Mom spends son's college tuition money, promises to pay him back as long as he doesn't tell dad: ‘For four years I thanked him for the money while I took out loans’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 15, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Different parents have different approaches to saving money for their children's future. Some parents do not save money for their kids' college education or wedding because they can't or because they think their kids should learn to work and pay for it themselves. They want their kids to figure their own future out (while, you know, they drown in student loans).

Other parents do their best to ensure their kids never have to worry about being unable to afford things like their higher education. The parents start saving up for these things while their kids are still kids, and by the time they want to go to college or get married, the budget is set and the kids can simply focus on their future without worrying about the money. 

Then there are parents who have no plan whatsoever. They just go with their gut, and their financial status, and hope for the best. Which, if you ask me, is the absolute worst attitude parents can have, and the story below proves this point. 

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  • The mom in this story was given money by her husband to save up for their son's college tuition. Instead of doing that, she decided to spend the money on herself and made her son promise not to tell his dad. For some reason, the son agreed, and now, years later, the topic became the reason for intense family drama.

    Keep scrolling to read the full tale.

  • JUILD NITED STATES OFA COLLEGE KB 46279860 I 100 DOLLARS
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  • "AITA - told mom she can bill me using the tuition money she stole from me"

    When I (m33) was preparing to go to uni, my mom confessed that there was no tuition money for me. Through the years my dad would give her cash to deposit but she only did the
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • first one. She spent the rest. TBH I wasn't even surprised. I was used to being disappointed by her. She promised that she would "pay me back" and asked that I never tell me dad. So for
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • four years I thanked them for the tuition money while I took out loans. For reasons to do with her narcissism, I have an arms
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • length relationship with her, but she would say we're pretty close as she assumes my smiling and nodding while she drones on about the same stories is a relationship.
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • We have a family cottage that she puts above everything else. She lives there about 90 days of the year. I've been going there with my gf for about 4 days for a couple summers which she
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • a couple summers which she begrudges as it takes away from her time. My dad supports my going which is how I pull it off. She recently told me that it was time for me to start paying for
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • some of the maintenance on the cottage since I use it. She actually suggested 1k which is wildly disproportionate. I told her she could take it out of the
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • tuition IOU and we could negotiate the amount with dad. She was speechless. She texted me later to say that it manipulative to bring up the
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • tuition and to threaten to tell dad. It went on and on. I've been thinking about it and First, I'm hurt/offended that she can't just do a nice thing for me,
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • she has to get something for it. Second, I guess I'm not really over the whole tuition thing. WITAH for bringing up ancient history and not paying her for use of the cottage?
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • Edited to add: at the time, it never occurred to me that I should have told him. I thought I was doing the right thing by protecting both of them. That pretty much summarizes my childhood.
    via Oldbookstore1900
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  • UteLawyer NTA, but I'm confused as to why you agreed to keep this secret from your dad. It isn't clear from your post whether or not your parents are currently married, but either way, it
    via UteLawyer
  • makes no sense to lie to your father. He thinks he spent money on your education, and for some reason you went along with this lie?
    via UteLawyer
  • Oldbookstore 1900 OP Long story but money (her spending it) was a huge thing in our family, it still is. My dad would have gone ballistic, I was trying to keep the peace. Also mom guilted me big time.
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • Candid_Jellyfish_240 I'm guessing dad was the only one working in their marriage? Gold diggers
    via Candid_Jellyfish_240
  • Oldbookstore 1900 OP Yup.
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  • Environmental_Art591 I'm curious, how much is the cottage worth and how much was your tuition?
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  • Oldbookstore 1900 OP I'm guessing the cottage is worth $400k today; and my school costs all-in was about 35k (I'm Canadian if that seems low).
    via Oldbookstore1900
  • Spike-2021 NTA. Your mother is a master manipulator. You don't do what she wants (behind your dad's back) and she's the victim? Nope. You need to tell your dad about the tuition (and probably 1,000 other rotten things she's done) and get it out in the open.
    via Spike-2021
  • She may adjust her tactics but she isn't going to change. I'm sure next week or month she will think of another reason to try and extort money from you. Do not allow this! You deserve better!
    via Spike-2021
  • Armorer- Sorry but YTA for not telling your dad the truth, you lied to him to save your narcissistic mother who only cares about herself and money.
    via Armorer-
  • If you want any chance at not blowing up your relationship with your father you need to use this opportunity to tell him the truth.
    via Armorer-
  • SafeWord9999 TELL YOUR DAD TELL YOUR DAD TELL YOUR DAD
    via SafeWord9999
  • Difficult-Bus-6026 NTA. Your mother, unfortunately, is a very big one. And your father deserves to know what she did with your tuition money.
    via Difficult-Bus-6026

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