‘He was always our father’s favorite’: Man cuts off contact with family after 30+ years of ‘golden child’ brother's exclusionary tactics

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Apr 13, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

Familial favoritism has the potential to obliterate the self-esteem of those who don't reap its benefits. That's a roundabout way of saying that neglected children are unfortunately plagued with issues growing up as a result of parental favoritism, which reifies that "Golden Child" complex we all know and hate.

Even though scorned children might think it's easy to say that these things don't bother them, it does have a lasting effect on the way they view themselves and the world around them. After a certain point, though, they refuse to fall victim to the vicious cycle and rid themselves of their toxic family altogether. The man in this next story does what he has to do in order to protect his mental peace and the family he's created with his wife. His golden child brother has always been the family favorite—a "does no wrong" type of guy—and he gets away with a lot. This time, the brother takes money from the man that is going toward his father's celebration and pockets it instead. That was the final straw. Scroll to read…

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  • Family dynamics when you're young set the tone for what kind of relationships you'll have with your siblings and parents. Even though your family members might do a complete 180-degree turn and become people you can tolerate being around, it's difficult to forget all they did years prior. Some might call it holding a grudge, but I say it's protecting one's peace. Nobody deserves to be the neglected, forgotten child, and almost 39 years later, the man in this story finally frees himself from the grasp of his toxic brother and the rest of his family.

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    via Cemre Dikici for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for stepping back from my family after being repeatedly excluded by my golden child brother — even when I paid for everything?"

    My father was diagnosed with stage 4 colon c r almost 7 years ago. He's 69 now and, despite multiple surgeries and rounds of chemo, he's still here and living a full, productive life.
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  • My wife and I suggested hosting a Thanksgiving-style celebration with extended family to honour his journey and give thanks. Once my siblings got involved, things went sideways.
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  • I'm the eldest of four - 39M. Then there are my brothers (36M and 33M) and our sister (30F). My second-born brother, R, and I have had a lifelong rivalry. We've
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  • never gotten along - not as children, not now. He was always our father's favourite, while I was made to feel like the proverbial stepchild. I could never understand it.
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  • While we all got the best education money could buy, our home life was chaotic and a ive. I left home after high school to get away from the
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  • dysfunction and a se. My siblings all stayed, endured what I couldn't, and got their degrees in university. I remain the uneducated black sheep of the family.
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  • Anyway, when I left, R stepped into the role of "man of the house" during our parents' brief separation. He's held an unspoken authority over the family dynamic ever since. I've
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  • never wished him harm, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's prayed for me to be hit by a bus. No one in my family ever calls him out it's like everyone - tiptoes around him.
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  • Back to the celebration. Once we got buy-in from the siblings, R bulldozed the planning. He insisted on dates that would make it impossible for my kids to attend because of school. My
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  • wife and I live across the country (everyone else is local), so we needed coordination. R refused to consider alternative dates, saying he "didn't want to risk our father having a health setback."
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  • This man was diagnosed 7 years ago and is doing well. That's the whole reason we're celebrating!
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  • When my concerns were brushed aside by everyone else — who - - either ignored me or seemed too afraid to challenge R — I left the WhatsApp group I had created to help plan the function. I told them
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  • I'd step aside but was available to assist if needed. No one contacted me, except to collect - money. I pledged R10k — same as Rand my other two siblings each volunteered R5k.
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  • The day came. Since my wife and I weren't involved in planning, we arrived as guests. The event was disorganised and cheap-looking nowhere near what 30k could or should have produced. Based
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  • on the food, décor, and setup (hosted at my parents' house), it honestly looked like the only money that was actually spent came from the R10k I sent. The
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  • rest? Who knows. There were half-hearted decorations, lackluster catering - barely enough for the people there - and a visible absence of my children. People noticed.
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    via Danilo Batista for Unsplash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • A month later, my mother phoned me, upset that I'd "left the group" and "refused to cooperate" - again, placing blame squarely on me. I tried explaining, but she wouldn't hear it. It felt like she was looking for a scapegoat for how mediocre the event turned out to be.
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  • To protect our peace, my wife and I have stopped jumping through hoops to attend family events. If something's during school term, we don't rearrange our lives anymore. We show up when we can ― without the kids - - and still get labeled uncooperative.
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  • And this wasn't even the first time. Two years prior, my mother told me she was gifting the family a vacation through her timeshare. She said she'd asked R to call me and coordinate dates with me. That call never came. A few days later she phoned me, furious that I hadn't made plans. I told her I'd never heard from R. She wasn't hearing it.
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  • I called him and he casually - told me the holiday was already booked, for dates in the middle of my kids' school term. His kids are preschoolers, so no issue there. When I asked him to explain this to our mother so she'd understand why we couldn't go, he refused. Again, I was blamed for "keeping the kids away" and "feeding the rivalry."
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  • I'm exhausted from being excluded, blamed, and expected to go along with everything. My wife and I have stopped rearranging our lives for family events that disregard us, but I'm questioning if I'm wrong to step back.
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  • Ginger630 NTA! Definitely take a huge step back. I'd RSVP no to all events and vacations. "Nope, that doesn't work for us. Have fun!" Send their calls to voicemail. I'd only send a text to your parents for their birthdays and holidays and that's it. You guys live across the country and have school age kids. Focus on your kids and let your family deal with each other.
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  • Alert-Cranberry-5972 A lot of us who move across country to escape toxic family, get help and build new families. You should focus on your family you built, add friends as family. Take awesome vacations with your wife and kids. Camping is fun.
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  • OP, be kind to yourself. Edited to add NTA, but you would be if you continue to tolerate the a se and let your wife and kids witness the a se.
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family dynamics family drama aita entitled parents brother family feud parenting entitled people karma entitled family Reddit golden child Parenting Fail parents entitled people
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