling them anything about what you're doing. If they ask how your day was, say fine. When you come back from the debate finals and they ask how it went, if they ask at all, say it went well. Don't elaborate. Don't volunteer information. If they tell you something they are proud of or is exciting to them, say "cool" and walk away. Don't give them anything. They don't care about you, so just reciprocate and get out of the house as soon as you can and cut contact. Don't even b
    via u/Cand1date

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